How To Make A Shy Guy Open Up (With Pictures)

2024 Author: Samantha Chapman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 09:13

Shy people are extremely reserved in public. They tend to avoid interacting and are reluctant to share personal information. It can be frustrating for friends and family who want to deepen relationships, but also for new acquaintances who want to build a bond.

Steps

Part 1 of 5: Breaking the Ice

Step 1. Take the first step

Shy people like to interact, but they are often anxious or scared. Therefore, be prepared to strike up a conversation, as they are little inclined to take the initiative.

• Make your approach happen by accident. A formal introduction could upset a shy guy and make him uncomfortable.
• If you are in a place you barely know, try to approach him by saying that you are happy to see a familiar face.
• If you haven't had a lot of contact in the past, explain where you met.

Step 2. Ask him a question about your surroundings, ask for help or give a general comment about the situation you are in

Focus on your thoughts and / or actions, rather than your emotions. This way, the conversation will be smoother.

• Ask open-ended questions to stop him from replying with a simple yes or no and give him a way to develop his answers. With this strategy it will be easier to converse.

  For example, you might ask him, "What project did you work on in school?" After his answer, ask him to explain better what it is and ask him other questions

Step 3. Follow the intensity of his speeches and adopt a posture similar to his

This will show that you are interested without giving the impression that you are using an aggressive approach. Furthermore, by imitating his movements, you will also increase a sense of understanding and can accelerate the development of your relationship.

• Even if you are going to imitate his attitude, pay more attention to his mood and his milder gestures. If you shamelessly reproduce his posture, you could give him a negative impression.
• For example, if he leans forward, do the same, but don't repeat every obvious movement directly.

Step 4. Watch her body language

If he is very shy, he will surely not have the courage to tell you if the conversation is making him uncomfortable. Then, study his body language to see if he seems calm and relaxed, or nervous and tense.

• If his arms are folded or his hands are in his pockets, he probably feels uncomfortable. If, on the other hand, they are relaxed and stretched out at their sides, they almost certainly have no difficulty.
• If the body is facing away from you, it may mean that it prefers to end the conversation. If, on the other hand, he is leaning towards you (including your feet), he is more likely to be interested in continuing.
• If he jerks or is tense, he presumably feels uncomfortable. If he moves with ease and coordination, it means he is relaxed.
• If she looks you in the eye, she is more likely to have an interest in continuing the conversation. If he looks away or seems unattentive, he may feel distressed.

Step 5. Slowly move on to more personal topics

Initially, the conversation should focus on lighter topics and then gradually slide over to more personal topics so that your interlocutor has the opportunity to manage their discomfort. By asking him what his thoughts or feelings about a certain issue are, you will have less difficulty getting personal, without running the risk of being inappropriate.

To go into more personal terrain in a subtle way, ask him, "What prompted you to participate in this project?" or "Why did you choose this project?"

Part 2 of 5: Focus Your Attention Outward

Step 1. Focus on your surroundings

Shy people tend to focus on themselves and feel inadequate. By directing his attention outward, you will help him be less reserved and communicate more freely.

Embarrassment increases shyness. By discussing events or topics related to your surroundings, you will decrease the risk of unintentionally doing something that embarrasses him

Step 2. Keep your attention on external circumstances until the conversation takes on a more natural air and the guy no longer seems casual

Often those who are shy are so present to themselves that they limit their gestures and facial expressions when they feel distressed during a conversation. As gestures and facial expressions increase, it is likely that he is beginning to let go.

If you go abruptly to personal matters, you run the risk of him feeling attacked and distancing himself

Step 3. Involve him in something

This strategy is especially useful when the conversation is characterized by little spontaneity and naturalness. By engaging in something, you will be able to establish a more articulated communication exchange, reducing the tension caused by the hesitation to say the right thing at the right time.

• A game will allow you to take his attention away from himself.

  For example, you might ask him, "Shall we play a game to pass the time?". It will likely ask you which game, so be prepared to answer. If he recommends a different one, don't worry if you don't know him. He will feel much more comfortable if you give him the opportunity to explain to you how to play

Step 4. Take the conversation to more personal topics

Only try this if the conversation becomes more natural and you don't make any effort to keep it going. It will be clear to you when you notice that he has been going on for several minutes, without thinking about how you can encourage him to speak.

• If you want him to talk about himself, try asking him: "How do you like to spend your free time?". So, you can continue with other questions that go into his pastimes.

  • If he seems reluctant to talk, go back to less personal topics and repeat the attempt once he seems more comfortable.
  • If after trying a few times you can't move on to more personal topics, tell him that you really enjoyed playing with him and ask him if you can meet up for a new challenge. This will give him more time to dissipate the discomfort when interacting with you.

  Part 3 of 5: Opening up to Create an Emotional Bond

  

  Step 1. Share personal information about your account

  He'll start talking more casually if you show him that your trust in him is so strong that it doesn't stop you from exposing yourself. In the beginning, share your interests or what you think.

  • You could start by talking about how you spend your free time.
  • Once you have shared some facts about yourself, you should move on to talking about your feelings in order to establish an emotional connection.
  • Don't be rushed. If he still seems nervous or uncomfortable, don't be in a hurry to tell what you are feeling. Start gradually, talking about something pleasant, such as: "Last week I saw a great movie that left me feeling positive for several days".

  

  Step 2. Talk about how nervous you feel

  This way, in addition to opening yourself up emotionally, you will reassure him that he is not the only one who feels anxious when he is around people. Also, by sharing your mood with him, you will nurture the intimacy established during your conversation.

  • For example, you can tell him, "I was pretty nervous about coming and talking to you." He will probably take the opportunity to ask you why. If you think a compliment might embarrass him, try explaining that you sometimes get anxious when trying to get along with someone.
  • Avoid launching yourself into a declaration of eternal affection. It is an imprudent and too reckless initiative. They may feel distressed and reluctant to speak.

  

  Step 3. Invite him to open up more

  Always respect its limits and don't expect too much. Your goal is to make it open a little at a time. She certainly won't be able to reveal her deepest secrets in a single day, but your attitude will allow you to fuel your intimacy.

  • Encourage him to open up by asking if he is okay. It's less serious than asking what he thinks about you or your friendship.
  • You can help him express his emotions, without oppressing him, by asking him, "Do you feel comfortable right now?"
  • Then you can ask him other open-ended questions. For example, you could start with: "Now what makes you feel….?". If it starts to shut down, go back to lighter questions.

  Part 4 of 5: Chatting Over the Internet

  

  Step 1. Get in touch with him by email or using a social network

  Sometimes, shy people feel calmer when they use the Internet to make contact. Being able to change and manage your impressions instills a feeling of control and, consequently, reduces anxiety.

  • Social networks allow shy people to build relationships, without the urgency to respond immediately, as often happens in face-to-face communication.
  • When the conversation is personal, be sure to continue it in private. He may feel uncomfortable sharing sensitive and personal information with all his contacts.

  

  Step 2. Show your interest in something when you want to start talking to him

  This will break the ice and give him an argument that encourages him to expose himself. The Internet offers you the opportunity to share videos, photos and games, but also to get to know each other.

  Avoid starting any conversation, even virtual ones, with very personal information or questions. Even via the Internet it may close if it feels uncomfortable

  

  Step 3. Open up to move on to more personal topics

  By exposing yourself, you will encourage him to do the same. Ask him something if he doesn't let himself go spontaneously.

  • It is not inappropriate to invite him to open up, but he must not necessarily reciprocate with equally personal information. Don't overlook its limitations. What may seem like a little confidence to you probably means breaking out of his protective shell to his eyes.
  • Don't forget your weaknesses. If you feel like he isn't willing to reciprocate, you don't have to get completely naked.

  Part 5 of 5: Understanding the Introverted Character

  

  Step 1. Recognize the difference between a shy and an introverted character

  Often, when people are called "shy," they are actually introverted. Shyness and introversion have some characteristics in common, but they are not the same.

  • Shyness is a typical characteristic of those who are afraid or anxious when they have to interact with others. This feeling can also lead to avoiding social situations, even when you really want to interact with someone. It is often possible to alleviate it by changing behaviors and mental patterns.
  • Introversion is a character trait. It tends to remain fairly stable over time. Introverts usually don't socialize much because, in general, they prefer to have a lower level of interaction than those who are more outgoing. They tend not to avoid social situations out of fear or anxiety, but because they simply don't feel a strong need to socialize.
  • According to some research, shyness and introversion are not closely linked. You can be shy, but actually want to interact with others, or be introverted, but feel comfortable hanging out with your closest friends.
  • You can find different types of tests on the Internet to calculate your shyness.

  

  Step 2. Look at the characteristics of the introverted type

  Most people have a character that can be defined as "introverted" or "extroverted", but it also changes according to the circumstances. However, if you think a shy guy is actually introverted, try to get a better idea by considering the following characteristics:

  • He likes to be alone. In many cases, introverted types like to be on their own. They don't feel alone and need to spend some alone time to recharge. They are not misanthropes, but they do not feel the need to have an intense social life.
  • It seems to get aroused very easily. This applies to both social and physical stimuli! The physiological reactions of introverts to noise, lights and the presence of people tend to be stronger than those of those who are extroverted. For this reason, they usually try to avoid too stimulating environments, such as the disco or carnival parties.
  • He hates group projects. Generally, introverts prefer to work alone or in the company of only one or two people. They prefer to tackle and solve problems without receiving outside help.
  • He likes to socialize with peace of mind. Often those who are introverted enjoy being in the company of people, but at the same time have the impression of getting tired by partying and, therefore, need to "recharge" on their own. He usually prefers a quiet party with a couple of friends over a neighborhood-wide reception.
  • He likes habit. Those who are extroverted love new things, while those who are introverted are the opposite. He usually likes predictability and stability. Plan everything well in advance, do the same things every day, and take a long time to think before you act.

  

  Step 3. Realize that some character traits cannot be changed

  If a shy guy is also an introvert, you may be tempted to ask him to change. While it is possible that people with this trait become more outgoing, according to some research, there are actually some biological differences between the brains of introverted individuals and that of extroverted individuals. This means that some character traits cannot change.

  • For example, those who are extroverted tend to have a stronger reaction to dopamine - a chemical that causes a "reward" effect in the brain - than those who are introverted.
  • The amygdala of an extroverted individual, or the area of the brain associated with the processing of emotions, responds to stimuli in a different way than that of an introverted person.

  

  Step 4. Take a test

  It can be fun to deepen your character together. The Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory is one of the most popular personality tests for assessing how introverted or extroverted you are. Usually, it is administered by a psychologist. However, there are many similar but not identical versions of the MBTI test to be done over the Internet. They are not entirely safe or foolproof, but they will allow you to get a clearer idea.