When in a couple one person is much busier than the other, tensions may occur. Your daily situations are very different, while he has to cope with pressing commitments you have more free time but would like to spend it with him. Believe it or not, managing these differences in a way that doesn't compromise your relationship is easier than it sounds. It is all about knowing his commitments and trusting him, when possible he will give you priority over everything else. If you want to learn how to avoid bothering your boyfriend when he's busy, start by reading this article.
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Know his commitments
Step 1. Find out about the detailed list of his commitments
This way you will understand when it is truly free and when it is busy and needs its space.
What days should you be in class, traveling for work or attending events? When is he engaged in sports training and when does he choose to devote himself to his hobbies and interests? What is your working time? In all these moments it is forbidden to disturb him, unless it is an emergency or important discussion
Step 2. Looking carefully at the list of occupations, try to figure out when you can call or be with him
It's not about making assumptions, use your common sense and ask him directly when he needs his space.
- Think about a reasonable time for your calls. If he has to wake up very early the next morning, call him before he falls asleep, don't wait for him to call you the next day as soon as he wakes up.
- Ask him if he has any days off from work, or his office, and when he will be busy with something he can possibly interrupt to be on the phone with you. Maybe he has lunch breaks during the week, or maybe after 4pm he might be more free. But don't make any assumptions, ask him what time he likes best.
Step 3. Don't be pushy
By asking him for the full list of his commitments, let him know that you are only doing it to avoid disturbing him. And anyway, if he doesn't want to tell you what he's doing minute by minute, don't be inquisitive. He will also have the right to have some free time for himself (as you are entitled to).
Part 2 of 5: Trust him
Step 1. Trust him
The reason you are unable to stop texting and calling him all the time, or show up to him without notifying him, is because you don't really trust him. The time has come to overcome your insecurities. Ask yourself where these doubts come from, if trust in him is low, ask yourself why and how you can solve the problem. Improve your attitude, or he may feel suffocated. If you don't trust something your boyfriend has done in the past, then consider whether or not to continue the relationship.
Step 2. Reassure yourself
Now that you know his occupations and his daily schedules you should feel reassured, you should be calm and trust him; if you can't, then try to understand why you are attached to a person you suspect so much.
Step 3. Respect his free time
Accept that his family and friends are also important in his life, he also has a right to spend time with them. Your boyfriend will respect you a lot more when he realizes that you are tolerant and flexible, rather than someone who tries to hog all his free time.
Part 3 of 5: Minimize contacts when you think you are bothering him
Step 1. When you think you are disturbing him, try to contact him as little as possible
Now that you know his schedule, try to understand that it's best to avoid interrupting him with phone calls and texts.
Step 2. Give it some time
Choose the day and time when it is best to call him; if he can't answer you right now, trust him, he'll call you back. Give him a chance to call you back! It is important to give him his space before he labels you as too much in need of attention.
Step 3. Remove temptation
It might be hard to resist the temptation to call him if you're bored or need his company, here are a few things that might hold you back from doing so:
- Delete all messages and phone calls you sent him.
- Leave your cell phone turned off and put it in a place where you won't be tempted to pick it up.
- Don't leave your phone in your room so you won't be tempted to call him at night or try to chat with him.
- If you have photos of him, add a copy of his to-do list so you can remember how busy he is right now.
Step 4. Offer to set a time to talk together
For example in the evening before going to bed, while waiting for the flight at the airport or while returning home, etc. Figure out when is the right time for a chat or a Skype call. And it's essential to get in touch with you when it's not appropriate to show up at his house without warning.
Step 5. Try to figure out how long you can last without calling him
If you call your boyfriend four times a day, try to wait at least four hours between calls. Could you wait four days? He has a phone, so he'll be able to see your missed calls, read the messages you've sent him, both text and voice. He will have noticed that you are calling him, as soon as he has some time for a chat with you, he will call you. If you avoid calling and texting him for days, he'll become curious about what's going on!
And best of all, if you don't contact him for a few days, he'll forget that you were bothering him before
Part 4 of 5: Be as busy as he is
Step 1. Prove to yourself that you don't need someone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
He has his priorities, so now find yours. Your happiness doesn't have to revolve only around him. If you're always sighing for a guy, you're not going to make yourself attractive. Don't give the numbers if he doesn't call you 10 times a day. Even better, don't go crazy if a busy day doesn't call you at all.
Step 2. Keep busy with your occupations
Don't think there is nothing you need to do, because there will always be something! Clean up, wash your clothes, tidy up your room, wash your car, meet friends, spend time with family, find your hobbies, finish some projects you left unfinished, do gymnastics, watch a movie, dedicate yourself to studying something, learn a new language, write a novel, etc. You have no excuse to keep sighing for him!
Step 3. Spend time with people who don't make you think of him
Don't always hang out with those friends who just remind you of your affair with your boyfriend. Seek the company of people you share interests with. If you have a friend who likes music, go to a concert together, if you have a friend who goes crazy for shopping, go shopping together. Don't surround yourself with people who only encourage your invasive attitude towards your partner.
Step 4. Now that you are busy too, he too will understand that you don't spend all day waiting for his call
Organize something with your friends without inviting them, your friendships and projects are as important as the activities you share with them.
Let your boyfriend know that you love him and want to talk to him, but that you have stopped spending all your time waiting for his call. He will need to realize that you have a life and interests too, and you may not be able to let it all go the moment he finally calls you
Step 5. Enjoy
He too will feel calmer knowing that you can be happy even when he is not available.
Step 6. Make him understand that you also want him to honor your commitments
By respecting your commitments, he will respect you too.
Part 5 of 5: Some of the most common challenges
Step 1. Try not to try your hand at any interpretation, ask him directly
Do not confuse his lack of availability with the passive - aggressive attitude of those who want to dump you. If he's trying to make time for you amidst all his busy schedules, this should reassure you and let you know that you are important to him, and that he is trying to take care of you. Now that you know his list of activities, you will understand that he is really busy. If you think he's avoiding you, then it's best to consider whether or not to continue the relationship.
Step 2. On the other hand, however, if he doesn't find any time to be with you and you feel left out, then reconsider the situation
If you suspect that he is rejecting you and that his commitments are just an excuse, it means that he is not at all the person for you. Perhaps he is already married to his job, business and goals, and it could be quite difficult to relate to a mind obsessed with ambition, unless you are too, and seeing him rarely does not cause you problems.
- If you disappear completely, he may try to get you closer. But also be prepared for the situation where he won't. If he doesn't look for you, then he is missing something, and you will have learned your lesson; next time you will be looking for a guy who likes to talk and express his feelings rather than hiding behind the answering machine.
- Not acting like a stalker who hasn't got the message yet. It will be destructive to both him and you, so if it doesn't work out with him, take your life back.
Step 3. Leave worries aside and try to understand what is good about your relationship
Find out how relationships between men and women with independent lives are more interesting, then go out and live your life; when your boyfriend calls you and you see each other you will have more interesting topics to talk about.
- He won't want to feel obligated to comfort you every time he calls you, so make up some excuses to prevent this from happening.
- Make it a pleasure to talk to you and not a meeting with the Spanish Inquisition.
- Don't argue about why he called you late, or why he hasn't been able to contact you for a few days. Rather read the previous steps again and learn how to organize call times.
Step 4. Accept the reality, some relationships fail to work
In the future, you may realize that you are happier with someone who is more sensitive to your needs by your side. You cannot change someone to suit your needs and you may regret someday if you decide to marry a person who has failed to "keep up with good intentions." The behavior you observe today is a warning for what is to come in the future!
Advice
- Remove all means of communication from you and leave the house for at least two hours. Go shopping, go for a walk or go to a party, look for new ways to get home from school or work, visit grandma, watch a movie at the cinema, walk in the park, go to church, it doesn't matter what what are you doing, but get out!
- If you're afraid of forgetting what to tell him, write it down somewhere. When he calls you you will have several things to talk about and that way your conversation will be longer!
- Give him some time to devote to his family and friends. But make it clear that the same goes for you.
- In case you are a guy struggling with a very busy girlfriend, think about all the times you might have interrupted and disturbed her. Men are also sometimes eager for attention! Change the genres and take advantage of the same article. And remember that girls need their space too.
- Remember that you must be respected! If your boyfriend can't find time for you in the midst of his busy schedule, then it's time to find a new boyfriend.
- Try to understand that he is not avoiding you, he probably would like to talk to you but at the moment he cannot stop mowing the grass, or (insert his job here), or he is too busy finding new customers to win future earnings.
- Are there things you can do together? If he needs you for something, like gardening, offer to help!
Warnings
- Don't call his friends asking for him, it's classic obsessive behavior!
- Do not always call your family, they will think that you are crazy and you will annoy them.
- There is no quicker way to end a relationship with a girl than to receive the screams of the boss while you are too busy on the phone, or absent from work.
- If your boyfriend is too busy and you can't live the relationship peacefully, then leave him.
