Many people find that they are not fertile when trying to conceive a child, but others learn about it sooner. You may have undergone cancer treatments or have other health problems that interfere with fertility. If you're dating a person and your relationship isn't that deep yet, ask yourself if it's really a good time to talk about the subject. When you have learned to trust each other and love each other, you can deal with and manage fertility problems differently. Talking about such a sensitive topic during a simple date can be difficult, make your partner uncomfortable and scare them. When you feel ready for the discussion, decide in advance what to say and how. Be prepared for possible reaction and questions.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Prepare for Discussion
Step 1. Choose the right time
Deciding when to talk to your partner is probably the hardest part, because it's not easy to introduce infertility during a normal dinner conversation. Start by developing a relationship of trust, then plan when to talk about the problem and how to do it. Your fertility status is private information, so you may not want to share it with someone you've recently dated. However, if you think that a lasting relationship may arise between you, it may be best to talk about it as soon as possible. Remember that the choice is yours alone.
There is never a "right" time to talk about sensitive issues like infertility. Choose a time when you feel comfortable
Step 2. Choose the right environment
Don't talk about fertility in a noisy, crowded, or busy place. Find a time when you and your partner are relaxed and not busy. Private environments are often more suitable, so that you don't feel embarrassed to express your emotions.
Don't talk about your infertility in the presence of your partner's relatives and friends. Make sure you are alone and in private
Step 3. Try what you say
If you are afraid of stammering or not having the courage to talk about the problem, try it out ahead of time. Ask a friend or relative to be your audience for rehearsals. This can prepare you to talk to your partner.
Decide what kind of terms to use, such as "I am sterile" or "It will be very difficult for me to conceive a child."
Step 4. Make sure you have your partner's full attention
Do not talk about your fertility if he is distracted, doing something, or is in an altered state (e.g. drinking alcohol). When you find the courage to speak, you need to be sure that he listens to you
Talking about infertility with your partner can be difficult and make you feel neglected if he is distracted or more interested in something else
Part 2 of 3: Confess
Step 1. Accept the nervousness
It is completely normal to feel nervous or anxious when we share very personal information with someone. Accept the anxiety and do what you can to calm your nerves. If you start to worry about the other person's reaction, remember that you can't control them. If you feel uncomfortable, find a way to regain serenity.
Take deep breaths until you regain your composure
Step 2. Start the conversation
It is up to you to decide how to do it. You can approach the topic naturally or make a premise. Whatever your choice, find a moment to open the dialogue. You can prepare what you will say in advance, because it is not easy to think of a sentence about infertility on the spot.
- For example, if your partner tells a story about their grandson, use this opportunity to keep talking about children. You can say, "I love watching little children play and I find them adorable. I really hope I can have a family someday, even if it will be difficult for me."
- You can also start from scratch and say, "This is difficult for me to talk about, but I hope you understand me. After receiving cancer treatments, I developed health problems, including infertility."
Step 3. Decide how many details to provide
It is entirely up to you to decide how much to deepen the subject. For starters, it's probably best to choose simple, straightforward sentences and let the other person ask you the questions. For example, instead of giving a clinical diagnosis, you can say, "I have problems that affect my ability to conceive a child."
- Share only what you want. If your partner asks you a question that makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to answer. You can say, "I don't feel like answering."
- Be careful not to say too much. Your partner may not want to hear a long, detailed account of your hardships, pain, suffering, and previous experiences. You will be able to discuss these aspects in more depth in the future. Just give him the news and give him time to think.
Step 4. Provide some facts
Those who are not sterile probably do not know this problem well, they do not know how it affects you and what impact it has on relationships. For example, many people are surprised when they discover that infertility affects one in eight couples.
You could discuss the options available to someone with an infertility problem like yours, or make it clear that you are very unlikely to have children
Step 5. Consider your body language
Pay attention to how you communicate with gestures. For example, notice if you cross your arms or legs, if you look down, if you avoid eye contact, or if you don't face your partner. This may indicate that you are embarrassed, ashamed, uncomfortable, or would like to avoid the topic. Try to be open and available, without making your partner feel excluded. Pay attention to the non-verbal messages you send.
Your body language may communicate that you don't want to go deeper into the subject; this can lead to the conversation ending abruptly, even if your partner would rather ask you questions or have clarifications
Part 3 of 3: Managing the Consequences
Step 1. Explain the impact the problem has on you
If you are sterile and don't want to have children, this conversation might be easier for you. If, on the other hand, you have a strong desire to have a family, the discussion can become much more complex. Let your partner understand how you feel and how the problem affects you. Use first-person affirmations and focus on yourself.
- For example, you can say, "Being sterile makes me very sad, because I would love to have a family someday."
- You can also say, "I'm barren, but part of me is thankful that I have this problem, because I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to have a family."
- Ask your partner what he or she thinks about children and having a family before addressing the topic, so that it becomes easier to talk about your feelings. It will be easier to know what to say if you know you think the same way.
Step 2. Discuss the impact the problem has on your relationship
Sooner or later, couples have a tendency to talk about marriage and starting a family. Once you have confessed the truth to your partner, explain how infertility will affect your relationship and what it means for you from now on. He may be supporting you or may need some time to reflect on what you have said. For many people, this is life-changing news, so accept your partner's questions, concerns, and need to reflect.
You don't have to decide the future of your relationship right now
Step 3. Accept his answer
Some people are not interested in adoption, in vitro fertilization, surrogate mothers or having children. If your partner thinks so, don't try to make him change his mind. Accept the thoughts, opinions and beliefs he has, considering that these are differences you need to be aware of.
If you know that in the future you will want to try to conceive a child or seek adoption, it is best to know if your partner agrees
Step 4. Conclude on a positive note
If you're afraid the conversation will get too serious or have too much attention on yourself, end with something light, positive, or funny. You may start feeling depressed or sad after confessing your problem, so try to redirect your energies to something more positive.
