It's nice to receive a compliment. Compliments evoke positive feelings that arise the moment a person notices something about you that they think is worthy of praise. Compliments are an essential part of socializing and also very useful tools for starting a conversation. For some people, giving compliments causes discomfort and uncertainty. If you recognize yourself as one of these, start with Step 1 to learn how to give appropriate compliments.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Complimenting Properly
Step 1. Be honest
When you give compliments that you don't really mean, people almost always notice. If you are serious about what you say, then he will believe you and feel good.
- Try to make eye contact when complimenting people. This helps show that you are sincere.
- Being specific in a compliment will make it sound more genuine. For example, saying "That sweater looks so good on you" doesn't sound as good as "Your eyes light up when you wear that color."
Step 2. Be respectful
Make sure you don't say anything offensive, even if "it's a compliment to you." If the compliment is based on race or physical appearance, you are venturing into dangerous territory. If there is some sort of qualification in your compliment (eg "You're okay with") then you'd better keep it to yourself.
For example, telling a woman that she is very pretty when she has makeup on (implies that she is not natural). Another example would be racist or discriminating compliments, such as saying "He's smart to be a blonde" or "He's smart to be a black"
Step 3. Timing is of the essence
There are compliments that are inappropriate in certain situations. Think carefully about the context and your surroundings before paying someone a compliment.
- For example, complimenting a colleague's appearance immediately after a presentation diminishes her and demeans all the work she has done.
- If you compliment someone who has done something very well, like a meal or a comprehensive presentation, do it right away, in front of everyone. Having witnesses validates the compliment and gives the recipient a feeling of respect.
Step 4. Don't focus on yourself
Don't turn someone's compliment into a conversation about yourself. This makes you appear self-centered, and gives the impression that you are looking for compliments or trying to strike up a conversation about yourself.
For example, don't say things like "You did a really good job last week. I couldn't have done it, I'm totally denied!"
Part 2 of 3: Finding Things to Compliment
Step 1. Be spontaneous
The best way to make sure you sound sincere when giving a compliment is to voice a positive thought the moment it crosses your mind. In practice: be spontaneous! If you want to say something nice, just say it, don't plan it.
Step 2. Focus on things you can control
When giving a compliment, it's best to focus on things that are under the recipient's control (personality, successes, etc.). This will help him increase his confidence with your positive feedback, instead of worrying that he might lose something that others find valuable.
For example: "I love the way you relate to children! You are so patient |" or "You did a great job with that poster, I can't stop looking at it!"
Step 3. Center the compliment on the recipient
You want to compliment a person, not an inanimate object. For example, "You look beautiful in that sweater!" Is better than "I like the way that sweater fits on you." If you really want to make a person feel good, you might say, "You make that sweater beautiful."
Step 4. Look for things that are of value to the recipient
If you want to compliment someone, try to find something that has value for the person in question. Think back to your relationship and the things you talked about, or think about it in the future.
For example, if you notice that your girlfriend looks sadly at another girl's clothes and says she would like to be able to dress like her, tell her how much you love her style and that you didn't even notice the other girl
Step 5. Look for things he really desires
Another indicator you may notice is the things someone is struggling for. If he's trying to lose weight, compliment him on his determination and hard work (but not weight loss). If he's working hard on a job report, appreciate the quality of it.
Part 3 of 3: Specific Situations
Step 1. Congratulations to strangers
- Avoid overly confidential compliments, such as those on sexual characteristics.
- Appreciate things they are obviously proud of, like a nice coat, a neat car, or a handmade accessory.
- Appreciate their actions or something you witnessed, for example after seeing them being very nice to a cashier. This will eliminate the "creepy" factor.
- Example: "Thank you for being so kind to that man. It is difficult to be patient in certain situations. I am struck by how you handled everything.".
Step 2. Congratulations on a romantic interest
- Don't give compliments expecting something in return. Just because you're nice to someone doesn't mean they owe you anything. You don't even have to be flattered by the compliment.
- Appreciate it with your actions. In love, doing something nice is almost always more effective than saying something nice.
- Sometimes, just telling him how attractive he is to you is enough. Especially if you are already dating.
- Example: "I love your smile. It lights up the whole room."
Step 3. Congratulations to a colleague
- Be appropriate. Strange compliments at work can cause trouble. Use the grandmother's test: If you wouldn't tell your grandmother, don't tell your co-worker.
- Go with compliments on his work. Helps avoid embarrassing moments.
- Compliment them to the boss or in front of him. This shows not only that you are sincere, but that you think it is worth letting it be known to the upper floors as well.
- Example: "Hey, Mr. Rossi, did you see how Sally handled that customer? He would have been proud of it. The best customer service I've ever seen."
