Were you shocked and horrified because your partner just came home with a new tattoo or because, despite having informed him that you don't like them, he decided to get one anyway? Regardless of the circumstances, even if you don't appreciate them, your partner now has one. The best way to deal with the situation is to communicate to the other what you feel, find out what are the reasons that prompted him to get one and accept it. Also remember that a relationship is based on the emotional bond, not on the aesthetic aspect: even if the latter is slightly altered with a tattoo, what we feel for the other person should remain unchanged.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Find Out Why Your Partner Decided to Get a Tattoo
Step 1. Ask him what the meaning of the tattoo is
For many people there may be a particular meaning or symbolic value. Ask him what it represents - it could help you understand and accept it better.
- A tattoo with a name, initials or a date could represent for example the death of a family member or close friend.
- It could also symbolize a hobby or a passion: for example, a tree could represent the passion for life in the open air.
- Some tattoos can act as “motivators”, which is to say they represent something to turn to for inspiration in difficult times.
Step 2. Try to understand what prompted him to get a tattoo
Some events - such as an important birthday, a new job, the achievement of a degree or the birth of a child - could be an excellent motivation. In this case, the tattoo would have the purpose of commemorating the event in question. You may be more inclined to accept it despite disliking it, if you knew it was inspired by a special event.
Step 3. Listen to it
While your partner explains the origin of the tattoo to you, it is important that you listen carefully: you will show that you are interested in what he says and that you want to know more about it. It will also help you have a constructive conversation rather than a heated discussion.
- Engage in the conversation by making eye contact and nodding occasionally to show that you are listening.
- Ask questions to show that you are engaged in the conversation.
Step 4. Accept that there may not be a “valid” reason
Your partner may not have (in your opinion) a "good" reason for getting the tattoo, but they may think their reason is more than valid; so you may continue to disagree even after receiving the expected explanation. In this case, try to accept the fact that perhaps your partner only wanted to get a tattoo and that he is interested in body art: it is important to respect the other's decisions regarding his own physical appearance.
Remember that a tattoo can slightly change the physical appearance, but not the bond that exists between you
Method 2 of 3: Communicating Your Feelings
Step 1. Explain your concerns to him before he gets a tattoo
In case your partner has been thinking about it for some time, you should explain to him in advance why you don't like tattoos. For example, it may be that they represent an element for you that can bring back unpleasant memories and experiences, or you may find them unattractive and frivolous. Once you have explained your reasons, the other may also change his mind.
Remember that your partner has the right to decide on their physical appearance, so avoid using your worries as a weapon to force them not to get a tattoo. You can share your fears, but try to be respectful of their wishes
Step 2. Share your feelings after the event
In case your partner comes home with a tattoo they haven't told you about, you should let them know how you feel. However, make sure you are respectful and remember that the other has the right to do what he wants with his body. For example, you could tell him that you would have preferred to know in advance, to have a chance to talk about it together and come to a compromise. This way you will free yourself from your emotions and you can come to a clarification.
In case your partner has got a tattoo of your name or an image of you, this is certainly a nice gesture towards you - you shouldn't criticize him too openly as he is probably trying to prove his. commitment and their feelings towards you
Step 3. Use a calm and gentle tone
While discussing it with him, don't shout or use an aggressive tone, but rather try to approach the conversation quietly and calmly. This way you will not attack him but instead try to come to a clarification. Take a deep breath before you start speaking.
You might even think about taking some time to let off some steam before discussing the subject with your partner
Step 4. Ask him to make you more involved in the future
You may be angry because you have not been informed in advance and you have the impression that the other does not take your opinion into consideration. Explain that you felt ignored and felt like you were disrespectful. If your partner realizes that your negative reaction stems from feeling hurt, they may be able to better understand your position and ask you the next time they need to make an important decision about their physical appearance.
Method 3 of 3: Accepting the Partner's Tattoo
Step 1. Understand that this is not your decision
Once you have spoken openly and honestly about the matter, you must respect the fact that it is not about your body and a decision you can make. Although you may not like the tattoo, if you want to maintain the relationship it is better to accept the fact that you cannot have any control over what the other does with your body.
You can always offer your opinion, but the final decision rests with your partner
Step 2. Determine if the tattoo is a valid reason to break up
You may decide that you can't stand tattoos to such an extent that you can no longer accept your relationship. For example, if your partner has got a tattoo that you think is offensive, you may decide that you can't be together anymore. Try asking yourself some of these questions to determine how you feel about the person in question:
- Ask yourself what attracted you to him initially and if you still feel the attraction or if it has decreased due to the tattoo.
- Ask yourself what the root cause of your tattoo concerns is.
- Ask yourself what emotions you associate with this event and why you feel them: are they actually connected to the tattoos themselves or rather to the fact that the other has made a decision without consulting you?
- Ask yourself if the cause of what you are feeling can be controlled or managed by means of acceptance strategies or if it must be addressed with the help of a professional therapist or, finally, if you can solve the problem on your own.
Step 3. Look for the positives in the tattoo
You may be able to accept this more easily if you can find something you like about it. For example, it might be small and not so obvious that it prevents you from living with it, or it might be somewhere inconspicuous and mostly hidden by clothes. Try to find some positive aspects that will help you accept it.
Chances are you'll get used to it over time
Advice
- It is always best to talk to your partner before getting a tattoo - this way you can have an open and honest conversation before that happens.
- If you really don't like the tattoo, you can always ask the other to have it removed.
