Sometimes, getting an invitation to go out is as stressful as advancing it. It can happen when you don't accept someone's advances. In these cases, an awkward situation arises and both parties can feel hurt if things are not handled properly. While it is almost never a positive experience, there are some ways to ease the grief and move on.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Reject a Friend
Step 1. Be direct from the first answer
If a friend has asked you for a date, the best thing to do is to respond firmly from the start. Don't hesitate and be honest. Generally, the best solution is to be clear and concise. Even if it seems almost insensitive to say "I only see you as a friend", you must state your intentions frankly. After that, you can also find some words to console him.
- Try saying, "I'm sorry! You're a great guy, but I just consider you a good friend." Formulated in this way, your refusal will also contain a compliment and, at the same time, will be very clear and direct.
- Don't worry about being numb. Straightforwardness will save the other person from long suffering.
Step 2. Be honest
Even if you don't seriously consider dating him, remember to respect his feelings. If you try to sweeten the pill so as not to hurt him, you make a common mistake among people. Therefore, you should try to give a rejection as honest and direct as possible. After all, he exposed himself by asking you on a date. The least he should get in return is a fair amount of sincerity from you.
- Don't confuse honesty with insensitivity. Try to express what you think without hurting their susceptibility. For example, instead of saying, "You are physically ugly", try to be more delicate by suggesting that it is a subjective matter: "Personally I am not attracted to you, but I see you impress other girls".
- It may seem like a good idea to gloss over the thornier aspects, but this approach could be misinterpreted. The best solution is to give all the reasons necessary for the other person to understand why you don't want to go out with them.
Step 3. Try to put yourself in his shoes
If you've ever asked someone to go out on a date, you'll know it takes courage to expose yourself. If it's a friend, his or her feelings for you probably go beyond a simple crush. If you try to see things from his point of view, you will have less difficulty in clarifying the situation.
- Despite the friendship that binds you to the other person, don't allow empathy to confuse your ideas. There is obviously a reason why you don't agree to date him as a potential partner, so you should continue along that line once you have undertaken it.
- Any kind of rejection can hurt. When trying to put yourself in your friend's shoes, try to think of times when someone hasn't accepted your invitation. In reality, the situation can be characterized by a thousand facets and generate a sense of sadness in the subject who receives the rejection.
- If you have a friend in front of you, you probably don't want to hurt him. However, as commendable as your attention to him is, you shouldn't let his feelings influence your decision.
Step 4. Give a compliment to soften the blow
That way, if he's in pain, you'll be able to cheer him up, comfort him, and allow him to get better. However, be careful not to make him think you still have a chance. Therefore, don't leave room for misunderstanding, but pay a compliment like you would a regular friend.
If appropriate, try saying, "Even if we're not going to be together, I think you're a very sweet and funny guy."
Step 5. Highlight the best sides of your friendship
If this is not relevant when dealing with a person you don't know, in the case of a friend, a rejection can compromise relationships. After the most painful phase, it would be appropriate to talk about the beautiful things that characterize your bond. At first, he won't seem too keen on settling for a friendship relationship, so remind him of the pleasant things to help him move on.
Emphasize the importance of your relationship. It will be a great confidence boost for the other party. After being rejected, he will likely need to be consoled
Step 6. Give yourself space and time
Any waste takes time and space to metabolize. Even if you are good friends, it is always best to distance yourself while the other person recovers their emotional balance. Once the necessary time has elapsed, you should start talking to each other again and resume intercourse where it stopped. The distance will serve you too. Even if it is expected that he will contact you again after some time, do not hesitate to make the first move. Wait until you think things have calmed down, then call him to find out how he is. After a few words you will realize if the storm has passed.
- The time required varies according to the reactions and your respective characters. The distance could last from a few hours to a few months.
- Be aware that the other person may no longer be interested in mending relationships. Sometimes the pain is too strong.
Part 2 of 3: Rejecting a Person You Don't Know
Step 1. Follow your instincts
While you should give almost everyone the opportunity to make themselves known, the ability to strike up a conversation with a stranger in a public place usually depends on contingencies. If his approach makes you uncomfortable, don't hesitate to follow your gut and refuse. On the other hand, if you are fine and appreciate his attention, let him continue and see how far he goes.
Don't accept because you feel pressured. This is a common mistake, but you should avoid it in the future
Step 2. Be direct when expressing your denial
You can always just say "no". Unlike the previous case where you have to be careful not to hurt a friend's feelings, you can more easily liquidate someone you don't know. A few simple words are enough for you.
- You can also express rejection through body language. If you are in a place with loud music, for example at the club, you can just shake your head. The message will be received immediately.
- Alternatively, try saying, "I'm not interested." It's simple, it gets out of the way, doesn't cost a lot of energy and doesn't offend anyone.
Step 3. Leave no room for interpretation
If you are dealing with a very pushy person, be aware that they may be analyzing your every word for some way out. In this case, the best way to reject it is the most direct one.
By giving her false hope at first, you risk never getting her out of the way
Step 4. Find an excuse
If you'd rather lie, make sure you don't get caught. Whether this is true or not, by saying that you are already in a relationship, you will prevent the other person from feeling hurt in pride. It is a widely used strategy, but you should only use it if you think the truth is not coming out.
By simply saying, "I'm engaged," you will ensure that those who woo you do not take rejection personally
Step 5. Don't apologize
It is perfectly normal to say, "Sorry, I'm not interested," but excuses can become a problem if they are too many. The other person will think they are pitying you or, even worse, will not be convinced of your refusal. Nobody wants to hurt the susceptibility of others, but apologizing won't make a rejectionist suitor feel any better.
Step 6. Allow the other person to have the last word
When two strangers talk, the ego can come into play. Everyone wants to have the last word and sometimes this attitude can lead to an argument. If you've turned down someone, there's a good chance they'll want to get back to you. Just listen to him and accept what he has to say, but don't feel obligated to reply.
It can be difficult advice to take. If you like to have the last word, remember that you only risk getting caught up in a long argument and coming out of it as a loser. However, you can gain some advantage by dismissing your interlocutor with a few words. The more concise you are, the sooner you will return to enjoy the evening
Part 3 of 3: Handling an Insistent Suitor
Step 1. Be firm about your rejection
One of the biggest mistakes people make when they don't accept someone's advances is not being firm enough on their decision. If a suitor persists, he is probably convinced that he still has a chance because he has not received a categorical rejection. If necessary, repeat that you have no intention of dating him. Don't mince words, but be direct and don't leave room for interpretation.
- For example, try to answer honestly and simply: "I'm sorry, but I don't want to go out with you." If you are not decided, there is a risk that the message will be missed.
- Make sure your body language is also in tune with the words. Non-verbal communication is very important. If you throw a few suggestive smiles while denying, your interlocutor may see it as a challenge to keep chasing you.
Step 2. Ignore it
If you come to the point of believing that he is unwilling to stop, the best thing to do in the moment is to ignore him. At most you can tell her that you are not interested at all. If it continues, cut all the bridges so that there is no longer an incentive to look for you. In some cases, he may go out of his way to get your attention. However, in most cases people start to lose interest after some time. It is the best approach to take for the good of both.
In other words, you should consider closing all virtual contacts as well. There is no point in distancing yourself in real life and continuing to comment on his messages on social networks. A suitor who doesn't give up won't miss the chance to get in touch with you online or via text message
Step 3. Involve your friends
Whether it's a stranger or someone you know, friends can help you when a suitor is buzzing around you and struggling to get your message. Then, let some of your most trusted friends know about the situation. Depending on the circumstances, they can give you advice on how to handle this person or even help you deal with them directly. In addition, they are able to offer you very strong emotional support. Don't lose sight of the fact that you have so many people who love you. Don't be afraid to contact them if someone harasses you.
It's even better if they know the person who's harassing you. They could talk to her directly and, hopefully, get her to give up on the goal of winning you over
Step 4. Talk to an authoritative person
Although it is better for figures with some authority (such as parents, teachers, police, etc.) to intervene in personal matters only in the worst case, consider this possibility if you feel that the situation is gradually getting out of hand. If you've made it clear to an avid suitor that you don't care about dating him, but he doesn't accept your refusal, things could get so bad that your safety is at the expense. If you get to this point, don't hesitate to ask someone to step in. If you feel in danger, filing a complaint will prevent the situation from taking a turn for the worse.
- Make this decision only if you think you are taking risks. Some people can take rejection very seriously and threaten to use violence. If your suitor just sends you a few text messages or just annoys you, you have no reason to seek intervention from the authorities.
- If you go to school, report the situation to a teacher or head teacher before contacting the police.
- A restraining order is used when a person is certain that his or her safety is in danger. This should only be considered if the situation is serious and there is no sign of stopping by those who persecute you. The idea of using a restraining order needs to be seriously considered and is not necessary for people who feel they are simply being bothered by someone.
Advice
- Ultimately, to reject someone, you have to find a balance between the firmness of saying "no" and the delicacy of not hurting his feelings. Find it by evaluating the circumstances and don't be afraid to be more categorical if at first it doesn't get your message.
- By imagining the reaction of your interlocutor before expressing your refusal, you will be able to face the conversation more serenely.
- While it is usually the boys who invite the girls out, the rules also apply to parts reversed. Everyone has their feelings, regardless of gender, and a wrong reaction can hurt anyone's pride.
- It is better to reject someone in person rather than with a text message. With physical presence you will show more respect for the feelings of others.
Warnings
- Don't give in or take a date if the other person pushes you to date them with threats. You will only get yourself in trouble. The resulting relationship will be characterized only by aggressive behavior.
- Some people harbor anger and resentment when they are rejected. In some cases, they can raise their voices or even become violent. If this happens, there is little you can do but make sure you are safe.
- Only decline an invitation if you are sure you are not interested. Once you say no, you probably won't get another chance if you later change your mind.
