You might think that with 3.5 billion men in the world it's not that hard to meet the right guy. Too bad that the reality is very different. Even if you met one, what would you tell him? And how? There are no magic potions that can make him come to you and start a conversation. But don't worry, you won't need it, because you are so smart and so confident that you can do it yourself!
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Finding the Right Guy
Step 1. Think about the type of people you enjoy spending time with
It is not strictly necessary to find a guy who has all the characteristics you are looking for, but he will still have to have some of the traits you value most in people. What are the things you care about? What does he like? What do you do in your free time? If you already know a guy who owns what you are looking for, great! If this is not the case, you will have to start your research.
Once you figure out what kind of guy you're looking for, think about where you might find him. Is he the kind of person you might meet at a party? One you might come across at a sports team's training? Or at a concert?
Step 2. Join associations dealing with issues belonging to your sphere of interest
Some may advise you to join clubs that the type guy you are interested in might be a part of, but you wouldn't last long. You will have to join an association that you like, so that: A) you are happy to be part of it; B) you can meet guys who have something in common with you. Which one should you choose? A theater club? An environmental association? A sports club? What do you think about the possibility of volunteering at a kennel or similar facility? Even if you don't meet the ideal guy, you'll make friends, keep busy, and most likely develop skills you didn't have before.
Although there is no need to say it, obviously the only place where you won't meet kids is in your home, sitting in front of the TV all day with your cats. Get involved and sooner or later you will happen to know one. After all, there are 3.5 "billion" out there
Step 3. Go to places where you feel comfortable
It could be your favorite bookshop, if you are an avid reader, or a coffee shop if you like coffee. It could also be a place where you usually go with your friends. Popular places will do, however, like ice skating rinks or ice cream parlors - places that people your age tend to frequent.
You can also go out in groups, but it is important to spend time alone in such places because the guys who do not feel comfortable among too many people (most, in these contexts) will feel more encouraged to approach you or to be approached
Step 4. Do what you like
If you work on expanding your horizons, getting involved, going to public events, meetings and reunions, attending a gym or an art class, and pursuing your dreams, you will be able to meet the guy who you were looking for. It will happen. Plus, you'll be happy and feel your best, because you'll be doing what you love, so how could he not fall in love with you?
You know the saying "Do things happen when you least expect them?". Well, it is said for a reason. If you move on with your life, you will meet someone who will be living theirs, and maybe you may be able to combine your qualities and aspirations. A guy shouldn't stop you from living your life, whether you have it or you don't
Step 5. Tackle online dating with caution
You can find people you are compatible with in a chat room, on Facebook, or on a forum that discusses topics that you both love. That said, you have to pay close attention. There are thousands of scammers out there, and they are people you should never trust. If you make friends with someone, try to find someone who knows them in real life and who can give you reassurance about their true identity.
Remember never to disclose your personal information online. If you feel like it, you can give your name and your mobile number, but never communicate your home address or other sensitive data to anyone. Why on earth would a guy need these things?
Step 6. If you are looking for a boy at school, don't be in a hurry
It is important not to choose just any mate - this usually leads to disastrous relationships and infidelity. Instead, if you feel the need for a partner, take it easy. Try to identify guys who may share interests with you or who have a personality that you feel attracted to. It is important that you are in sync. If not, things might not last long and either of you would end up heartbroken.
Don't settle for finding just any guy, thinking you can change him to make him more desirable. You could create emotional problems for both of you and ruin any prospect of love or friendship with that person. If initially there is no spark, do not force things. You will find someone who ignites desire in you and feels the same for you without needing to change
Step 7. Don't settle for it
You've looked around and now you think you've found the right guy. Is he the kind of guy who might want to spend time with you without expecting anything more? Is he the kind of person you would like to have around you in the long run? Does he know how to take care of himself? Does he show respect to everyone? Do you enjoy being in his company? If the answer to all these questions is "yes", you are on the right track! Now is the time to take action.
A general rule of thumb that applies to men is this: if you think a guy knows you like him, he doesn't really know. When you are absolutely certain that he knows, there is a vague possibility that this is the case. If you've come out in a face-to-face conversation, they may not have realized you were serious yet. In the following steps you will need to take things calmly and be pretty clear. Are you ready?
Part 2 of 3: Working on Self-Esteem
Step 1. Open yourself to the people around you
If you don't confide in any of the people around you, it will be difficult for you to open up to the guy of your desires. Start making friends with the people who gravitate around you. There are several reasons why this is good:
- The guy you're interested in will see you talking to lots of people. This will make you appear friendly, fun and outgoing. Plus you will look much more affable.
- He may be friends with the people you are talking to. It is a very natural way to start making friends.
- If you talk to everyone, it will be normal for you to start chatting with him too. Plus, doing so will make it seem like you have no second intentions, masking any feelings you don't want to come to light.
Step 2. Practice being sociable with others
The more you go out, the more you socialize and talk to other people, the easier it will be for you to do it with anyone. If you just communicate in monosyllables, you will probably be a little rusty and embarrassed. And it is normal: no one was born Casanova, it is an acquired gift.
We are social animals and we tend to learn certain behaviors pretty quickly once we get into the fray. The same goes for you! It will seem difficult at first, but from time to time it will get easier and easier. That is why it would be advisable to start with the people who surround you but are not interested in; you'll need to train to be ready when the time comes to talk to the guy you're interested in
Step 3. Make yourself accessible
If you are always smiling and appear eager to talk to other people, you will inevitably meet them. If you are always unfriendly and reserved or if you never add anything to conversations (for example because you always have your cell phone in hand), others will avoid you, thinking that you do not want to talk. Keep your head up and your mind attentive to your surroundings. If you are in the same place with other people, you will be sharing similar experiences, so you will have something to talk about.
Imagine a similar scenario: you are at a meeting of the association you belong to and you are all sitting around a table eating some snacks. A mutual friend makes a joke and you all laugh. Later, if you find yourself next to the guy you're interested in, you can refer to the joke from earlier. You will share a laugh and you will have broken the ice
Step 4. Maintain good hygiene
Use conditioner and style your hair, wear clean clothes and try to smell nice too. You probably wouldn't go crazy for that guy if he looked like someone who just hauled himself out of a garbage can, right? The same goes for him. To be physically pleasing, you will need to look your best. Wear clothes that make you feel confident, put on your favorite lip gloss, smile and you will be ready.
Initially you will need to get the guy's attention through your physical appearance. This is how it works. Always try to look your best; take care of your look and you might catch her eye. That said, don't overdo it - looking like someone who tries too hard to look beautiful won't make you attractive in her eyes. If you pretend to be what you are not, it would appear obvious to everyone, so always try to follow your instincts
Step 5. Try to be open minded
Don't belittle yourself or other people - everyone is important, including you. With such an attitude it will be clear to everyone that you are friendly and that you show interest in the people around you. Why wouldn't he want to get to know you a little better? With your eye contact skills, she'll surely want to hang out with you for at least a conversation or two. A positive attitude will help make good things happen, a negative attitude will prevent them from happening.
Even if it turns out he's not interested in you, it won't be the end of the world. What if the person we're interested in doesn't reciprocate our interest? It would certainly be a painful lesson, and it takes many people too many years to learn it. However, when you get rejection, try to be happy all the same. You will still have saved yourself a lot of years of wondering how it would go. With his refusal, this guy has paved the way for you to approach your next love. It was still a success
Step 6. Realize that he is probably even more nervous than you are
Many guys get upset when it comes to talking to a girl, keep that in mind when trying to work on your safety. He's the one who needs a little nudge to get things started, so cleverly use some eye contact or a friendly smile to nudge a guy into a conversation or to let him know there's nothing to fear about entertaining. a conversation with you.
It's also a good way to get you talking to him. Realizing that he too is nervous, insecure, and that he probably thinks you're not even interested in him as a friend will help you hurry up and make this nice gesture of friendship
Part 3 of 3: Have a Conversation and Try to Know Him Better
Step 1. To start a conversation, observe your surroundings
Let's assume that, at school, you see that boy who plays football and that you like so much. He is looking at a billboard about a collection of photos for the school yearbook. Approach him and ask him if he plans to attend. Introduce yourself, try to keep an open mind on any topic, and be friendly. Done! You officially broke the ice. From now on, things may proceed in small steps, but the hardest part is completed.
You could also ask him what he is doing or what he is watching. If it is something that is part of your sphere of interest, tell him. If it's something you don't know about, ask him questions and try to find out more. If he's looking at tour dates for a band you've never heard of before, say something like, "Hey, what genre do they play? The name is familiar to me." Anything will do, as long as you start a conversation. From there on you can start talking about other bands and evolve the conversation
Step 2. Find out what some of his interests are and try to put some comments or questions about one of them into his speeches
You broke the ice, now how do you go about it? Would you like to have a conversation on profound issues, on your philosophy in life? Not so fast. To get started, you might try to get some background information on what his interests are, such as finding out if he plays a sport, just to have something to talk about. In this way, when you are together in the corridor, you can approach him to say something like: "Hey, you play football, right? This Sunday you win?".
It will also show that you pay attention to him and that will make him feel good. Hopefully, after your questions, he will start asking about your interests as well. If he does, you may start spending more time talking or dating
Step 3. Try to think of a few short, witty sentences to keep the conversation going
The hardest part of talking to someone is starting the conversation. But you have already overcome this! Now you need to be able to keep the conversation going. Here are some tips to make your first chat last longer.
- Collect ideas from your surroundings. If you're in a game, comment on what just happened ("Oh! Did you see that?"). Then, tell him something funny or engaging that happened to you in a game you've seen in the past. He may also have a funny story to tell you.
- If you are in a generic place, try to observe the objects around you to look for some ideas. When you were little, did you have a mirror similar to the one in the room you are in now? Tell him in an engaging tone that makes it interesting.
- Your first conversation shouldn't be deep or focused on your feelings. It could be something as simple as "I had a chair like that in the house I grew up in. Gee, it reminds me of the old days, hahaha!" Think of something amazing or funny. Ask him if he has similar stories too.
Step 4. Be confident, sweet, casual and relaxed
Act like it's an informal meeting, because it is. Do not start in the fourth; it's just a simple conversation. If you feel the conversation is dying out, let it end. You can have another one another day. If the chat is going great, let me transport you. If he asks for your number or wants your friendship on Facebook, great! If not, that's fine too.
If you feel confident, brave, and things are going well, you might want to ask him for his phone number. Some like direct people. But avoid doing it out of the blue. Introduce it by talking in a friendly way or by asking him questions like, "Are you having fun?" or "I've never seen a [piece of clothing] like this. It fits you a lot!" Make sure you appear vital, friendly, and affable. Laugh if you feel like you want to. Being confident is the key. The ultimate goal must be to get his phone number or any other way to keep in touch (Facebook, e-mail address, etc.)
Step 5. Start as a friend
The only way to know if you would get along well together and if there is a certain chemistry between you is to cultivate a friendship first and foremost. Spend time together in a group, chat, meet at parties and get to know each other better. If things are evolving between you, let them evolve. Then you can take action when you feel confident.
Try not to appear desperate. You'd almost certainly scare him if you said something like, "You are the most wonderful person I've ever met. I know you don't know me at all, but I'd love you to know me better." Some men may be attracted to a similar attitude initially, but it won't entice them to stick with you in the long run. It is much better to take it slow and start as friends
Step 6. When you get to know each other a little better, ask him to go out with a smaller group of people
Sure, you meet him at various parties and stop for a chat, attend the same school and maybe even meet at some sporting event, but that's not enough. You may have to challenge the situation; start by asking him to join you and some of your friends one night that week. If in the next few days you have to face a test at school, it could be an excellent excuse to organize a "study" evening.
Once you are comfortable hanging out with smaller groups of people, you can take it one step further and start going out on your own. We must proceed in small steps, do not be in a hurry
Step 7. Let him know you like him
You've paved the way, now what? Well, it's time to let him know you like him, or maybe he'll come forward. In any case, it is a step in the right direction. Ask a mutual friend what your chances of not being rejected are, he may have already asked him the same thing.
