Social media has changed a lot of things about relationships and how they end. It is less easy to severely break up a relationship and simply avoid the ex partner when you are bombarded with images of the other on sites like Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. You may even find yourself peeking into your ex's account to see what he's doing, even though that can be bad for your health and increase the pain you're already feeling from the breakup. However, by limiting your social media visits and distracting yourself with other activities, you can avoid obsessively following your ex partner.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Limit Contact with Social Media
Step 1. Recognize that your behavior is normal, but painful
While you may think that controlling each other on social media is obsessive behavior, know that it is perfectly normal when a relationship ends. You may want to see who he is with and what he is doing, in the hope that he is as miserable as you are. However, this attitude can lead to a vicious cycle of seeking reassurance on social media, but ending up feeling worse than before.
Keep in mind that if you use social networks to find out where your ex is and succeed, you are committing a potentially illegal act of stalking. If you've gotten this far, you may need professional help
Step 2. Block your ex on all sites
The vast world of social media such as Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter and Instagram gives ample access to the lives of others, even that of the people we don't want to see. Completely blocking your ex partner from any social media can be the most extreme remedy, but also the most effective.
- Be prepared to face your ex or friends you have in common, who will ask you why this decision is made; they may feel hurt. Explain to them that the pain you feel is so bad that this is the best choice for you and that you had no intention of hurting anyone.
- Understand that another benefit of blocking the other person is that you often need to re-request the friendship or become a follower again if you change your mind. The embarrassment you feel about having to ask the other person's permission and being able to go back to check on him may be holding you back from doing so.
Step 3. Unfriend or stop following your ex
A less extreme way to avoid the temptation to obsessively follow your ex partner is to unfriend him or stop following him on social networks. This action can help you not access his profiles, limit the information of his private life that you have access to, and relieve your pain.
Be prepared to face the same questions, which you can answer using the same explanation, namely that you need a break. Maybe in the future you will be ready to go back to following your ex partner on social media, but for now you need not know what he is doing
Step 4. Limit your ex's presence in your News Section
If you are afraid that blocking him might hurt him or lead others to question you about it, limit what you can see of the other on social networks. You can simply unfollow their posts or remove notifications related to their activities. Some social networks like Facebook will even suggest that you limit contact with each other on the site when you change your sentimental status.
Step 5. Unfollow posts from friends you have in common
Depending on your network of friends, your ex may appear in their status, location update, and photos on social networks. This could make you sad, especially if you find that the other person has a new partner or is at a party without you. To avoid seeing her name or a photo of her, consider unfollowing your mutual friends' posts.
- Pretend you missed something if you don't want the person in question to know that you are no longer following him on social networks. If a news item is mentioned, simply say that it must have escaped you or that you just took a quick look at it because you were working.
- Consider being honest with your mutual friends. You could tell them that you are sorry, but that it is too painful for you to see your ex partner in their posts. Let him know that you care about your friendship, but would rather be updated on the latest news in another way for now.
Step 6. Practice self-control
You may be tempted to browse social media from time to time to find information about your ex partner. An innocent search or a glance at the news could lead you to spend a sleepless night wondering if the person who "like" her latest profile picture is a family member or a new flame. By reminding yourself that it is best to avoid frequenting each other's social media and their presence on the internet in general, you will facilitate the termination of the relationship. A little self-control in this regard can help you better control yourself and your emotions.
Step 7. Remove each other's contact information from your devices
Many smartphones, tablets, and other devices link phone numbers to a person's presence on social media. You can avoid following your ex partner by removing information about him from your devices: this way you will avoid looking for him in moments of weakness and at the same time eliminate a constant reminder of his presence.
Write the other person's contact information on a piece of paper to keep in a safe place in case you need to contact them. In this way you will not have a constant memory of the other always under your eyes and you will avoid the temptation of wanting to search for him on social media
Part 2 of 2: Distract yourself from your Ex Partner
Step 1. Remember why you broke up
If you find yourself desperately wanting to search for each other on social networks, grab a paper and write a list of reasons why your relationship didn't work out. It can help you avoid rushing to conclusions and avoid a bad relationship.
Step 2. Avoid naming him
Relationships can be intense and the partner can play an important role in our life, so it is natural to mention them from time to time during the relationship and it can be tempting to do so even once the relationship is over. However, this way you may remember the other person and want to find out what they are doing - knowingly avoiding talking about the other person can distract you from thinking about it.
- Remember that it's normal to mention your ex partner sometimes, especially if it's about remembering a good time; avoiding mentioning it entirely with friends can be embarrassing for others. If you need to refer to this person to be able to process your emotions, do so, but don't let it become a habit.
- Ask your friends to avoid naming each other in your presence, otherwise it may come back to you and you may be tempted to find out more details on social media. There may be some situations, especially with mutual friends, where the other person is named or discussed: if this happens, leave the conversation and wait for the subject to change.
Step 3. Trust your support network
You may not feel very well after the breakup, but this could also be a great opportunity to rely on your family and friends and reconnect with them. They can help distract you and provide you with the support you need, if only to get away from electronic devices so that you don't obsessively follow your ex partner.
Be honest with your support network about your feelings. You can also let them know that you searched for the other person on social networks, so they can offer you listening and advice or remind you that talking about them could hurt you. Plus, you can do activities together that help distract you from your emotions and use of social media
Step 4. Enjoy time for yourself
It can take a long time to get over the breakup of a relationship, but focusing on yourself can help divert attention from the other. Do some activities that you couldn't do with the person in question - they can help you understand that you don't care about what they are doing and that you no longer feel about them.
- Engage in activities that you couldn't do while you were together - get a massage, take a yoga class, or read a book. They can help you focus on yourself and relax.
- Try new activities that your ex partner wasn't interested in. This may distract you from checking social media thereby reinforcing negative feelings. For example, if you've always wanted to learn how to cook (but your ex disdained the idea), deciding to take lessons to learn a few dishes can take up a lot of the time you would otherwise have spent on social media.
Step 5. Meet new people
Give yourself a distraction from each other and your mutual friends by meeting new people. You may have so much fun with your new friends that you completely forget about looking for your ex partner on social media.
- Meet new by engaging in new activities or by joining groups you are interested in. For example, join a running club or go for an aperitif in a new place - group activities are a great opportunity to meet new people and distract yourself from your former partner.
- Flirt with your new acquaintances. It may be premature to date someone new, but innocently flirting with someone can boost your self-esteem and distract you from your ex.
Advice
- Consider deactivating or deleting your social profiles in case you are stalking the other person heavily.
- Simply ask yourself if what you are doing is correct, if it will bring you any benefit, or if it will only harm you and the other person. If you are stalking in real life and really care about the person in question, the best way to show your affection is to stop. You may not realize it, but with stalking you are harming the mental health of the other: stopping means being ready to let him go, that is, letting him live a happy life. This is a gesture of true affection towards the other.
