Have you ever really stopped to think about the causes of your feeling of discomfort? For some people, embarrassment is due to particular features of their physical appearance, while for others it is related to social status, level of education or money. If you tend to feel victimized by other people's judgments, first you need to understand that it's not good to let others define you. On a deeper level, one of the main causes of the feeling of discomfort is lack of confidence in one's abilities; when we are not sure of being able to act or interact successfully we feel embarrassed. Learn to rein in self-criticism and find ways to constructively reduce your discomfort; it's time to take the reins of your life!
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Exactly Determine the Causes of Discomfort
Step 1. Identify what is making you uncomfortable
Is it your physical characteristic? Of the tic in your eyes? Your accent? Of a particular physical or mental disability? Of your intellectual abilities? Make a list of what is causing your embarrassment. Leave a column blank next to the items listed, after identifying the causes of your discomfort, you can use it to determine what actions can help you minimize your negative feelings.
Step 2. Challenge negative thoughts
Often the discomfort derives from the fear that others confirm the criticisms we address internally to ourselves or focus on those aspects that make us insecure. If your negative thoughts state that you are overweight and you give them credit, the fact that someone advises you to lose a couple of pounds could seriously hurt you and plunge you into deep embarrassment. This happens because your negative internal dialogue has convinced you that you are out of shape and that being fat is bad.
- When those negative thoughts come along, don't force yourself to fight them, but don't accept them as true. You react as if it were an absolutely ridiculous message (comparable to "you are a flying unicorn"), a hypothesis that you think is completely unlikely and about which you have no unfavorable preconception. Show complete indifference by saying "yes, yes of course my dear brain".
- Remember that your inner critic, that part of you that voices such negative thoughts, is neither reliable nor sensible. Unlike what most people who experience feelings of embarrassment believe, this is not the voice of truth at all.
Part 2 of 5: Ascertaining the Reality
Step 1. Understand that others are far less interested in you than you think
Generally, we tend to be too busy with ourselves to have the time to focus on the peculiarities and small flaws of others. By feeling uncomfortable about the size of your nose, you will end up convincing yourself that anyone you meet can't help but stare. However, while you are persuaded that the whole world is being kidnapped by that particular one, in reality it is very unlikely that anyone will notice or stop to think about it.
Step 2. Examine your judgments
Whenever you feel someone is "better than you", highlight and examine those thoughts. In all likelihood, you are overestimating an aspect of that person without giving importance to something that makes him less perfect.
Step 3. Understand that self-confidence is a quality that can be developed
Just like many other skills, self-confidence and self-acceptance can also be learned and increased with time and practice. It is often advised to "pretend that something is true until it becomes real," which is useful for increasing one's self-confidence. Act as if you really believe that you deserve understanding, respect and that you are loved exactly the way you are, in the end you will really believe it.
Put the concepts outlined in this article into practice to start developing your self-confidence and stop feeling uncomfortable
Part 3 of 5: Managing Your Reactions
Step 1. Assess if you are equally critical of others
Nobody is perfect and often you won't even notice the small imperfections of others, so why should others necessarily notice yours? If you can say you can't be that critical or negative of a friend, why not treat yourself the same? Make a commitment to be your closest friend. Here's what you can do to prove it:
- Even if you can't initially suppress the feeling of discomfort, act as if there is no reason to worry. Over time, your actions will create a real sense of security.
- Your main strengths lie between external stimuli and your way of reacting, so try to take control of yourself.
- Always visualize yourself as looking great and constantly feeling comfortable and confident in front of others, but don't focus too much on this image.
- Be aware of the negative judgments you make about yourself and when you compare yourself to others. Don't scold yourself, just notice it and tell yourself it's time to quit, then start thinking about yourself more constructively.
Step 2. Challenge yourself
This is a way to entice you to give your best. When you feel that taking a particular action will allow you to feel strong and enthusiastic, but you feel fearful, anxious, or uncomfortable to proceed, encourage yourself to achieve the desired result.
For example, you say to yourself "I challenge you to put yourself in an awkward situation." A further stimulus could be "Go to that person and talk to them, even without an excuse to do so". Remember, don't scold or punish yourself even if you fail to win the challenge, on the contrary compliment yourself on every attempt you make
Step 3. Use self-irony
Of course not in a malicious way, in a witty way that helps you recognize that you are not perfect, but that it doesn't matter. After dropping a jar of jam in front of the person you like and watching in horror as it shatters throwing pieces of glass and goo all over the place, burst into a healthy laugh to exorcise your proverbial clumsiness, stating that you should be holding something. only after applying double-sided tape on your fingers, then apologize and clean where you got dirty.
Step 4. Just let the discomfort come and go
Don't pay too much attention to the causes of your embarrassment. When you feel it being born within you, tell yourself that it's okay. Notice your feelings as an observer and not the one who is experiencing them, then allow the discomfort to flood you and then disappear. Behave like the people you admire (friends, celebrities or leaders), finding inspiration in those who, after making a mistake, know how to get up and continue without taking on the expectations or judgments of others.
- A few more words about criticism: Learn to distinguish between helpful and constructive opinions from people who love you and vain and destructive criticism from jealous, insensitive, or just plain malicious individuals. Learn from the former and refrain from paying attention to others. You have no need for those who can dispense nothing but hatred, so stay away from their meanness.
- Learn to respond to criticism. Reserve standard responses for malicious judgments, they will help you come out of unpleasant situations unscathed without disrespecting others. Knowing how to react, you will not feel put in trouble and you will not be speechless in front of the unpredictable impudence of others. Try to come up with the kindest thoughts possible and say a simple statement, such as:
- "I'm surprised you felt the need to say such a thing. I don't intend to accept that you address me like this."
- "I want you to know that I am not willing to tolerate being criticized so harshly. I have done my best and do not accept your interpretation."
Part 4 of 5: Do some Inner Work
Step 1. Develop your self-confidence
Strive to deepen your understanding of your self-esteem. Replace fears about what others think about you with being determined to improve and achieve your goals.
- In this regard, write down what your goals are and what your intermediate goals are. This exercise will make you feel more motivated to reach them.
- Share your progress with people who love you. This way you will feel even more motivated to continue and can benefit from their important support. Be cautious, do not give information to those who may try to distract you from the goal; if someone shows they don't want to support your efforts, stay away from them.
- Be a witness of your achievements. Celebrate every time you reach a goal: go out to dinner, set up a meeting with a friend, take a trip out of town or buy yourself a gift. Make a point of noticing what you are doing right instead of mulling over any mistakes.
Step 2. Be honest with yourself
Don't overstate the facts and don't get depressed by telling yourself unnecessary lies, stick to the simple truth. For example, if you decide to wear an out-of-the-ordinary dress and notice people's astonished looks, don't think "Everyone hates it." Instead, ask yourself what is the evidence that nobody really likes it.
Step 3. Be yourself
Behave in a genuine way, so try to change if that's what you really want. Take responsibility for your gestures, errors and interests; essentially every aspect of your life, both good and bad.
For example, if you want to learn how to control anxiety, the first thing you need to do is acknowledge and accept that you have a problem with it; only then can you take the necessary steps to successfully overcome it
Step 4. Commit to change internally
You must understand that, like any other human being, you are part of something greater. It is a truth that no one can deprive you of, it is your birthright. Realize that there are no people who are better or more important than you.
That said, however, it is your duty to yourself and to others to do your best. Therefore strive to always be at your best and be available to others; your flawless behavior will help both of you
Step 5. Accept that, despite external opinions and factors, you are who you are
The feelings of being yourself are constant. Even recalling your childhood and trying to think about yourself then, the feelings do not change, "you" is always you, regardless of age or situation. Our "I" does not depend on any external circumstance; it does not grow or shrink, the sensation of change is only apparent, as is the perception that it is connected to something else. Therefore understand that your existence does not depend on anything or anyone. This simple thought will help you effectively strengthen your self-confidence.
As Judy Garland said: "Strive to always be the best version of yourself rather than someone else's shoddy copy." Do your best to respect that purpose
Step 6. Notice the pattern of thoughts that arise in your mind, both while you are still and while you are active
If you find that you are mostly focused on what others think of you, become aware of it and pay attention. Do not allow the mind to insist on such thoughts. The same idea repeated constantly tends to create a channel, then forcing you to retrace it in the future as well.
Read self-help books; ask your favorite teacher for advice on the subject, do a Google search or go to the library or bookstore
Step 7. Shift your attention
When you start to feel uncomfortable, identify a point to fix and focus your gaze on, it could be any object, even an insect on the floor. What colour is it? How many legs does it have? Anything that can distract you from yourself will be fine; moving your attention elsewhere will allow you to return to notice the present moment and the surrounding environment.
If you feel uncomfortable talking to people, shift your focus to listening to what others have to say. By focusing on their words, forgetting about your appearance and what you will have to say next, you will be able to remove the feeling of embarrassment
Part 5 of 5: Working on the Outside Environment
Step 1. Use self affirmations
Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are capable and ready to make the necessary changes. Use self-affirmations as often as possible to get the most out of them.
Here are some statements to start with: "I'm a good person and I deserve to be loved and respected", "My insecurities don't define me in any way", "I'm doing my best, I can't do more than that."
Step 2. Stop being a slave to the judgment and criticism of others
The moment you allow someone else to judge you is the moment you sacrifice your happiness for the benefit of others. Don't let others define you as a person. It's about your life, not theirs. Even when being completely yourself and standing up for your ideals seems difficult, remember that it's the only way to bring the best version of you into play.
Surround yourself with people who make you happy. The company of negative people only brings you down. It may seem like a cliché, but think carefully about how you feel when surrounded by positive people, then repeat the same analysis focusing on the opposite situation. These are opposite emotions and it is not difficult to recognize which ones to prefer
Warnings
- Stop wanting to get someone else's approval. Living a life completely based on the well-being of others will forever make you a victim of feelings of embarrassment and discomfort.
- Don't always be on the defensive. Be willing to admit your mistakes knowing that this is not the end of the world. Everyone gets it wrong from time to time. Apologize and continue further.
- Sometimes, sensing your vulnerability, people will tend to be overbearing. Bullies behave exactly this way, they search for a weakness and exploit it. In such situations, simply turn away or refuse to take part in their game. Never waste your time trying to impress an overbearing person and don't allow them to project their insecurities and grudges onto you.
- Remember that you are your own worst critic. It is important to understand and recognize that no one else will ever be as cruel to judge you.
