It is always difficult to end a relationship. Like any loss, even the end of an important love story can generate strong emotions. The longer you have been with a person, the more intertwined your lives will be. Whether it was a long-lasting relationship or a relationship that ended badly, there are some ways to get over it and move on. Give yourself time to grieve, get back on track, re-frame your priorities, and start moving forward. You will probably need time and patience, but you can do it!
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Suffering the End of the Relationship
Step 1. Give yourself time to grieve
It is normal to cry and feel bad about bereavement or the loss of someone. An unpleasant romantic breakup makes no difference. Realize that you are not suffering from the disappearance of a person, but from the loss of something in which you have invested much of your time, your energy and your love, which did not go the way they hoped.
You will likely go through the typical stages of grief, including denial, anger, negotiation, depression, and acceptance. You may not go through them all, or even in the classic order, but keep in mind that some of these moods may arise
Step 2. Work out everything you think and feel about your relationship
Do this gradually and episodically, without ruminating excessively. Don't spend too much time reflecting and reviewing everything that happened, but find 15-20 minutes to process some memories and then move on with your day. In other words, you need to reconsider your story so you get a clearer picture of it. Consider the following.
- Think about why your relationship wasn't working out and why you are better off without your ex. The truth is that something happened and you didn't have a strong compatibility with him. The sooner you are able to pinpoint why the relationship failed, the easier it is to put it all behind you and get on with it.
- Remember the negative aspects of your ex. You won't be able to analyze them immediately, but once they are spotted they will help you gain a new perspective on your story.
- Ask yourself what you have learned from this relationship. Did you have needs that the other party did not take into consideration? Couldn't you hang out with your co-workers? You have a lot to learn about yourself and what you want (or don't want) when a relationship ends.
Step 3. Give yourself the opportunity to cry or be angry for a short time
You will certainly hate being seen agitated and want to show that you can live without the other person. However, suppressing emotions can be detrimental to physical and mental health. Don't hesitate to cry, scream and vent your anger even in the privacy of your home.
- If the story ended badly, for example with arguments, heavy words and resentment, it is important to express anger in a controlled way to move forward.
- The benefit you can derive from venting anger is cathartic in nature because it allows you to release strong emotions.
- An added benefit is that you have the ability to manifest them in a controlled manner. By doing this, you will prevent them from spilling into other areas of life, such as work.
Step 4. Talk to him one more time
You may not have this desire, but it is normal. On the other hand, consider that one last conversation might help you get over it. You may feel more relieved after communicating what you think or are feeling. Maybe you still have doubts or there is still something you would like to say. However, keep in mind that a confrontation with your ex doesn't always allow you to leave everything behind.
- Think about what you would like to tell him before meeting him. This way, you will be able to organize your thoughts.
- Ask him the questions you are looking for an answer to. If the breakup came unexpectedly, ask him what happened.
- Try to stay calm even if you feel nervous or angry. If the last time you saw him was the day you broke up, you might get even more nervous about seeing him again.
Step 5. Keep your distance
After discussing your breakup, step away and avoid contacting him for a period. Meeting him in the places he frequents, calling him or looking for his presence, will only prolong your pain. Also, you risk idealizing your story and the desire to get back together will be even stronger. Even if you want to create a beautiful friendship, you will need some time at first.
- Delete his number. This way, you won't have the ability to text him late at night and you will be able to keep your distance.
- Block him or remove the friendship on social networks. If you see what it is doing through updates, you will have a much harder time forgetting your story.
- If you can, stay away from the places he frequents. Once you hear the news of your breakup, your friends and family are likely to be willing to step in and help you distract yourself.
Step 6. Be flexible as soon as you break up
The latest clarifications and the ability to keep your distance may vary based on circumstances and situations. It is not always possible to make a clean break. Here are some scenarios:
- In the absence of children and sharing of assets, it is more plausible to permanently cut relationships. You should see it one last time and end your story forever.
- If you have been married and have had children, the possibility of settling the matter at once is less realistic. It still needs to be clarified, but surely you will have to review it in the future and you will not be able to completely exclude it from your life. This situation could affect what you have to tell him or give your comparison a different twist.
Step 7. Write down how you feel and what you think
The end of a relationship can affect physical, mental and emotional health. Buy a diary in which to write down certain aspects. Be honest about your story, but also what you think and feel during the days following the breakup. Simply putting your thoughts on paper will prove more helpful than you think. For example, you could start by writing:
- "It's been x days since we broke up and I feel…".
- "Dear Marco, here are all the things I've wanted to tell you lately."
- "Some of our favorite moments were…" followed by "The least pleasant ones were…".
Step 8. Delete or set aside memories
It is normal to keep thoughts and objects when living an important love story. However, they can be counterproductive and detrimental when it comes to moving on. So, get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex. You have to move quietly in your spaces without a photo or gift continually reminding you of your relationship.
It's not a problem if you're not ready to throw or discard them yet. Put them in a box and store them somewhere, out of your sight
Step 9. Do not adopt unhealthy methods of dealing with the situation
It is common to use these strategies during times of stress, sadness or despondency. Avoid consuming alcohol, drugs, or large amounts of food.
- Instead, spend your time away from home. In this way, not only will you be able to clear your mind, but you will also be able to improve your mood by promoting the production of vitamin D.
- Also consider learning new skills. For example, you could study photography, learn a foreign language, or learn to play a musical instrument. By trying something constructive, you will feel better in the long run. On the contrary, if you face reality with unhealthy strategies, you will only be able to distract yourself immediately.
Step 10. Talk to someone
Sometimes, the best way to deal with a bad breakup is to confide in someone. Call a friend and tell them what happened and how you feel. Talk to a family member with whom you have a close relationship, such as a sibling or your parents. If you are having a lot of difficulties or if the situation is severely undermining your self-esteem, see a mental health professional.
- If the story ended in an unpleasant fight, by talking to someone you will be able to analyze what happened and think about the words that hurt you.
- If the end of the relationship has left both of you with a bad taste in your mouth, venting to one person will allow you to deal with the situation and receive support.
- If during the last confrontation serious and unpleasant things were said, reflecting with someone you will be able to consider with greater objectivity the words spoken in the heat of the moment.
- If the story ended because of a betrayal, confiding in someone will prevent what happened from further eroding your self-esteem.
Part 2 of 3: Get back on track
Step 1. Find time for yourself
You will probably have given a lot of time and energy to the person you were with and you will struggle to find your own dimension. To overcome this obstacle, you need to focus exclusively on yourself, your self-esteem and your happiness.
- Surround yourself with friends who make you feel good.
- Repeat phrases to help you stay focused on your future and build your self-esteem.
- Volunteer for a cause that is important to you.
Step 2. Rediscover your passions
Sometimes, the breakup of a relationship surprises people by plunging them into sadness. One of the best consequences of a romantic breakup is to rediscover the things that made you happy. Maybe your ex hated Indian food so you could never eat it or maybe he would never take you to art exhibitions. Now you have the opportunity to call a friend and start pursuing your interests.
If it's been so long that you can't remember what you're passionate about, find a new hobby or interest. Rediscover yourself and your passions
Step 3. Decorate or rearrange your spaces
Another way to start again is to rearrange or renovate the space you live in. You will have the opportunity to get rid of all bad or bad things and adopt new styles, colors or decorations that are bright and inspiring. Also, by renovating your home, you can reduce stress or keep negative thoughts at bay that would arise if you lived in a place full of memories.
- Choose new photographs of yourself in the company of friends and family, and purchase additional frames to arrange them.
- Change the color scheme in the interior of the apartment or bedroom.
- Rearrange the kitchen to arrange everything in the order you want.
Step 4. Avoid fallback relationships if you can
It is normal to seek comfort or stability in a new relationship. However, this need can lead to further emotional confusion and difficulty. Think of the breakup of your recent relationship as a broken bone. Would it make sense to practice a contact sport with a fractured bone immediately after the accident? Or would the risk of worsening your physical condition increase further? So, give yourself time to heal and try to recover emotionally first.
Step 5. Take care of yourself
After a painful breakup, it's easy to forget your own needs. It's okay if you feel sorry for yourself for a while, but don't neglect yourself. You are important and you should treat yourself accordingly. Watch how you eat, sleep, relax, and look after your health to see how you can improve.
- Make sure you don't neglect daily tasks, such as cooking, showering, and cleaning the house, even if they seem more difficult as you lick your wounds.
- Stay active by playing your favorite sport, such as swimming, running, or weight lifting. By exercising, you will feel healthier, you will stimulate the body to react well and you will feel a sense of well-being.
- Eat a balanced diet. You should eat five servings of fruits and vegetables, carbohydrates, some dairy and protein, eat less saturated fat and sugar, and drink plenty of water.
- Try to get adequate sleep. You need 7-9 hours of sleep per night.
- Pamper yourself by doing some beauty treatments at home, like a nice warm bath or a face mask.
Part 3 of 3: Move on
Step 1. Trust a strong support network
As you recover and start moving on, surround yourself with people who love you and care about your well-being. You will have less difficulty putting your story behind you if you have people you love and encourage you to move on.
- They need to be able to support you and understand that you need to proceed on your own time.
- Your support network should include people you can call when you need help or someone to talk to.
Step 2. Stay with your friends
When you are ready to cultivate your social life again, reach out to your friends. Try to contact them and re-establish relationships. This way, not only will you be able to relieve the stress of having to move on, but you will also have time to rediscover what you love about each of them. Make an appointment for lunch, go to a party together or plan a day at the spa.
Step 3. Learn to listen to yourself
As you come out of this story, listen to yourself to know when you are ready to take the next step. Go gradually and don't try to get through everything as fast as possible. Unfortunately, romantic breakups don't work that way. It may take time to recover and permanently forget your story. So, give yourself the time you need and you will certainly be better off.
Step 4. Reflect on what you have learned
Sometimes, it's easy to consider a relationship as a failure, especially if it ends badly, but even the most difficult relationship can teach you something about what you are looking for (and not looking for) in a partner, about how to communicate and deal with quarrels, about limits. to be established in future relationships and so on. Ask yourself what values you particularly care about so that you can find a like-minded person when you feel ready to commit again.
For example, your recent relationship may have taught you how important it is to have a partner who professes the same religion as you or who prioritizes family. When you know someone, use your new awareness to see if there is compatibility
Step 5. Get back in the game when you are ready
Take your time to start dating. Find out how you would like to relate and if you really want a new love story. You could ask friends to introduce you to someone or sign up for an online dating site. Alternatively, if you're not ready yet, keep yourself open to new possibilities. Proceed as you please. Make your decisions based on what your previous breakup taught you about values to follow and what you look for in a partner.
