Composing a eulogy for your dad can be truly heartbreaking. It's such a personal thing that it's normal to feel sad and nervous, so first pay attention to yourself and your feelings. Start by gathering ideas. Think about the most precious memories you have of your father and try to figure out how to fit them into the eulogy. With that done, you can start writing. Pour on the paper what your father meant to you. Explain how grateful you are that you had it in your life. Once you're done writing, do some rehearsal. Speaking in front of an audience is never easy, much less in a situation with such a strong emotional impact.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Prepare for Praise
Step 1. Remember this is a eulogy, not an obituary
The latter focuses on what happened in the life of the person in question, illustrating their career, successes, family, place of birth, etc. Praise must instead look at the essence of the person, not at the facts of his life.
- Obituaries are fact-based, so they are less emotionally intense. The eulogy focuses on what the person has represented for others. What did it mean to you?
- So avoid making long lists of your father's accomplishments and instead focus on stories and memories that highlight what kind of person he was.
Step 2. Collect ideas
Before starting to write, it might be helpful to think and gather ideas, especially if you don't know where to start. Write down the memories and stories that come to your mind and describe your father's character.
- First, write as much as possible about your father. What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about him? The clearest memory? What words arise spontaneously if you think of him?
- You can also think about the things you associate with your dad, like songs, movies, foods, smells, and sounds that remind you of him. By immersing yourself in these things, you may be able to surface precious memories that will help you in writing the eulogy.
Step 3. The praise should convey an overall theme and be concise
It is best to avoid a collection of memories without rhyme or reason. When you initially collect ideas, try to guess what the common thread might be. Look for a central concept or message that connects the various memories.
- You don't need to say profound things or try to make sense of death, it's normal for it to be terrible and incomprehensible. What you can do, however, is try to express the meaning of your father's life. Who was he, what will the world be like without him?
- Vague concepts are also fine as a general theme. For example, if your father was a civil rights attorney, you can focus on the concepts of generosity, civic awareness, and community. If, on the other hand, he was an entrepreneur who built his own success on his own, you can talk about tenacity and commitment.
- You can also talk about what your father taught you. What is the biggest lesson you have learned from him? How do you live your life today based on his lessons?
Step 4. Establish the structure of the praise
You can organize the eulogy in a number of ways, depending on the topic and the information to include. Before the initial draft, decide how to structure the eulogy.
- For example, you can follow the chronological order. This means that you also have to include anecdotes about your father as a young man. If you find that the stories and memories you have collected come from different times in his life, consider using chronological order.
- You can structure praise based on concepts. If you talk about various characteristics of your father, exemplified by different memories and times, it may be advisable to organize the eulogy based on concepts. For example, if you focus on your father's professional successes, you can devote one part to his motivation, one to his professional ethics, and one to his personal skills, adding appropriate memories and anecdotes to each.
Part 2 of 3: Writing the Praise
Step 1. Introduce yourself
You may feel awkward, as many in attendance already know you, but the praise usually begins with a short introduction telling everyone who you are and how related you were to the deceased.
- This part shouldn't cause you any problems. Just say who you are and what a nice relationship you had with your father. You will gain credibility.
- Here is an example of presentation: "I'm Matteo Leoni and I would like to say a few words about my father, Antonio. I was his only son, so we had a very close relationship. Even after I left home we talked every day."
Step 2. Determine which tone to use
The tone you use is very important and it is advisable to use the same tone throughout the speech. Try to figure out which one is best suited to express what you want to communicate.
- To choose the right tone, you may need to consult with your family or the undertaker. The tone you use should, in fact, be appropriate to the atmosphere of the function. If it is a religious ceremony, a sober and respectful tone will probably be indicated.
- However, don't take this advice too literally. The tone you use must also, and above all, reflect your father's personality. If he was a jovial person, always ready for a joke, you can opt for a more joking tone. The words you speak must be a celebration of life, not a painful act.
Step 3. Tell a story
Usually in eulogies at least one story is told about the deceased. Starting with a story is helpful in engaging the audience. The story you choose must represent well who your father was and be in tune with the rest of the praise.
- Let's take the example of a eulogy that talks about how your father always managed to find a way to have a laugh, even though life reserved difficult moments for him. It will be appropriate to choose an anecdote that exemplifies this merit of his, therefore a moment in which he reacted lightly to difficult circumstances.
- For example, let's say your father died of cancer. In this case you can say that despite the diagnosis he has not lost his sense of humor. You can then include an anecdote like this in your speech: "When he learned he had cancer, he even joked about possible treatments. I remember he told me he was optimistic about chemotherapy: he hoped to become a superhero as a side effect. radiation!"
Step 4. Focus on the details
In addition to giving a general sense of what your father looked like, make an effort to communicate a few small details. Doing so will give substance to the speech and provide your listener with small practical memories to hold on to during the bereavement phase.
- Get help from details that relate to the five senses. If your dad was gardening, you can describe the earthy smell he wore on him. If she loved red, you can describe how she always wore an accessory of that color.
- Put as much detail into the anecdotes as possible. An example: "I remember that my father liked Battisti so much and always sang his songs. Unfortunately he had a deep voice and cue on all the high notes! But I will always cherish the memory of Sunday mornings, with the smell of coffee and his voice that sang Thoughts and Words."
Step 5. Use external sources
If you get stuck and can't express yourself, use outside sources. You can talk about your dad using a quote or a reference.
- If your father was a believer, you can quote the Bible or another religious text. In fact, they contain many teachings on life and death.
- You can also cite your dad's favorite books, movies, songs, and shows. If he loved Leopardi, for example, you can insert a part of one of his poems in the eulogy.
Step 6. Try to make sure there is a few moments of lightness
Praise shouldn't be extremely serious, or you run the risk of becoming too sentimental or rigid. Find times when you can get a smile from your listener, such as gently joking about your father's flaws. In addition, by doing so, you will also be giving a more complete portrait of him.
- Think of something funny you can say about your dad. Did he never give up in an argument? In this regard, you can tell an anecdote of this kind. "It must be said, however, that Dad had his faults. He liked to criticize everyone and never admitted he was wrong. Once we were on vacation and we stopped in a restaurant …"
- Be careful though! When you talk about his flaws, do it lightly. The last thing you want is to look angry or disrespectful. It's definitely a bad idea to talk about a serious, protracted argument just to prove he wasn't admitting he was wrong. Instead of getting a laugh, you will embarrass everyone. So focus on minor situations.
Step 7. Come to conclusions
You are almost at the end of the eulogy by now and it is time to enclose the concepts you want to express in a few effective sentences. In short, get to the heart of the question: what do you want to express with your praise? What do you want others to remember about your father?
- We need some final thoughts that sum up who your father was and what he represented. It's time to express what you want to say directly. Here is an example of a conclusion: "From my father I learned that life can be short and unfair and the best way to deal with it is to have a laugh and enjoy the happy moments, despite everything."
- Remember to thank the audience. Just a short thank you, for example "I really appreciate that you came to remember my father Antonio. Thank you for letting me tell you a little about him. I know he would have been very pleased to see how many people cared about him."
Part 3 of 3: Completing and Reciting the Praise
Step 1. Edit the eulogy and add other information as needed
Once you've written a draft, print a copy and read it. As you do this, pay attention to times when it may help to add something or go into more detail.
- Think carefully about the meaning of your speech. Did the stories you exposed help understand the underlying concepts? Do you think something is missing? Is there any anecdote you should have included or an aspect of your father's personality that could have been covered further? Do you find something that looks out of place?
- Add anything you want to praise. If you think you need to add something, do it. You can also remove parts that you don't think are necessary or in theme. But keep an eye on the clock: on average a eulogy lasts 5-7 minutes.
Step 2. Memorize part of the praise
Memorizing a portion of it can help you finish it more naturally. You don't need to learn it all. On the other hand, it can be useful to have notes with you, in case the emotion or nervousness makes you stop.
- If you prefer to memorize the whole speech, it is best to do it one piece at a time. Trying to memorize everything together can be a huge undertaking.
- Jot down notes to remind you how to continue. They will help you get back on track if you lose it.
Step 3. Review the eulogy
It is advisable to review it several times in the days before the funeral. Read it aloud or even by looking in the mirror. Particularly focus on the moments when you encounter the most difficulties.
You can ask a friend or relative to listen to you. They can give you tips on how to improve exposure
Step 4. Brace yourself
Writing a eulogy has a strong emotional impact, especially if it is about someone as important as your dad. So try to stay strong while you prepare it.
- Get help from others. In difficult times, during mourning, it is important to lean on friends and family.
- Commit to redefining your sense of identity. Losing a parent can make you feel like you've lost guidance. Now, though, it's time to think about who you are without your father and how to move forward.
- Remember to live in the present, because this is where your life takes place. Try to be grateful for what you have, appreciate life every day and live it to the fullest despite the pain.
Advice
- Look into the eyes of those present during the eulogy. This will make contact with the audience, which is more difficult to achieve if you keep your eyes glued to the paper.
- The eulogy should last between 5 and 10 minutes. Length doesn't really matter, but it may be difficult for you to talk about your dad for more than 10 minutes.
