Being married to someone who abuses you can make you feel lonely and hopeless. However, this is not the case: many other people have already gone through the same experience as you. If your wife abuses you, protect yourself by learning to clearly express your limitations and recognize what triggers her violence. If you want to leave it, find out what resources are available to you and plan your escape. Whether you want to stay or leave, make sure you take advantage of all forms of assistance to take care of yourself.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Protect yourself
Step 1. Speak out the limits your wife shouldn't cross
He may not realize he is abusing you. Let her know you don't like how she treats you. You can do this by talking about your discomfort and communicating the consequences that will occur if your attitude does not change.
- For example, if your wife insults you, you can tell her, "Don't offend me. If you keep doing it, I'm leaving."
- Try to voice your limits when they are exceeded, so that there are no misunderstandings.
Step 2. Recognize and avoid the elements that cause abuse
In almost all cases, there are signs of abuse. For example, your wife may hit you more often when she drinks.
- If you notice a trigger or a red flag, run away from your wife. Leave the house and go to a safe place.
- If you can't leave the house, lock yourself in a room where you can stay safe until your wife leaves or calms down.
Step 3. Stay calm
If your wife abuses you, try not to get upset. One way to release tension and find serenity is to breathe deeply. You can try this exercise when trying to regain control during abuse.
Inhale deeply through your nose, hold your breath briefly, then exhale through your mouth. Repeat the cycle a few times to regain control
Step 4. Resist the urge to react
It is not easy to endure abuse, but do what you can not to respond with violence. Reprisals do not help to resolve the situation.
- If you hit your wife, the chances of proving that you have been abused become minimal. Authorities already have a hard time judging your case objectively, because women are more commonly victims of abuse.
- Whether you are a man or a woman, if your wife tries to provoke you into physical confrontation, walk away. If you hit her, you could end up in handcuffs.
Step 5. Go to a safe place
Find a place to take refuge when your wife abuses you. You can go to a friend, relative or neighbor, or to a public place, such as the park or library.
If you have children, take them with you, especially if you feel they are in danger. Also, it won't do them any good to hear constant arguments
Step 6. Call 911 if you are in danger
If your wife threatens your life, that of your children, or wields a weapon, you need to ask for help. Don't ignore his threats and don't avoid calling the police because you think they won't believe you. Call immediately.
- It is important to take action, because reporting the abuse lets your wife know that there are consequences for her actions. Also, you will collect evidence, because the officer will have to fill out an official accident report.
- Don't feel embarrassed because you are forced to report that your wife is abusing you. Anyone can be abused, including men.
Method 2 of 3: Escaping Abuse
Step 1. Document the abuse
It is important to obtain evidence that the abuse is real. This way you create a case against your wife and make sure that you are not going to be accused.
- Write the dates and times of the abuse. Take pictures of your injuries and go to the doctor so that the incident is recorded in your medical record.
- If another adult witnessed the abuse, ask for a testimony to include in your records.
- If your wife sends you threatening or abusive messages or emails, save them.
- If the abuse is emotional, try to describe your wife's behavior in as much detail as possible.
Step 2. Take advantage of community resources
Contact local domestic violence programs and ask if they can help you escape from your wife. Many of these programs are aimed primarily at women, but you should find some that help men as well.
- These programs can help you plan your escape, as well as provide you with counseling and counseling, so you can get a restraining order against your wife. If you have children, they can help you obtain temporary custody (as long as the abuse is well documented).
- For help on how to take advantage of local resources, contact the Telefono Rosa number 1522.
Step 3. Prepare an "escape" suitcase
In an agitated situation, you will not be able to collect the items you need to leave your wife. For this, prepare a bag in advance with everything you and your children need.
- In the suitcase you can put clothes, cash and important documents, such as identity card and health card.
- If you are planning to bring your children with you, inform them of your escape plan in advance. Consider their age when explaining the purpose of the plan.
Step 4. Think about emergency contacts
Think about where you will go and who you will call when you leave your wife. Make a list of emergency numbers and contact information for close friends and relatives.
Inform the emergency contacts of your escape plan. If you don't have a car, ask someone to pick you up. At that point, you will have to decide where to go, for example to a shelter or to a relative's home
Step 5. Don't tell your wife where you are
Once you have decided to leave her, do not let her know where you will go, because you would be putting your life and that of your children at risk. To keep this secret, you can go to a shelter or the home of a relative your wife doesn't know. That way, they'll have a harder time finding you.
You should also avoid contacting her once she has escaped. From now on, let the police or your legal representative do the talking
Step 6. File for divorce if you fear your wife will continue to abuse
People who abuse others rarely change. However, if your wife admits her mistakes and agrees to meet a professional psychologist, there is hope of saving the marriage. If, on the other hand, he denies the abuse or denies the allegations, the best choice for your health is to file for a divorce.
- If you want to end your marriage because your wife abuses you, talk to a lawyer and find out what your rights are. Depending on the country you live in, you may have to live apart from your wife for some time before getting a divorce.
- It will be helpful to have evidence of abuse and witnesses on your side, so it won't be your word against your wife's.
- Don't agree to resume the relationship because she promises you to change. A temporary separation may not be enough to bring about a change.
Method 3 of 3: Get Assistance
Step 1. Contact friends and family
Tell loved ones what's going on in your home. Ask for financial assistance, a place to stay, or just a shoulder to cry on if you need it.
If you are a man who is a victim of domestic violence, the abuse might make you feel embarrassed, but you shouldn't. Keeping abuses secret will only lead to isolation and lack of support
Step 2. Talk to a psychologist
Therapy is a wise choice for abuse victims. Whether you decide to stay with your wife or leave her, you may have a hard time accepting your situation and not knowing how to move forward. A psychologist can give you practical advice and support.
Ask your GP for a referral to a counselor, or seek advice from the domestic violence shelter staff
Step 3. Join a support group
You may feel less isolated by talking to people who understand you. Search the internet for groups dedicated to assisting victims of domestic violence in your area.
Group members can help you accept reality and can give you practical advice, such as how to raise your children on your own or how to find a divorce lawyer
Step 4. Develop a routine to take care of yourself
Abuse leaves emotional scars, which remain even when the wounds have healed. You can recover from domestic abuse by making healthy lifestyle choices that help you express your feelings and move on.
