Hangouts are social situations that are difficult to navigate. You want to understand what you want from a relationship or date, without disrespecting the people around you and their feelings. It may happen that a man you are not interested in asks you out; in that case, you should decline his invitation honestly and politely.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Say No to an In-Person Invitation
Step 1. Listen to what he has to say
Especially if the man who asks you out is an acquaintance or friend, don't interrupt him while he talks to you.
- Even if you already know that he will ask you out and that you will say no, don't interrupt him. If you did, you would seem rude and too eager to dismiss it.
- Keep a respectful distance from him, then smile softly. Don't approach him or suggest with your body language that you might be interested.
Step 2. Just say no
The worst thing you can do when you politely reject someone is to delude them. At first it will be difficult for him to hear a sharp "no", but in the long run it is for the best.
- Don't make excuses. No need to lie. Don't tell him you have a boyfriend if it's not true. Don't tell him, "I just got out of a relationship and I'm not ready to date someone else." Even if that's true, you may be giving him the false hope that things can change and that's not fair.
- Try to be direct and polite. You can say, "You seem like a nice guy, but I'm not attracted to you. I still appreciate you asking me out." That way your position is clear, but you expressed it more politely than a blunt no.
- Be brief. There's no need to waste too many words on rejection just to sound kinder.
Step 3. Let him know if you prefer to be friends with him
If you really want to be friends with a guy who asks you out, let him know. This will make the rejection easier to digest and make him understand that you appreciate his company, even if you don't have a romantic interest in him.
- If you're not interested in a friendship, don't say it. Simply reply that you don't like him, wish him a good day, and walk away.
- If you tell him you hope you stay friends, make sure he knows you won't change your mind about it. Don't give him false hope. You can say, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested in a relationship with you, but I know someone else will be. I enjoy talking to you and would like us to be friends."
Step 4. Maintain a polite tone
When you have to say no to a man in person, tone matters and influences his reaction.
- Don't get defensive. You have every right to choose who to hang out with. Being defensive makes you look more aggressive or disgusted than you really are.
- Talk like you're apologizing. Try to appear open and displeased, while still maintaining a firm tone in your response. Look the man in the eye at least once when you talk to him.
Part 2 of 3: Say No to Someone via SMS
Step 1. Respond after a short time
If someone you're not interested in asks you out by text or email, you may be tempted not to reply.
- Do not give him the silent treatment hoping that he understands the message. The polite way to handle the situation is to give your answer.
- While it's important to respond quickly and not let more than a day pass, think about what to write for a moment.
Step 2. Use first person affirmations
When you reject someone, using the first person allows you to focus the rejection on yourself, so that the guy you're talking to doesn't feel insulted or debased.
- For example, instead of saying "I'm sorry, you're not my type", you can try "I'm very sorry, but I don't feel anything romantic about you."
- Or: "I'm happy to have met you, but I don't think anything more can be born between us."
Step 3. Write politely
If you're texting too informal to let a man know you're not interested in him, you may seem rude. Even if you normally write very informally, try to be more respectful in your rejection.
- Use complete sentences and words. Instead of writing "No grz. I don't care in that sense", try "Thanks for the invitation, but I don't see you that way".
- Add a nice phrase after the rejection. This closes the conversation and softens the blow. Write something like: "I'm sorry, I wish you the best John!".
Step 4. Be honest
Often, it is easier to lie over text than it is to lie in person. It can be tempting to find excuses to avoid problems, but in the long run, it's always best to tell the truth.
- Don't give answers that can be misunderstood. Make sure he understands that you won't be interested in the future either and that your answer is final. Even if you want to be friends with him, tell him "There will never be anything romantic between us, but I'd like us to stay friends!" instead of "Do you mind if we remain friends for the moment?".
- Even if you need to be firm and answer definitively, look for something positive to say. For example: "I appreciate you asking me out, because it was nice to talk to you, but I don't have romantic feelings for you."
Part 3 of 3: Say No to Someone after the First Date
Step 1. Speak in a friendly but direct tone
It's often harder to turn down a man you've dated than one you've never dated. However, in some cases you need an appointment to find out if you really aren't interested.
- You can say, "I'm sorry, but I didn't feel the spark when we went out. I hope you can find a great girl!"
- If you're not attracted to a guy but want to be friends with him, you can say, "I had a lot of fun with you, but I don't have romantic feelings for you. Would you like it if we became friends?" This proposal is direct and makes him realize that even if you don't want to hang out with him, you still appreciate his company.
Step 2. Let them know as soon as possible
Once you understand that a guy doesn't like you, you should tell him. The longer you wait before telling him you don't want to go out with him a second time, the harder it becomes.
- If you've only seen each other once or twice, there's nothing wrong with telling him you don't care with a text. That way, you'll be able to write something polite and won't make him feel embarrassed in person.
- If you know you're not interested at the end of the first date, tell him right away. Before saying goodbye, you can say, "Hey, I want you to know that I don't think anything is going to happen between us, but I'm glad we met." This way you won't have to think too much about how to inform him.
Step 3. Keep your distance
Once you've told him you're no longer interested, don't keep talking to him. Even if you have decided to remain friends, it is a good idea to get away for a moment in the beginning.
- If he constantly texts you after you reject him, you can ignore his messages.
- If you talk to him, be careful to avoid flirting with him or confusing him.
