Do you have a hard time accepting yourself when you're wrong? Do you struggle to learn from your mistakes and keep falling into the same old habits? It can be difficult to admit that you have made mistakes, especially if we have received such a rigorous education that it leads us to confuse the concept of "accuracy" with the idea that "you must not go wrong". However, it is one thing to make a mistake, another to fail: failure depends on the inability to use one's efforts consciously, while an error can arise unconsciously. Fortunately, you can take some steps and practice certain techniques to learn to accept your mistakes and make the best of them.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Accepting Your Mistakes
Step 1. Give yourself the opportunity to be wrong
There are many reasons why you should tolerate such an eventuality. Mistakes are inevitable and part of human nature. They are also a source of valuable teaching and enrich life. They can teach you to experiment with new things and broaden your horizons.
- For example, suppose you have decided to learn how to cook. As you begin, say to yourself, "This is a new experience for me and I will probably make mistakes. Not a problem. They are part of the learning process."
- Sometimes, the fear of making a mistake - perfectionism - can keep you from trying new things or completing the plans you've set out because you're so afraid of making a mistake that you can't take action. Don't let that happen.
Step 2. Recognize the strength of habit
Sometimes, mistakes don't happen in trying to do something, but because you don't try hard enough. It is not possible to give the best of oneself in all aspects of everyday life. Daily gestures, such as driving to work or having breakfast, can become rather deep-rooted habits, which at some point we no longer pay attention to. In fact, they aren't that harmful because they give us the ability to focus on things that require more attention. However, the force of habit can lead us to make mistakes. Recognize that it is part of human nature to have limited energy and attention.
- For example, suppose you have to drive to work five days a week. During the weekend you have to use the car to take your child to football school, but you find that you behave automatically and you drive as if you were going to the office. It is an almost instinctive mistake, the result of habit. In this case, there is no point in reproaching you. Rather, acknowledge this inattention and go further.
- According to some studies, it is possible to compensate for inaccuracies made automatically even when you are not fully aware of them. Research conducted on some typists suggests that after a typo you tend to write slower, even if you don't realize you have.
- According to other studies, 47% of the time people go "freewheeling", that is, they allow themselves the opportunity to distract themselves from the activities in which they are intent. These are the moments in which it can happen to make mistakes. If you find yourself making careless mistakes, consider practicing some awareness raising exercises to bring your attention back to what you are doing.
Step 3. Distinguish between a manifest error and an error of omission
Mistakes are not always the result of our actions. Sometimes, they can also be committed by inaction. Generally, in jurisprudence a distinction is made between manifest error (doing something that should not have been done) and error of omission (not acting when it should have been done). Between the two, the first is considered more serious. Typically, omissions are more common than blatant ones.
- However, errors of omission can affect life. For example, if your business doesn't renew itself based on the latest technological developments, it could harm your financial future.
- It is important to recognize these two types of mistakes, because you can learn from both. Some people try to avoid obvious mistakes by refraining from making commitments and responsibilities as much as possible, but such behavior does not prevent them from making mistakes of omission nor is it so useful for learning to live and grow.
Step 4. Distinguish between a mistake and a bad decision
It is important to know the difference between mistakes and bad decisions. The former are simple misunderstandings, such as misreading a map and taking the wrong exit. The latter relate more to the intention of the individual who takes them, such as choosing an evocative route to go to a meeting, also forcing other people to be late. Mistakes are understandable and can be corrected more easily. On the other hand, wrong decisions must be accepted as much as mistakes, but it is better to pay more attention to them.
Step 5. Focus on your strengths too
It is important not to be disheartened when you are wrong. So, you have to find a balance between self-criticism and enthusiasm for your own successes. You might compliment yourself on something you are good at or are improving at. There is no point in trying to perfect yourself if you fail to appreciate the results of your efforts.
For example, suppose you are an amateur in the kitchen, but have a lightning-fast intuition. Maybe you can understand that you need to add a certain spice to a recipe simply by tasting it. Believe in your strengths
Step 6. See mistakes as an opportunity
The brain sets in motion mechanisms that allow us to know when we are making a mistake: therefore, it is the brain itself that signals it to us. This can be useful as we learn something. Mistakes can lead us to pay more attention to what we are doing, encouraging us to do our best.
Research has shown that relying too much on personal judgment - as happens to some professionals, such as doctors - can compromise the ability to correct one's mistakes. Therefore, it is advisable to have an attitude of openness to the risk of making mistakes and to consider mistakes as an opportunity, even when a certain mastery has been acquired in an area
Step 7. See how long it takes to improve your skills
Some studies suggest that it takes ten years to become proficient in something, and that to get really good you have to make a mistake. It applies to everyone from Mozart to basketball player Kobe Bryant. So, be forgiving of yourself if you don't get satisfying results at first, because that's normal. In order to achieve a certain preparation, it is necessary to exert enormous efforts over a long period of time.
Step 8. Re-formulate your decisions in the form of experiments
Part of the problem of not allowing yourself the chance to make mistakes is that you always feel compelled to make the best decision. So instead of setting unrealistic goals, try to think of your decisions as experiments. An experiment can have good or bad results. Of course, you can always do your best to improve, but to do that you will need to take the pressure off.
To take up the example of cooking, follow the recipes with an experimental approach. Don't expect your dishes to be perfect. Rather, you see such an experience as an opportunity to challenge yourself and delve into this art. It will help you not to make judgments that you may be wrong, which will happen sooner or later
Step 9. Find out how the brain handles mistakes
The brain is made up of special nerve cells that allow us to observe our actions, spot mistakes and learn a lesson from them. At the same time, however, he finds it difficult to accept mistakes. However, he manages to restructure an experience into something positive, so as not to feel forced to admit that he has made a mistake. This is probably why you have a hard time recognizing and accepting your mistakes. Therefore, by identifying how the brain handles them, you will be able to become more aware of your experiences.
The brain essentially reacts in two ways when it makes a mistake: it tries to solve problems ("Why did this happen? How can I behave so that it doesn't happen again?") Or it quits ("I will ignore this mistake"). Obviously, the former allows us to learn from mistakes and correct them in the future. Usually, it is found in people who believe in the elasticity of intelligence and in the fact that everyone is able to improve. The second is often found in individuals convinced that intelligence is "immutable": either you are capable or you are incapable, full stop. This way of thinking inhibits learning and growth
Step 10. Understand how society sees mistakes
We live in a society where there is the fear of making mistakes. We grew up to be encouraged to make as few mistakes as possible. The people who can move forward are the ones who take this seriously. If you do well in high school, you get a college scholarship. If you do well in college, you graduate with 110 cum laude. There is little room to put a foot wrong. So, if at first you find it difficult to accept your mistakes, be more indulgent with yourself, because you are not totally responsible for this attitude. They probably taught you to be hard on yourself.
- Remember that the idea of never making mistakes is wrong. Mistakes are the only way to learn: if you don't make any, it's because you already know something from various points of view. If you want to learn and grow, know that they are part of the learning process.
- Don't forget that perfectionism limits your movements to unreasonable criteria. A mistake does not amount to mere "failure" nor does it invalidate your efforts. Be less strict with yourself so as not to preclude yourself from making a mistake - it is a more useful and effective way to be able to excel.
Part 2 of 2: Learning from Mistakes
Step 1. Correct your mistakes
Mistakes can allow you to learn, but only if you make sure you correct them. For example, if you use the wrong ingredient in the kitchen, ask your mother or someone with more expertise about the correct way to use it, so you won't forget.
Step 2. Keep a journal to record mistakes and successes
It can be helpful to note when, where and how you make a mistake. In this way you will acquire a greater awareness of your mental patterns, which you probably cannot notice hot. Always carry a small notebook in your pocket and, whenever you happen to make a mistake, make a note. Go through what you wrote later, when you have the time, and consider how else you could have done it.
- For example, if you are trying a new recipe without getting satisfactory results, take note of the steps where you are probably wrong. In the evening, think and see if you can prepare the dish differently.
- You should also keep track of your successes. If you can track your progress over time and congratulate yourself on your skill, you will be more motivated to learn, despite the mistakes you make. It won't do you any good to have a completely negative view.
Step 3. Focus on goals that make you improve rather than ones that force you to excel
The latter impose unrealistic expectations on you, especially at the beginning. If you set a goal that forces you to excel, you will have to up the ante and tell yourself that you have to win to be good. Conversely, goals that push you to improve focus on progress, but don't require you to get to too high a skill level to feel good about yourself. You will only aspire to improve, not to be perfect.
For example, focus on improving if you want to learn how various types of spices change the flavor of dishes instead of forcing yourself to excel in the art of cooking to become a valued chef
Step 4. Commit with all your will
Time isn't the only ingredient needed to learn from your mistakes. It will also be of great benefit to you to move forward with a specific purpose in mind. Therefore, it is important to identify the mistakes and the reasons that lead to them. By gaining this awareness, you can establish a plan to practice and improve your skills.
For example, if you are trying to perfect the preparation of a dish, do not stop trying until you have found the optimal cooking times. It will probably take a while to get the texture you want, but the more you practice, the more experienced you will be
Step 5. Get help
Don't be embarrassed when you ask for a hand in something you are inexperienced with. By putting your ego aside and learning from those who are more experienced than you, you can improve, especially if you find yourself in an impasse and don't know how to move forward.
For example, talk to the chef at your favorite restaurant or an experienced family chef if you have difficulty with basic cooking skills
Step 6. Believe in your abilities
According to research, people who believe they can learn from mistakes are actually more likely to learn when they make mistakes. Knowing that there is the possibility of learning something from your mistakes is an excellent step to apply what you have learned in reality.
After a mistake - for example, you burned a plate - say to yourself: "I can learn from this experience and put it to good use. Now I'll keep in mind that the oven temperature was too high."
Step 7. Realize that knowing the reasons for a mistake is not the same as making excuses
We have been taught that we must not justify ourselves when we make mistakes, but identifying the reasons behind an error does not mean, in fact, justifying ourselves. If a dish does not go well, it is advisable to admit that you have miscalculated something: perhaps you have not strictly followed the recipe or you have put salt instead of sugar. This is a reason, not an excuse. By analyzing the reasons that led you to fail, you can improve in the future, because you will understand what went wrong. Here are other reasons to consider:
- Arriving late because you didn't get up early.
- Receiving a reprimand for ruining a project due to not asking for clarification.
- Do not pass an exam because you did not study well or did not prioritize studying.
Step 8. Give yourself some time
Sometimes a single mistake is enough to draw a lesson. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Many times, to learn from a mistake, we have to repeat it over and over again. It can be difficult to realize this at first, so before you get nervous, give yourself some leeway that allows you to make the same mistake a couple of times.
