We all feel helpless in the face of a separation, especially when we have to help a friend who is suffering for love. One of the most important aspects of being able to help a friend during a breakup is understanding that you simply cannot change or resolve the situation. Once you understand, to help your friend just listen to him and give him a safe shoulder to cry on.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Helping Your Friend in the Short Term
Step 1. Listen
Right after a breakup - whether the relationship lasted six months or six years - your friend is likely to feel confused as well as sad. Your friend will probably want to talk about this confusion right away, and really listening is one of the most important first steps in showing your affection.
Whatever reason we are given for a breakup, questions always remain "What could I have done differently?" or "Can they fix it?". It makes perfect sense that people are confused after a rejection, especially if it is unexpected
Step 2. Be patient
It's easier to maintain a friendship in good times, so it's only natural that a difficult time like a breakup tests friendship, which can become frustrating. Always remember that it is your job as a friend to express compassion and to feel involved, even if it means hearing the same questions and stories over and over, during your friend's recovery phase. You will need to be patient right away until your friend gets better.
If it helps, remember a time when your friend in need helped you after a breakup or firing. Think objectively about how patient he has been with you during these difficult times
Step 3. Help your friend feel understood
Of course, your friend doesn't want to think about talking to a wall, so make sure you get involved with their stories and questions to make them feel understood. When answering, try to avoid the platitudes about separations though. The only thing your friend wants to hear is that there are other fish in the sea, because it means not valuing his feelings.
- In general, you should say things that reassure your friend and let him know that you value what he feels. Avoid telling your friend how he should feel and avoid giving him advice right away, unless you are asked.
- Instead of telling your friend to try to be more positive, acknowledge that the situation is unfair.
Step 4. Avoid talking about your previous breakups
While it may be tempting to compare your friend's situation to your previous breakup, you should avoid doing it immediately after the event. You may think you are expressing your sympathy, but you may inadvertently cross the line and give the impression that you want to dominate the scene or talk about you. Give your friend time to be the protagonist of his or her pain.
Step 5. Discourage your friend if he wants to contact his ex
Often those who have just received a rejection try to deny the end of the relationship. Your friend, in the early stages of the breakup, may be tempted to contact his ex in ways that wouldn't help. While you should discourage your friend from taking this course of action, if he asks for your opinion, don't get too involved in this decision.
- If your friend talks to you about this, they've probably already decided to contact their ex, so don't get frustrated if they don't follow your advice.
- Separations awaken an irrational part of us. Stopping your friend from contacting his ex is like a parent preventing a teenager from doing something. Your friend may decide to do this just to counter your common sense.
Step 6. Distract your friend, within reason
The emotional effects of a breakup represent a grieving process. Not only is it natural for people to suffer, but it is necessary to move forward in a healthy way. You may be tempted to immediately start letting your friend out to bombard him with distractions from pain and sadness, but you should allow your friend to grieve instead of always making him ignore or forget the separation. For this, use distractions occasionally and within reasonable limits.
While taking your friend on a shopping spree or a football match once in a while are great breaks from the stress they experience, trying to continually subject them to external stimuli will only prolong the recovery process or even cause the person to repress their feelings. emotions he has to deal with
Method 2 of 2: Helping Your Friend in the Long Term
Step 1. Let your friend go their own way
We all suffer differently and for different times. Don't get an idea of how long the recovery phase should last based on the length of the relationship or whatever. Accept that your friend will have to find his way alone and in his own time.
This process will test your patience, but there is nothing you can do to speed it up. The person will overcome the suffering when he is ready
Step 2. Help him in everyday life
Suffering often seems to dominate all aspects of your friend's life, who may start not going or shopping or avoiding the errands we hate running even when we're happy. While you shouldn't be mom to your friend, offering your help with shopping or laundry can mean more than you think.
By offering to take care of something, even if it is simple and mundane, you will help your friend much more than people who don't even offer to do it
Step 3. Continue to have fun together
While you should let your friend deal with the pain and sadness in the short term, don't think you can't have fun with him in the weeks and months following the breakup. Especially in the case of long relationships or living together, finding yourself single can be strange for those who think they have lost part of their identity. If you and your friend have weekly dinners or other rituals planned for you, pick them up again as soon as your friend is ready.
- These gestures can give your friend a sense of normalcy and help him move forward.
- Remember that overcoming a breakup is not a perfectly linear process. Even after resuming his fun routine, your friend will still have happy days and some less so. Resist the temptation to force the recovery process. Your friend seeks security and understanding in your friendship.
Step 4. Monitor your friend's alcohol consumption
While not recommended, we all know it's perfectly normal to indulge in a few extra drinks for an evening or two after a breakup. However, when the breakup is no longer as recent and the recovery phase begins, make sure your friend doesn't rely too much on drugs or alcohol to get better.
In addition to the risk of addiction, a healthy body will lead to mental health much faster, and no one is able to sleep, eat, or exercise enough if they party too often
Step 5. Focus on what makes your friend feel best
While your friend shouldn't avoid or repress the pain and sadness of separation, these feelings often get vented in the weeks and months following the event. Channeling negative emotions into positive activities is a process called sublimation. Find the activities your friend uses to sublimate the suffering and encourage him to do them.
A person might train harder, learn to paint or play an instrument, or focus on work to get a promotion. Offer your friend abundant positive reinforcement to encourage him to continue the productive ways he is handling his situation
Step 6. Let your friend get angry
In most people's grieving processes, anger follows the confusion, denial, and sadness brought on by a separation. Anger usually indicates that your friend accepted the rejection and overcame the loss. While this anger shouldn't lead your friend to take negative or violent actions, being angry isn't a sign of relapse.
However, discourage your friend from thinking that all women are evil or untrustworthy. Not everyone is bad if only one person has hurt you
Step 7. Convince the person not to jump into another relationship
Without the love of the ex, your friend may try to replace him with another relationship. This is a terrible idea, for the same reason that you should avoid too many distractions - your friend will get distracted without dealing with his. problems.
Try to convince him not to jump into another relationship if it feels like that's what he is doing, but remember to take an attitude that is not too involved. In other words, don't feel anger if your friend starts the relationship anyway, and don't stop him so directly that you push him to do it in order to turn against you
Advice
- Make him laugh at every opportunity.
- Let him know that you are there for him; it can make a big difference at a time like this.
- Don't make him tell you what happened. He'll tell you when he's ready.
- Give him his space and privacy if he needs it; especially if he needs to clear his mind about what happened.
- Hug your friend when he cries, and tell him you love him and you will always be by his side.
