It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and forget to take the time to appreciate the relationship as you should. If you are having a difficult time with your wife, know that this is quite normal, especially if you have been married for many years. Keep in mind that there are many things you can do to help restore your marriage to the harmony of the past. Try following some of these tips to let your wife know that you still care about her.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Identifying Marriage Problems
Step 1. Think objectively about your relationship
Take some time to think about why you were originally attracted to your wife and what you like about her. Think about your qualities that she was drawn to, and what may have changed over the years. It can be easy to lose the spark after many years, but it's important to try to understand what's making your marriage unhappy. Maybe she does things you disapprove of and don't like at all, but also think about what you could do to make things better.
Step 2. Talk to your wife to find out what you can do to make her happy
Show her that you realize that something in your relationship has cracked and that you want to make things better. Ask her what you can do to reestablish the relationship. Let her know that you want to invest in your marriage and that you are ready to change if necessary.
Step 3. See a couple counselor
If you have the impression that you and your wife are arguing a lot, it might be a good idea to go to a marriage counselor. Find one that makes you both comfortable and start attending meetings. This can be a great way to talk about your problems by getting help from a mediator who reassures you and makes it easier for you to talk about your feelings. He can also advise you on methods and activities to practice at home to try both to improve your relationship and to renew your levels of intimacy.
Step 4. Make a list of things you might do differently each day
Also think about everything your wife does for you and write it down. Seeing them all listed might surprise you. Also include those activities like housework, errands, if she works to help support the family, and so on. Remember to also add those little things that are easier to take for granted, like paying your cable TV bill every month, saving you from having to remember, or replacing the alarm batteries so you don't get late for work.
Then think about all the things you do for your wife and add them to that list. Try to write everything down and remember to do it every day. Include the little things, too, like starting a load of laundry in the washing machine or letting her choose the show on the TV and watch it together
Part 2 of 4: Making Your Wife Feel More Appreciated
Step 1. Listen to her when she speaks
Communication is the foundation of a healthy marriage. It is very common to take the other for granted and get carried away by the routine of daily life. Ask your wife how her day was and really listen to her answer. Make eye contact when she talks to you so she knows you're giving her your full attention. Do not interrupt her and wait to speak until she has finished the speech. Allow her to let off steam with you about the things that are troubling or troubling her, instead of trying to ask her to solve her problems.
Step 2. Learn to thank her
Most likely your wife is doing a lot more for you than you realize. It's easy to get caught up in the daily grind and expect the wife to cook dinner, clean the house, or get the kids ready for bed, as she always does. Sometimes a simple thank you can make all the difference. It is important for her to feel appreciated and to know that you recognize all the things she does for you and your family.
Step 3. Offer to help around the house more
Surprise your wife by preparing dinner yourself or vacuuming the living room for her. Make a plan to do all the grocery shopping this week. Tell her that you want to take it upon yourself to prepare the children for bed, since she always prepares them in the morning for school. Show her that you don't expect her to do it all by herself, and that you are more than willing to help her out. By taking care of all the household chores you may be able to appreciate more everything that is right for you.
Step 4. Give her a day off
Offer to look after the kids for a day while your wife goes shopping. Or encourage her to go out to dinner with her friends. Or even just wash the dishes yourself so she can take a nice relaxing bath. Let her know that you realize how much work she does both at home and for you, and that she deserves a break from all the daily chores. Everyone needs some time to relax, and making the effort to give it to your wife will make her understand that you take care of her.
Part 3 of 4: Addressing Specific Relationship Problems
Step 1. Identify specific problems in your relationship
No two marriages are alike in the whole world. You need to think about your relationship as a couple and understand if there are any particular problems that you can solve, issues that go beyond the aspect of making your wife happy and making her feel appreciated and loved.
Step 2. Work hard to earn his trust
If you've given her reason to question your behavior in the past, try to remedy it now. Trust is a key component in a lasting marriage, so you need to make sure your wife can trust you. Find a way to let her know where you are and what you do, let her access your phone and email, invite her when you go out with your friends. Basically, do what is necessary for them to trust you again. And then, do something more as well.
Step 3. Avoid temporarily separating from your wife
Separation is only the step before divorce. It is better to tackle problems together rather than from separate places. If you start living divided, you will not be able to see each other every day and the distance between you will grow. At that point, when you step away from a relationship, it also becomes easier to imagine your life without her, rather than feeling obligated to commit to solving your problems.
Whatever you do, don't help her pack her bags if she wants to leave. You may be convinced that you are being nice by helping her, but she may take it as encouraging her to leave
Part 4 of 4: Raising Intimacy Levels
Step 1. Do new things together
Sharing experiences is a great way to build intimacy between people. So, if you have the feeling that she is drifting away, plan a fun activity that you have never done before. Take tennis lessons together or hike to a new location you've never visited before. Try a weird new sushi restaurant or get a tattoo. Doing something exciting and new together will help you to revive both the understanding and the passion between you.
Step 2. Make time for quality time together
This is an important aspect in marriage. Try to organize your own evening every week or at least once a month. Contact a babysitter and leave the children at home. Go to the cinema or get a room in a hotel for that night. Take a trip to the beach on the weekend, or take her to lunch during your work break. Take steps to show her that you love her and that you want to spend time with her, not just because she is your wife and you live together, but because you really enjoy being around her.
Step 3. Ask her questions and get to know each other again
After years of marriage, you may be convinced that you know everything about your wife, but in reality you don't. Try asking her how she met you and what impression you made on your first date. You may be surprised by his answers. Ask her which dress she particularly likes and what time of day she likes best. Ask her which items are still on the "black list" or which food she has never tried because it makes too much of an impression on her. People change over time and you don't always notice it. Take some time to get to know your wife and who she is Now.
Step 4. Start getting close to her even without sexual intentions
While sex is a very important aspect of any marriage, engaging in non-sexual contact with your wife is also crucial. This helps both of you feel in tune and loved throughout the day. Try holding her hand, even if it's just for a moment. Cuddle her on the sofa while you watch TV. Put your hand on his leg while you are driving. Any physical contact - even a small one - that you make to your wife and that she makes to you makes you happy.
Advice
- Help her with housework on a regular basis.
- It is enough to listen to it. This is probably all he wants.
- Leave her as much time for herself as you take for yourself. If you go golfing once a week for 6 hours, she also deserves 6 hours a week to devote to her activities. If you have a hobby that keeps you busy for two hours every night, she is also entitled to two hours every night for herself.
- Let her talk about whatever she wants every single day. Marriage is a couple relationship and you should be there first and foremost for her. Turn off the TV, leave everything else alone and pay attention only to her by letting her give her speech. Even just 15 minutes a day is a great help, as most of the time it doesn't get that kind of full attention from anyone else, including you.
