The death of a father is usually one of the saddest events a person will ever face in life. Your father may have been your best friend, an irreplaceable support, the person who always made you laugh. You may have been in a difficult relationship, but you still feel very upset about his passing. You will likely need time to grieve, which means it will take you a while to process before you get better. Leaning on others and engaging in some routine can help you kickstart the healing process. While you will never completely get over the loss, remember that happiness is around the corner. Your father will live forever in your heart.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Coping with Mourning
Step 1. Ask adults for answers
Your father's death may have left you with a lot of confusion or unanswered questions. Although your mother or other relatives are trying to protect you, it is understandable that you want to know the truth. Talk to your family and ask what you would like to know.
- You might say, "Hey Aunt Laura, I know everyone says Dad died in a car accident, but nobody wants to explain what happened. I have a lot of questions. Can you help me?"
- The better you know the situation, the easier it will be for you to deal with it. Don't be afraid to ask questions you want or feel you need to answer.
Step 2. Cry if you need it
During this difficult time, allow yourself to spend some time each day simply being sad. Crying can help you experience grief by bringing out your emotions. Don't be ashamed to show how you feel, even if you happen to cry in front of other people. They will understand.
Sometimes, it can happen that you feel drained of all emotions or completely in shock, and that's okay too. If you can't cry, don't force yourself. Take some time to be alone with your thoughts
Step 3. Spend time remembering
Take some time to reflect on the memories you have of your father. Pull out some photo albums and remember what it was like. This will probably make you feel sad and is normal; you will also feel a lot of happiness as you think back to the happy moments spent together.
- Think especially about the moments you spent alone with your father. Those memories are special because they are yours alone.
- If you have painful or difficult memories of your father, try not to feel guilty. It is common for some people to feel anger during bereavement.
Step 4. Talk to your siblings if you have any
While it is helpful to talk to adults during this time, sometimes conversations with your peers can be more helpful. If your father had other children, talk to them, especially if they are around your age. They will be able to understand your pain better than anyone else because he was their father too.
Step 5. Write down what you feel
Writing can help you release the repressed feelings you may be experiencing. At the end of each day or when you are going through a particularly difficult time, put your feelings on paper. Sometimes getting your thoughts out can be what you need to feel better.
For example, you could write, "I had a breakdown because I was shopping and saw some fishing gear and Dad always loved fishing. I wish I could go fishing with him again."
Step 6. Express your emotions in creative ways
Maybe you don't really want to talk about your dad right now, or you feel more angry than sad. You can find other ways to let your emotions out, for example by deciding to draw, paint, listen to music or rearrange your room. Do what you feel like doing.
Try drawing or coloring the memories you have of your father. You could choose to create images that would be meaningful to him. For example, if he loved fishing, you could draw a lake
Step 7. Choose some of his items you want to keep
There are probably some really important things your father owned that you would like to keep. Having some of these things can help you feel close to him and keep his memory alive.
For example, you might want to keep a ring he always wore, one of his ties, or a book he read to you when you were little
Step 8. Ask for a break from school if you think you need it
If you are still in elementary school, you may find that it will be difficult to focus on studying while you are grieving. Ask your mother or guardian if you can be away from school for about a week. Even if you still have to deal with your father's death, some of the shock will be gone.
- You can say, “Mom, I know school starts again on Monday, but I don't feel ready. I am still very sad and afraid of breaking down in class. Can I stay at home for a few days? ".
- When you need to go back to school, take it one day at a time. Tell your teachers what happened and take notes so you can stay focused.
Step 9. Find ways to honor your father on important days
After your father's death, his birthday, Father's Day or other important holidays could be really difficult times for you. Instead of dreading these days, do something to celebrate his memory: organize a family dinner where you can share stories about how hilarious he was; you can also indulge in something he has always enjoyed doing, such as playing baseball or volunteering.
- Try not to be alone on those days, as they could be really difficult.
- Big holidays can be really hard times to go through, but you try. Actively remembering your dad these days will help speed up the healing process, not slow it down.
Step 10. Remember it's not your fault
Sometimes, when you lose someone, you can feel guilty. You may be thinking, "If I had done better with my father, maybe he would still be here." Remember that you could not have done anything to prevent what happened and that it is not your fault! It's normal to wish your father was still alive, but don't punish yourself for things you haven't done or can't change.
If you had a fight with your father during his final days, remember that he would have forgiven you. Try not to blame yourself
Method 2 of 3: Seek Help
Step 1. Talk to people you trust
Try not to isolate yourself during this time. Talking about your father's death can really help you move forward. Find people you feel you can confide in and put them on speed dials for particularly bad days. You may choose to speak to your mother, grandfather, brother, school counselor, or friend.
- For example, you could call a friend who lost her mother some time ago. You can say, “Hi, I know you lost your mother a few years ago. I guess I always knew that my father would die one day, but it happened so suddenly … I couldn't say goodbye and I'm going through a difficult period ".
- If you try to talk to someone whose parent has recently died, keep in mind that they may not be ready to address the topic yet.
Step 2. Spend time with friends and family
While it's essential to spend time alone, don't take the risk of isolating yourself. Try not to be alone for more than three hours a day. Instead, spend time with family and friends, especially those who were closest to your dad. You can help each other overcome grief.
If you need to spend some time alone, that's fine. But try to balance it with time spent with other people. This way you will be able to recover without isolating yourself from loved ones
Step 3. Ask your family to tell you stories about your father
Even if you and your dad were very close, there are probably a lot of interesting stories you don't know. Take some time to find out some things you didn't know from people who knew him before you were born.
For example, his siblings might have funny or interesting stories about him
Step 4. Accept and ask for help when you need it
If your friends contact you, offering assistance to do something, let them help you! This is a tough time for anyone, so if you feel like you need a little help, that's okay. That's what friends and family are for!
- For example, if you are hungry and your friends offer to bring you lunch, accept it! You can return the favor another day when they need it.
- Also, if you need help, just ask! You can say: "Hi Sara, would you mind coming to study with me for the math exam? I have been struggling to concentrate since my father died and I would need some help".
Step 5. Find a support group in your area
Support groups offer you space to share your feelings and to learn through the experience of others. During this time, it can be helpful to be with people who know exactly how you feel, so seek out support groups near you.
- For example, you could search online for "bereavement support groups" or "support groups for the loss of a parent" to see if there are any results in your area.
- If you can't find any support groups around you, search for one online and chat with other people who are in a similar situation to yours.
Step 6. Get help from a therapist if you think you are depressed
Losing a father can be a heartbreaking event, so it's common to need extra support. If you feel like you have no one to talk to or think you are depressed, get help. There are many therapists who can help you overcome this trauma.
If you are in school, there may be a social worker, guidance counselor, or school psychologist who can help you through this step
Method 3 of 3: Enjoy Life Again
Step 1. Take care of your body
Just like mental and emotional health, physical health is also important. You may have lost your appetite or feel that it is impossible to fall asleep. However, try to eat three meals a day, even small ones. Drink plenty of water so you don't get dehydrated. If you can't sleep, try taking a relaxing bath before bed and don't get caffeine after noon.
Exercise helps a lot too! It increases the production of endorphins which are a natural mood enhancer. Aim to exercise at least three times a week for 30 minutes. You can start small by simply walking around your block
Step 2. Gradually bring the fun back into your life
While you may not feel like doing anything fun right now, plan at least one distraction a day. You can start with something undemanding, like watching a TV show you like or eating ice cream. As time goes by, you will want to do something more, like going to the beach or dancing.
Step 3. Help those in trouble
You've probably needed some help from others lately. As you start to feel better, try to think about returning the favor. Do you have a friend who needs to move? Help him pack. Maybe there is a soup kitchen in your neighborhood where you can help out. Helping others will show you that there is a higher purpose.
Step 4. Don't be in a hurry
Even when you manage to have a good day, it could be followed by two bad ones. You could make a lot of progress and then wake up one night crying hard because you miss your father. Remember that you are not alone and that your feelings are completely normal. Coping with your father's death is a lifelong process that no one will ever get through completely, yet you are doing it in the healthiest way possible, so be proud of yourself.
