After the death of a loved one, perhaps the last thing you would like to do is to deal with social conventions. However, it is important in life to recognize the kindness of others even in the moment of grief. Sending a short and simple thank you note is not only part of the basic rules of etiquette, but it's also a kind way to express your gratitude to the people who have played an important role in your deceased loved one's life.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Collect the Necessary
Step 1. Make a list of people to thank
You could include the person in charge and the staff of the funeral agency, as well as the people who sent a flower gift, who provided lunch or who contributed to the organization of the funeral in some way. Be sure to send a thank you note to the priest who performed the funeral ceremony as well. If someone paid you special attention during the funeral, don't hesitate to include them on your list.
- You must have a notebook and a pen handy to write down each person's name along with how they contributed. You can delegate this task to another family member, but make sure they know the first and last names of each benefactor and what the benefactor has donated or done for the funeral service.
- The people to be included in the list are: the bearers of the coffin, the priests, the bandits, those who have made any type of donation (food, tombstone or flowers) and those who have tangibly helped you in organizing the funeral service (for example by contacting the agency or looking after your children).
- Remember that you shouldn't send a thank-you note to everyone who attended the funeral, but only to those who lent themselves over the odds. Everyone else can be simply thanked verbally during the funeral service.
Step 2. Choose between cards and writing paper
There is a wide selection of thank you card templates. Choose one that has an elegant and understated look. Or, if you prefer, you can buy a cute writing paper and write the thanks yourself. The model, the words and the choice between cards or writing paper is ultimately a matter of personal taste.
In general, you should avoid sending an e-mail or an electronic postcard instead of a handwritten thank you card, as the former may seem impersonal
Step 3. Opt for blank thank you cards so that you have enough space to write
Regardless of the style of the card you choose, look for one that is empty or with a few written inside, so you can write what you want and your words will stand out.
Step 4. Don't complicate your life
While etiquette is important, don't pester yourself over thank you cards - it should be said that what matters is thought. Don't be afraid to send the wrong type of card or to choose a not particularly beautiful writing paper. You are in mourning and thank you cards are simply a way to thank those who stood by you during a difficult time.
Part 2 of 3: Deciding What To Say
Step 1. Speak from the bottom of your heart
Let the other person know how important his presence was for you in your time of need and that it meant a lot to you that he collaborated in some way. There are many ways to express your gratitude and what you write depends on what the person has done for you and your loved ones. You could just write two sentences thanking her for standing by in a moment of deep pain and telling her that it meant a lot to you.
If you are particularly close to the person you are thanking, don't hesitate to include an anecdote or a personal episode from the life of the deceased, if you share one. Customizing thank you cards is always a nice gesture, but don't think it's essential
Step 2. Be specific
In your thank you cards, refer to what the person or group of people you are thanking did after your loved one died. Whether it's a meal, a flower gift, or a donation in her honor, specify what you are thanking for and make it clear that her kindness has been of great help to you.
- Start your thank-you card with a general phrase and then get into the details. For example, a good start might be something like "Thank you for going through the hardest times" or "My family really appreciated your help in this difficult time."
- Then you can specify how it has helped you concretely. After thanking for lunch, for example, you could say something like: "Your initiative was wonderful because you spared me another worry. We really appreciated your gesture." It is essential to thank for the specific contribution.
Step 3. Avoid mentioning the amount of money received
If you are writing a thank you note to someone who has made a donation in memory of your deceased loved one, thank them for their donation, but do not specify the amount of the donation. Just say that you are grateful to him for his generosity in paying homage to your deceased loved one.
A good thank-you formula for a cash donation might be something like, "Thank you for your generosity in our time of pain. Donating in honor of [deceased's name] means a lot to us." In this way you would express your gratitude without mentioning the amount
Step 4. Don't feel obligated to write long, detailed cards
Two or three sentences are enough to express your gratitude. The simple act of taking the time to write individual thank-you notes is enough to express your gratitude - you don't need to dwell on it.
Sign the cards with your name or "Family of [Name of the Deceased]"
Part 3 of 3: Submit Tickets
Step 1. Try to send the tickets within two weeks
The general rules of etiquette suggest sending them within two weeks of the funeral. Your friends and family know you are in pain, so if you take longer, don't worry. Sending a ticket late is always better than not sending it at all.
Step 2. Ask someone else for help if you need it
If the idea of thanking dozens of people following the death of a loved one worries you, don't hesitate to ask for help from those around you. Even if it involves going to the post office to buy stamps or envelopes, delegate the task to a close friend or family member.
Step 3. Remember that thank you cards are not required
After all, you don't have to worry if you can't find the time to dedicate to this task. Although they are an integral part of etiquette, good manners give way to our grief during bereavement. Therefore, if you feel overwhelmed by emotions and can't write them down, don't blame yourself.
