Guilt is a feeling characterized by the awareness or feeling of having done something wrong and, therefore, can be a tool for emotional growth. If a girl has been misbehaving towards you, making her feel guilty, you can help her learn from her mistakes. It is important to remember that everyone is responsible for their own emotions and, therefore, you cannot force someone to feel guilty.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Organizing Your Thoughts
Step 1. Know if you care about her
If you were her boyfriend or her friend, decide if you want him to stay in your life again. Either way, you still have a chance to make her feel guilty, but it's best to understand if you still want to rebuild a relationship with her.
Determine what he went wrong with. Recognize the role you may have played in the conflict and focus on the mistakes he made to get offended. Was she mean to everyone or just yours?
Step 2. Get away from her
Give yourself time to recover from the way he treated you. Stop talking to her. Avoid her at school, work or wherever you usually meet her. If you happen to see it, walk past it and pretend it doesn't exist.
Step 3. Reflect and identify the behavior that hurt you
Try to recover on your own, without trusting that time will heal your wounds.
Surround yourself with friends who support you. Talk to your friends about how it hurt you. Look for a group of people who can support you so you don't have to go through it alone until you feel ready
Step 4. Make a plan
Before confronting her, make sure you have a clear idea of what you are going to tell her. If your thoughts about him are confused, take the time to write down what hurt you.
Part 2 of 3: Confront you
Step 1. Be assertive and look for a direct confrontation with her
Keep a cool head by avoiding raising the tone. Don't let the conversation turn into a fight where he might get defensive and take revenge.
- Avoid playing victim or pitying yourself. Your goal is to gain his understanding, not his pity.
- Get into an open posture. Stand straight with your arms at your sides. Do not cross them in the chest, as such a gesture is commonly interpreted as a defensive attitude.
Step 2. Choose your words carefully
Express yourself using first-person sentences to describe the situation. Look her straight in the eye and say, for example:
- "I think you must know how much I suffered when you behaved in the" X "way. I feel bad because" Y "and I would like you to stop doing it."
- The situation revolves not only around what he did, but also about your involvement. Be ready to forgive her and reconcile with her.
Step 3. Avoid generalizations
The mind tends to overstate things when we are upset. Before starting a sentence with "You always are" or "You never have", ask yourself if what you think actually corresponds to reality. Consider the specific situations that have bothered you.
Give specific examples. Avoid statements like, "I hate the idea that you may have always lied to me." Rather, rephrase the sentence like this: "I felt bad when you lied to me saying you were too busy to talk yesterday. You lied about this last week too."
Step 4. Emphasize your hurt feelings
Tell her how bad her behaviors are making you feel bad and try to communicate your emotions. Be careful not to get angry and not to be aggressive.
- Speak calmly and thoughtfully.
- If you find that the tears are starting to fall, take a moment to be alone. If you burst into tears and can't speak, perhaps you should take more time to calm down before continuing.
Step 5. Try to get her to put herself in your shoes
You will be able to make yourself understood by asking her to see the situation from your point of view.
Ask her how she would feel in reversed parts. Be understanding when you try to guide her to see the situation from your point of view
Part 3 of 3: Move on
Step 1. Be prepared for his reaction
He might cry. Girls are often more sensitive than men, so if you face her directly, you run the risk of her crying or becoming aggressive.
He may become emotionally destabilized to such an extent that he is unable to continue the conversation. It may even escape comparison. If this happens, be open and give it a chance to reflect on what you have said
Step 2. Take responsibility for what you have done
Two people are required to lead to a fight. He will probably accuse you of hurting her. Apologize for your mistakes and give her a chance to do the same. Try telling her, for example:
- "You're right, I was wrong too. I should have acted differently."
- "I also think I could have handled the situation better. I'm sorry I hurt you."
Step 3. Be optimistic
Regardless of the outcome, you confronted her and apologized for your mistakes. This experience will help both of you grow, even if you cannot reconcile. It is likely that she will need more time to understand her mistakes, and if so, don't rush her.
Step 4. Forgive her
Even if she can't apologize, you can still forgive her. Forgiving does not mean justifying what he did to you. Forgiveness is a gesture that primarily concerns those who offer it.
- Forgiveness may not come right away. Depending on the severity of her mistakes, it may take you a long time to truly forgive her.
- Let go of negative feelings. Holding a grudge can cause emotional distress. Realize that everyone makes mistakes and moves on.
Step 5. Help her to be forgiven and reconciled with her
If she can sense your feelings and apologize, accept it. Tell her that her apology has lifted your spirits and that you respect her for taking responsibility for her actions. Encourage her to connect with other people she may have made a mistake with.
