Almost everyone faces a painful separation in life. You are not the only one who feels anger in these situations. Acting right and trying to be a good person despite your pain can help you grow as an individual and get through the relationship. Over time, you may even be able to maintain a friendship.
Steps
Step 1. Avoid all contact - for now
Limiting interactions with your ex after a difficult breakup will reduce the temptation for another fight. Even if you plan on staying friends with your ex, give yourself some space in the beginning. Getting over a breakup will be more difficult if you are always reminded of what you have lost or the reasons why you are upset.
Step 2. Find a safe way to vent your anger
Feeling hurt is a natural consequence of the breakup, and feeling sorry for the relationship's breakup is a step forward. Instead of directing your anger towards your ex, try to find an activity that helps you vent your emotions in a safe and constructive way. Try a new hobby, or pick up one you loved in the past.
Many people find that strenuous physical activity helps a lot in these situations. Aggression in sports is one of the few occasions when angry displays are socially acceptable, and fatigue from intense activity can distract you from separation. Plus you'll be in better shape when you feel ready to hang out with other people
Step 3. Resist the urge to make your ex's shortcomings public
After breaking up with someone, you probably know all sorts of nasty and unpleasant things about them. As much as you would like to say these things to the world, avoid doing it. You would not gain anything from this action. If the information is not directly relevant to the health or safety of another person, do not tell anyone.
If you just can't resist the temptation, write down all the worst things about your ex on a piece of paper. Fold the paper and keep it in a secret place, with the intent of destroying it in the future. When you finally understand that you have overcome the separation, get rid of it
Step 4. Don't tell anyone about the separation
Of course, you should discuss the breakup with your trusted friends, but avoid the temptation to communicate the event to anyone who is willing to listen to you - even if you just want to talk about how hurt you feel. Keeping your mouth shut will show that you are able to keep the things you shouldn't say private.
If someone outside the circle of close friends explicitly asks you to tell them about what happened, politely reply, "I'd rather not talk about it. Thanks for your understanding."
Step 5. Focus on your best qualities
Instead of mulling over your faults about separation, focus your attention on appreciating your best traits. If you have to, look in the mirror and say aloud the things you like about yourself, or write down the compliments other people give you in an easy-to-access place. Repeat these exercises as often as you need to. Improving your confidence will allow you to avoid venting on your ex.
Step 6. Recognize the positive aspects of the relationship
There must have been some good times in the relationship, or you wouldn't have had one. Although most of the memories of the relationship are terrible, it will still have contributed in some way to your personal growth. When you have found the right distance from separation, take note of the precious things you have earned, and remember that you cannot change the past, you can only learn from it.
Advice
- Resist the urge to jump right into another relationship. Instead, use this time to heal and work on yourself before starting to focus on another person.
- Delete your ex's phone number and email address. Having access to this information in times of trouble could have negative consequences.
- Don't use mutual friends as ammunition. If someone you know well wants to be friends with your ex, try to accept it gracefully.
Warnings
- Remember that making defamatory or malicious comments about your ex - in writing or verbally - can lead to you getting sued.
- If you are in possession of compromising images of your ex, do not share them with anyone and delete them immediately. If your ex is considered a minor in your jurisdiction, disseminating these photos could constitute sexual exploitation of a minor (a crime), even if you are a minor yourself.
