Even though the possibility of creating and strengthening contacts in the world increases continuously, in reality it is always easier to feel excluded. Do you often feel this way? Know that you are not the only one, that's for sure! You are probably wondering how to cope with the feeling of loneliness. First of all you have to be able to understand yourself more closely and later you can start making some changes to overcome it.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Take action
Step 1. Keep busy
Do lots of activities to pass the time. If your day is full of commitments to keep you active and distracted, you won't even have time to dwell on the fact that you are alone. Consider volunteering, get a part-time job, join a book club, join a gym. Engaged in DIY projects. Just get the idea out of your head that you are alone.
What hobby would you like to pursue? What are you naturally gifted with? What have you always wanted to do that you never found the time for? Take the opportunity and do it
Step 2. Change the reality around you
It's too easy to spend the whole day at home and waste it alone or in the company of your favorite sitcom. However, if you stay stuck in the same place all the time, loneliness will only get worse. So, go to a bar and get to work. Go to the park and sit on a bench just watching the world go by. Give your mind some stimuli to distract you from negative feelings.
Spending time in nature can have a positive effect on mental health. Going out can actually reduce stress and also help improve your physical condition. So, bring a blanket with you and read a book lying on a lawn. If you do this regularly, you will be able to lift your mood
Step 3. Do what gives you well-being
Passions can alleviate the sense of loneliness. Think about what makes you feel good. Meditation? Read novels by European authors? To sing? Whatever it is, don't hesitate! Devote some of your precious time to your interests. Alternatively, ask a classmate, gym acquaintance, or neighbor if they'd like to join you. You will make a new friendship.
Avoid using substances to relieve the pain of loneliness. Find healthful activities that make you feel good - not just temporary things that only help hide the wound
Step 4. Watch out for warning signs
At times, you may feel so desperate that in order to overcome your sense of loneliness, you would accept any kind of possibility that is offered to you in order to feel less alone. Be careful not to be swayed by bad influences or the wrong people who just intend to use you. Sometimes, the vulnerability that comes with loneliness can make you a target in the eyes of manipulators or unscrupulous individuals. Among the signs that indicate the presence of people not interested in building a healthy relationship based on reciprocity are:
- The impression that it is "too good to be true". He always calls you, organizes everything and looks perfect. Often, it is the typical signal of someone who wants to take control of your actions.
- He does not reciprocate. Go pick him up at work, do him a favor on the weekend, and so on, but for various reasons he can't return the favor. This type of person takes advantage of the vulnerability of others to gain personal advantage.
- Get temperamental when you try to spend time elsewhere. Maybe you're so excited about interacting with someone else that their control doesn't initially bother you. However, he watches over you trying to find out where and who you are with or expresses concern that you have other friends. It is a warning sign.
Step 5. Focus on your loved ones
While on the one hand it can be difficult for those who love independence, on the other hand in certain circumstances one is forced to depend on others. If you are feeling lonely, connect with a trusted relative or friend, even if they are thousands of miles away or more. A simple phone call can lift the mood.
If you are having a hard time, your loved ones may not even know it. However, you don't have to confide in them if you don't feel comfortable. Share what you think is easier to tell. It is very likely that they will feel honored to collect your confidences
Step 6. Find people similar to you
The simplest place to start is the internet. There are a variety of resources for getting to know other people, such as Meetup. Try connecting with individuals who share the same hobbies and interests as you. Think about what your favorite books and movies are, where you come from or where you currently live. There are groups that meet all kinds of needs.
- Just look for and take advantage of new opportunities to socialize. Search online for a group fitness class. Find a group of comic book fans. Enter that business competition you are considering. Get involved in something. Launch yourself into new opportunities. Take the initiative when it comes to conversation. It is the only way to unhinge the patterns that loneliness feeds on.
- This attitude can take you out of your comfort zone, but you will need to consider it as a challenge to take advantage of. And if you don't like it, you can always give it up. It will most likely not do you any harm, in fact you will be able to learn more.
Step 7. Adopt a pet
Man needs to establish relationships so much that he has been breeding pets for over 30,000 years. If Tom Hanks in the movie "Cast Away" can live with Wilson for years, you too can benefit from taking care of a dog or cat. Pets are terrific companions. The important thing is that they do not completely replace the presence of people. Try to maintain relationships with others so that you have someone to talk to and rely on in difficult times.
- Don't pay thousands of euros to adopt a dog. Go to an animal welfare organization or shelter and choose a furry friend who needs a home.
- Some research shows that, in addition to companionship, pets can improve psychological well-being and help you live longer.
Step 8. Think about others
Social research suggests that there is a link between focusing on oneself and loneliness. This doesn't mean that you don't have to reflect on your emotions, but at the same time it doesn't mean that they should become your only goal. If you extend your attention to others, the sense of loneliness will tend to lessen. Some studies suggest that volunteering, for example, helps people have closer social relationships and feel emotionally satisfied. In this way they manage to fight loneliness.
- The easiest way to do this is to find a group of people to help. You can volunteer at a hospital, canteen, or homeless shelter. Be part of a support group, get involved in a charity, help out those in need of an older brother. Everyone in the world has problems and you can help them overcome them.
- You may also find a way to help other people who are feeling lonely. The sick and the elderly are often cut off from social interactions. If you visit the elderly living in a nursing home or the sick in a hospital through a charity, you will also have the opportunity to alleviate someone else's sense of loneliness.
Part 2 of 3: Changing Mindsets
Step 1. Express to yourself how you feel
By keeping a journal, you can begin to understand where your sense of loneliness comes from. For example, even if you have a lot of friends you may feel confused. Record this feeling in your journal. When does it happen? How does it appear? What happens to you when you feel this way?
- For example, suppose you just moved to a new city after living with your parents. You have made interesting new friends at work, but you still feel alone when you retire to an empty house in the evening. This means that you are looking for someone with whom you can build a stable and strong emotional bond.
- Identifying the cause of your loneliness can help you take some steps to combat it. It might even make you feel better. In this example, by realizing that you like your new friends, but that you miss the bond you had with your family when you lived with them, you will understand that what you feel is natural.
Step 2. Restructure your negative thoughts
Pay attention to the various thoughts that run through your mind throughout the day. Focus on one that is about yourself or someone else. If it is negative, try rephrasing it, trying to give it a positive interpretation: "Nobody understands me at work" can become "I have not yet formed any meaningful bonds with my colleagues."
Reformulating one's inner dialogue can be an extremely difficult task. Often, we don't even realize how many negative things we think over the course of a day. Therefore, you spend ten minutes a day trying to spot only negative thoughts. Then try to turn them into something more constructive. Do what you can until you can manage your inner dialogue and take control of it. Your whole vision may change once you do this exercise effectively
Step 3. Stop thinking that everything is black or white
This is a cognitive distortion that needs to be addressed. Thinking in an extreme way, like "I'm alone now and forever will be" or "I don't have anyone to care about me," will only hinder your progress, making you feel sadder.
Deal with these kinds of thoughts when they cross your mind. For example, you may remember times when you didn't feel so alone: you made a connection with someone, even for just a minute, and you felt understood. Acknowledge and accept that the statements that come from extreme thinking are not articulate enough to reflect the reality of your rich emotional life
Step 4. Think positively
Negative thoughts can turn into reality, because they are like prophecies that come true. If you think negatively, your perception of the world will also be negative. If you go to a party convincing yourself that nobody will like you and that you will not have fun, you will spend the whole evening on the sidelines, without making friends and without having fun. Conversely, if you think positively, good things can happen.
- The reverse is also true. If you expect things to go your way, the course of events can often smile at you. Test this theory by facing a certain situation with a positive attitude. While the results won't be extraordinary in all respects, starting with a positive outlook may not feel so bad.
- A great way to practice a constructive attitude is to surround yourself with positive people. You will notice how they view life and others, and their positivity could infect you.
- Another tactic for thinking positively is to say nothing to yourself that you wouldn't say to a friend. For example, you would never define a friend as "failed". So, if you find yourself thinking, "I'm a failure", correct this stern opinion by stating something nice about yourself, like "Sometimes I make mistakes, but I'm also smart, funny, caring and spontaneous."
Step 5. Consult a professional
Sometimes, loneliness is a symptom of a bigger problem. If it seems to you that the whole world does not want you and you cannot see any gray areas between your black and white thoughts, you may benefit from consulting a therapist or psychologist.
- Sometimes the persistent feeling of loneliness can indicate depression. By consulting a mental health professional to get a proper assessment of your mood, you will get help to be able to recognize depressive symptoms and treat this disorder properly.
- Simply talking to someone about your situation can help you and give you a different perspective on what's normal and what's not, what you can do to feel more appreciated in various social contexts, and how you could improve your status. mood just by changing your habits.
Part 3 of 3: Understanding Yourself
Step 1. Identify the type to which your sense of loneliness belongs
Loneliness can take various forms and manifest itself differently in each person. For some it is a sensation that comes and goes in alternating phases, for others it is a constant state of mind, which characterizes their reality. You may feel a sense of social or emotional loneliness.
- Social loneliness. This type of loneliness involves feelings such as lack of purpose, boredom and social exclusion. It can happen when you don't have a solid network of contacts (or if you've been forced to part with someone because you've moved to a different location).
- Emotional loneliness. This kind of loneliness causes feelings such as anxiety, depression, insecurity and abandonment. It can take place if you don't have strong emotional bonds with the people you want.
Step 2. Realize that loneliness is a feeling
To combat loneliness it is fundamental and indispensable to know that, although it can be painful, it is only a feeling. This is not a concrete fact and, therefore, it is not permanent. If you want to use a cliché, you can argue that "this too will pass". It has nothing to do with you as a social being nor with your brain functioning by generating these unpleasant, but modifiable, thoughts. You can get over them easily and feel better.
Ultimately, you decide what to do with your situation. Approach the issue as an opportunity to understand and improve yourself. By analyzing the evolution of your loneliness, you will be able to understand that the pain it causes can fuel your resourcefulness and make you become a person you would never otherwise have been able to become
Step 3. Consider your personality
Loneliness in the eyes of an extrovert and an introvert takes very different characteristics. Feeling alone and being alone are not the same thing. Think about what represents the opposite of loneliness to you and remember that it will always be different for each person.
- Introverted people are more likely to have a close relationship with one or two people. They don't feel the need to see their friends every day. Instead, they manage to spend most of their time alone and only occasionally need external stimuli. However, if their social and emotional needs are not met, introverts still risk feeling lonely.
- Extroverted people need to be surrounded by people in order to perceive that their social parameters are always widely respected. They can feel low when they don't interact with subjects who offer the right stimuli. If their interactions are not socially and emotionally satisfying, however, they risk feeling alone even among people.
- Which category do you belong to? Understand to what extent your personality affecting your sense of loneliness can guide you when deciding how to master this feeling.
Step 4. Realize that you are not the only one feeling alone
A recent survey conducted in the United States revealed that one in four individuals say they have no one to talk to about personal matters. When family members are removed from the confidant group, that number increases to cover half of the respondents. This means that if you feel so alone that you have no one to turn to, between 25 and 50 percent of Americans feel the same way.
Experts today present loneliness as a public health problem. Recent studies have shown that people who feel isolated, either for an actual distance or in a subjective way, are at risk of dying before the others
Advice
- Know that the world is huge and that, whatever your interests, there will likely be someone else like you. It's just a matter of finding it.
- Accept that loneliness is a feeling you can change. If you turn negative thoughts into something positive, you can learn to be happy on your own or take some risks to make new acquaintances.
- Become more active on social networks. People who increase the number of contacts on these platforms feel less alone.
- If you continue to be alone without doing anything, everything will remain unchanged. You have to at least try. Act! Get out of the house and meet new people.
