Social awkwardness arises from the feeling of not appearing "normal" or "socially adequate" in the eyes of others. This sense of inadequacy occurs when one is afraid of the judgment of others, but it is also generated by social expectations. It can therefore prevent you from interacting in a healthy way with people for fear of being ridiculed or even excluded. If you realize that in reality everyone is afraid of being clumsy in public and that there are several ways to overcome moments of embarrassment with grace and security, you will be on the right path to live interpersonal interactions peacefully, without fear of them anymore.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Changing Your Mental Predisposition
Step 1. Remember that you are not alone
You may think that everyone (except you) gets along great with others, but in reality almost everyone is afraid of making a fool of themselves in public. Everyone is afraid of not liking others, they care about making a good impression and they don't want to bore people.
You may think that some people exude confidence from all pores, never caring what others think, but the truth is that everyone is insecure about certain aspects of social interactions. Everyone wants to be liked and have friends
Step 2. Ask yourself about the origins of these feelings and fears
In most cases, this feeling arises from anxiety, fear, insecurity or low self-esteem. If you are willing to push your limits little by little and find ways to cultivate good self-esteem, you can address each of these causes. Whenever you feel uncomfortable, try to identify the reason that triggered this feeling, so that you can deal with it directly. The sooner you find out what the real cause is, the sooner you will be able to fight it.
Social distress can have many other reasons, such as having had bad past experiences, feeling misunderstood, feeling pressure in some situations (for example at work, with colleagues, with parents, and so on) or not understanding motivations and behaviors of the others
Step 3. Commit to overcoming shyness
Being shy can be very inhibiting from a social point of view. Shyness can present itself in different ways: perhaps it manifests itself with everyone or maybe only when you are in certain groups. For fear of embarrassing yourself, you are reluctant to interact. However, you can make an effort to feel more relaxed when interacting with others and get out of your shell a little more.
- If you are shy, you may want to attend social events but are afraid of feeling embarrassed or left out.
- Read this article to find out more: you will realize that shyness is absolutely manageable.
Step 4. Stop worrying about other people's judgment
It seems easier said than done, but stopping thinking about how you are perceived by others is key to not feeling uncomfortable. Most everyone cares about the judgment of others - as soon as you start to get nervous because you are afraid of what others think, it can be helpful to remember this. If you only think about the judgment of those in front of you, you will never be able to relax or enjoy social interaction. Once you get rid of these worries, it will be easier to be yourself, to speak calmly and naturally.
Remind yourself which opinions really matter. You didn't make a good impression on a stranger, but will you ever see this person again? As for friends, the real ones will stay with you, even if you make mistakes
Step 5. Find out if you have social anxiety
It is a disorder that prevents you from facing everyday life normally, including school, work or social events. A person suffering from social anxiety tends to only associate with trusted family and friends, avoiding all other interpersonal relationships. Those affected have the constant fear of being squared by others to be humiliated or embarrassed.
To learn more about social anxiety and how to treat it, read this article
Step 6. Recognize the sensations that arise
Try to understand when you feel uncomfortable. If when you feel embarrassed or anxious you manage to have a good awareness of your body sensations, you can feel the adrenaline flow and make you feel the need to escape or hide.
Try to observe if unusual sensations arise: being hot, sweating, fidgeting, feeling restless, or not knowing what to do with your body, as if it were a burden and you can't move naturally. Examine your thoughts and try to understand if you tend to fiercely criticize your social performance. Also, keep your emotions in check, whether you feel helpless or unable. Get in tune with these feelings so you can learn to recognize them
Part 2 of 3: Using Relaxation Techniques
Step 1. Try to talk to yourself
Inner dialogue will help you focus on your priorities. It will encourage you to calm down instead of worrying about the judgment of others, so you can convey greater peace of mind. Here are some phrases that can help you overcome moments of social anxiety:
- "It will be okay. My emotions are not always rational, so I can relax and calm down."
- "I'm giving too much importance to negative feelings."
- "These people are nice and I'm having fun with them."
- "I'm here to have fun."
Step 2. Learn to relax
You should start doing this at home, where you feel most comfortable. Relaxing before engaging in social interaction can help you open up, be honest with others, and let your guard down in a public setting. If you do not feel tense, you will also be more predisposed to live social situations peacefully rather than fear them. Also, relaxing helps relieve anxiety.
- Practice deep breathing to overcome moments of anxiety.
- Try practicing mindfulness meditation and read this article for more ideas.
Step 3. Take things more lightly
It happens to experience unpleasant or even embarrassing moments. Learn to take yourself less seriously and understand the comical side of unpleasant incidents. Having a good sense of humor will not only help you see less pleasant events from a different perspective, it often breaks the tension, prompting others to laugh at you rather than at you. Stopping taking yourself too seriously is one of the secrets to fighting social awkwardness. It will reduce the pressure and help you relax.
It is often impossible to control uncomfortable situations, such as a long awkward silence in the middle of a conversation, emitting noisy gases at an inopportune moment, or tripping over a carpet while going to collect a prize. A laugh will save you
Step 4. Try to think positively
Awkward moments can make you mull over everything that goes wrong during a certain interaction or even in your life. But you need to make an effort to intentionally focus on the positives. What is doing particularly well right now? Defining the positives accurately can help you change your perspective and understand that embarrassing episodes are a trifle in the grand scheme of things.
Try not to give too much importance to a negative event and use it as a yardstick to confirm that social interactions are all uncomfortable. Focus as much as possible on all the episodes that you enjoyed and that went well
Step 5. Cultivate higher self-esteem
While you may not feel safe, you can pretend to be until you really are or remind yourself to be as friendly as possible. It is difficult to feel safe in those situations that arouse fears, anxiety, panic and the desire to hide or run away.
- Ask yourself "What will ever be the worst that could happen?" and trying to take the first step in getting closer to others is a good place to start. All the bad things you imagined probably won't happen.
- Read this article for tips on how to build self-confidence.
Step 6. Be kind to yourself
You are not condemned to have problems with social awkwardness forever, it is only a temporary phase. You will be able to overcome small accidents and replace them with many more positive experiences. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone has at least one mortifying anecdote to tell. Remembering these episodes with a smile and understanding that they haven't ruined your life (they're mostly fun stories to tell at dinner) means being kind to yourself.
Part 3 of 3: Improving Your Social Skills
Step 1. Learn to be a good listener
If you don't feel ready to step into a conversation with a shrewd comment, there are still other ways to get closer to others - actively listening is one of them. This at least partially alleviates the pressure exerted by social interactions, as you don't have to worry about sounding smart or interesting - you just have to listen carefully and ask questions. Remember that people like to talk about themselves, especially if their interlocutor seems very interested.
- When actively listening, show your interlocutor that you are following the thread by paraphrasing their message and repeating it. For example, you might say, "So, from what I understand…".
- Ask pertinent questions. You don't have to be pushy or too personal, but constantly ask him questions or ask for opinions.
- Show him that you are listening by nodding, looking him in the eye, making sounds, or saying words that confirm it (such as "Yes" or "Sure").
Step 2. Use open body language
You don't have to seem closed in, you have to invite others to approach by showing that you are friendly and well disposed. The body communicates this immediately. If you cross your arms or legs, you won't seem interested in social interactions. The same happens if you avoid eye contact. Be careful not to cross your arms and legs, hunch over, or keep your head down; instead, look others in the eye and maintain a posture that denotes a good disposition.
Step 3. Have a conversation
This can help you open up others and have a chat with people you recently know.
- Ask others how they are or how their day is going.
- Try to find out if you have anything in common. Try to figure out if you and your partner are rooting for the same team, watching the same shows, or having the same pets.
- Use your surroundings to your advantage. If you meet someone in a cafe, ask them if they've tried the sweets they sell. If you are outdoors and it is a beautiful day, ask your interlocutor if he will take advantage of the good weather to do something fun.
Step 4. Be friendly
Assuming that a person is well disposed towards you allows you to be more open and sociable with others. It is still true that someone will respond negatively and unpleasantly regardless of your predisposition, but this is not a valid reason to give up or blame yourself. After all, you are not responsible for the behavior of others. This person is likely to have a difficult past or are facing a bad day. Either way, his attitude doesn't reflect who you are or what you do. Being friendly will put others at ease, offer a way to break the ice, give people the freedom to feel more open and relaxed in your presence.
Step 5. Make a joke or tell a joke
Bad timing can ruin your social credibility and you risk making a bad impression. Instead, making a joke at the right time and in the right tone can ease even the most tense of situations.
Try to get an idea of the situation. If the atmosphere is heavy, but not too heavy, the right joke can lighten it. But if it's a very serious discussion, like the death of your grandparents, you should avoid showing off your sense of humor until the tone of the conversation has changed at least a little
Step 6. Give meaningful compliments
In this case, it is essential to be honest and show compliments at the right time. If you are not honest, avoid it. If you are not used to doing this, observe others to understand how to behave and imitate them. You can compliment a person's accessories, clothes, or new haircut. Once you get to know her better, you can move on to deeper compliments.
- Complimenting someone's personality, for example telling them that they have a great sense of humor or that they always know what to say when talking to strangers, can make them feel more special than commenting on their physical appearance.
- If you compliment your physical appearance, make sure it doesn't lend itself to misunderstanding. For example, if you want to compliment a woman, focus on her face or hair, avoid comments about her body, otherwise they could be more intrusive than hoped.
Step 7. Find out what to avoid
Every social situation is different, but there are certain things you should avoid in order to be able to deal with others. There are certain comments or actions that tend to be uncomfortable from a social point of view, so it is preferable to control yourself so as not to cause embarrassment. Here's what to look out for:
- Don't say you're a social misfit. You can imagine the result.
- If you don't know a person well, don't ask questions that are too personal, like why she's not dating or if she's put on weight.
- You don't have to stay miles away from people, but give them space.
Step 8. Observe the etiquette
If you don't know the social rules of the group you are in, make an effort to learn them, otherwise you risk feeling like a misfit. This is especially important when you visit another city or go abroad. Use good manners, don't forget to say "Thank you" and "You're welcome".
Step 9. Get involved
Locking yourself up behind your computer screen, hiding in your office, or dodging lunchtime appointments won't help you avoid uncomfortable moments. If you spend most of your time alone at home or in front of the computer for fear of interacting with others, you will never be able to hone your social skills.
- Remember that some people are snobbish or cold. They don't represent the majority and they don't give you a valid reason to hide. To deal with these people, learn to politely distance yourself: give a quick nod and say "It was a pleasure to meet you", then leave immediately.
- In addition to being able to strike up a conversation, learn how to end it. For many, the discomfort comes from the difficulty of ending a dialogue that is not going anywhere or that is unbearably boring: in fact, they fear that they will seem rude or insensitive.
Advice
Many overcome social awkwardness over the years. In fact, it is a feature commonly associated with adolescence and early adulthood. Growing up, people look for different ways to control these emotions that have troubled them for a good part of their life
Warnings
- Don't show off in order to try to connect or impress others. If you find yourself talking incessantly about your abilities or what you have, stop and apologize or just try to ask your interlocutor questions.
- Don't worry and, in particular, don't get lost in detailed analysis. The more relaxed you deal with social interactions and their purpose, the better.
