Knowing how to compliment is one of the most important interpersonal skills, which allows us to live well among others. It is also essential to know how to accept them. However, there are people who are absolutely unable to: they feel uncomfortable, they shy away or even change the subject. There is always a motivation behind such behavior. Digging a little deeper can help the people you care about accept compliments.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Giving an Effective Compliment
Step 1. Formulate the compliment in a way that draws attention to you
Your interlocutor will not be able to easily refuse it if you present it in the form of a personal impression.
- "I've never seen eyes of such deep blue before."
- "That song you played on the piano gave me calm and serenity".
- "Your smile brought a ray of sunshine into my day!".
- "I could never have finished this project without you. Thank you for the help you gave me."
Step 2. Be honest
People can spot a false compliment from one kilometer away. So, if you pretend, you will give the impression that you are an untrustworthy person and, as a result, you could compromise the relationship.
Think about why you intend to pay a compliment. Compliments are not meant for your own personal gain, but are meant to make people feel appreciated and good about themselves
Step 3. Try to be specific
Sometimes, a compliment sticks in your memory when it's extremely explicit, because it shows you're paying attention.
- "I appreciated the way you handled the questions during today's report. You helped the group find a win-win solution."
- "Your shirt has a really nice color. It matches your eyes perfectly."
Step 4. Be smart
Use your creativity so that the recipient feels indirectly appreciated.
- Ask for the recipe if you like what the other person cooked, or ask for advice. You will highlight his abilities.
- Report a nice thought that someone else has expressed towards your interlocutor or talk about how much others care about him.
- Involve the other person in some voluntary activity, so he will begin to believe himself capable of offering his contribution to others.
Step 5. Don't hesitate to give compliments if you wish
If it's part of your character, don't hesitate to pay a compliment just because someone reacts negatively. If praising and appreciating is your characteristic, go ahead without holding back.
- Moreover, if your interlocutor finds it hard to accept your compliment, think that in this way you will stimulate the activity of the striatum within his brain, encouraging him to improve his performance.
- A compliment can also improve people's self-esteem. In order for it to be effective, it is not important that they consciously "accept" it.
Part 2 of 3: Helping Someone Accept Compliments
Step 1. Avoid criticizing other people and speaking ill of your flaws
By behaving correctly, you will allow those in front of you to understand how strict each of us is in judging others and himself. To be credible when paying a compliment, try to set an example of how you can appreciate yourself and develop a positive view of yourself.
- Don't misjudge people's physical appearance and try not to criticize yourself or others. You could negatively affect the listener even if you are targeting yourself, not your interlocutor or someone else.
- Remember this especially in the presence of children and adolescents, who assimilate these behaviors from the adults around them.
Step 2. Focus on people's merits
To help someone fuel their self-esteem, you need to highlight their best sides. Admit that he could improve in some respects, but also acknowledge that he is a person of fantastic qualities in others.
Step 3. Reprimand your interlocutor if he withdraws or systematically refuses compliments
If someone has a habit of dismissing positive comments from others, bring this attitude to their attention so that they learn to recognize it and begin to welcome it when people compliment them.
Assure him that you would never allow yourself to say untrue things to him and that you feel hurt when he dismisses or trivializes your nice comment
Part 3 of 3: Getting to the Root of the Problem
Step 1. Admit that self-esteem issues exist
Unfortunately, some people fail to appreciate themselves. This difficulty may be due to the fact that they grew up in a less than encouraging environment or other situations that are difficult to overcome.
- Those with low self-esteem can hate compliments because they belie the negative image that has been built around them and, therefore, cannot believe what they are told.
- Perhaps he fears that a compliment implies expectations so high that he feels inhibited in his abilities, and he doesn't want to disappoint those in front of him.
Step 2. Find out about the cultural differences
Does the person you compliment come from another country or culture other than yours? This factor could affect the problem.
- In some cultures, compliments are not welcome because they are seen as a childish way of treating people.
- In others, accepting a compliment is tantamount to being arrogant and putting yourself above people, which is unacceptable.
Step 3. Think about gender differences
Have you ever noticed that many women have a hard time accepting a compliment? They go out of their way to convince you that you are wrong or downplay their positives.
- Generally, women are inclined to evade compliments because, unlike men, education teaches them to be humble.
- Also, she is taught that she shouldn't offend people when making comparisons, so she refuses compliments so as not to hurt others' susceptibility.
