Do you look in amazement at who is sociable? Wondering how he does, how can he feel so comfortable talking to other people? If you define yourself as a loner, but would like to try to get out of your shell, in this article you can find some useful tips on how to introduce yourself, meet and make new friends.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Reflect on Your Loneliness
Step 1. Study your personality
If you are reading this, it is probably because you are not satisfied with your situation at all, feel isolated or would like to go out and make new friends without difficulty. By following these tips, you will be able to understand if you are a loner or if you are just going through a period of solitude.
- People who define themselves as loners generally prefer to spend a lot of time alone, often get stressed out interacting with others, and usually don't get bored with themselves. If this behavior reflects your character and it feels good, there is nothing wrong with it!
- However, it is different from feeling alone, because in this case there is a desire to interact with other people, but at the same time the difficulty or inability to relate to others.
Step 2. Evaluate why you want to stop being a lonely person
Reflect on why it is important for you to get out of your shell. Are you dissatisfied with your situation, would you like to start talking to people and join others? Or is someone pushing you to change your habits?
Realize that some people don't feel the need to have a lot of social interactions to be happy, and that you don't need to give in to someone who thinks you "should" be a certain way or that you "should" like to go out at any time
Step 3. Understand the importance of having social interactions
While you should never feel compelled to change yourself to conform to the idea of what is "normal", you should still understand that each of us needs, within certain limits, to establish relationships with others.
Those who are truly isolated or alone (we can be alone even when surrounded by people!) Are more prone to depression and other potentially serious health problems, so it's also important for an introvert to spend time with other people, albeit happy with the his situation
Step 4. Understand the importance of developing communication skills
Maybe you just have a couple of good friends or are happy to be with yourself or your pet. Again, it is important to develop interpersonal skills in order to strike up a conversation, chat and interact.
Often the ability to find or keep a job depends on your communication skills, so you need to take the time to learn how to feel good around people
Step 5. Assess your situation
If you've decided not to be a loner anymore, you need to come up with a plan. First, however, it is necessary to study the current situation: why do you isolate yourself? If you can pinpoint the plausible cause of your isolation, you will know where to start when you try to change your state of affairs.
- For example, have you just moved to a new city or have you started a new job? Have you enrolled at a university away from home?
- Do you want to work from home and, therefore, do not need to regularly talk to people face to face?
Step 6. Limit your time on the Internet
If it is difficult for you to converse face-to-face or if you don't have many opportunities to interact with people in real life, it may be tempting to make friends online. In itself, that's not a bad thing, because it can lead you to develop some important conversation skills and deepen your interests with people who show a certain affinity with you.
However, speaking through a keyboard is not the same as being physically close to a person, and there is still a risk of feeling lonely and isolated if you spend too much time on your computer or phone. Consider this opportunity as a starting point from which to expand your interactions
Part 2 of 3: Getting Out of the Shell
Step 1. Communicate with animals
If talking to people makes you nervous, you may feel more comfortable being in contact with animals, preferably outside the home. Volunteer at an animal shelter operating in your city or become a part-time dog-sitter.
- You will be able to make new four-legged friends, but more importantly, you will be forced to talk to other volunteers or dog owners.
- If it relaxes you to be with animals, then you will feel more comfortable in this kind of context, because you will be able to talk about topics focused on this theme and, therefore, it will not be so difficult to think about what you have to say.
Step 2. In the beginning, stay around people
If you're just starting to get out of your shell, you don't have to force yourself to strike up a conversation with someone you don't know (or even a classmate or co-worker) or start a new friendship immediately. Take baby steps, trying to hang out and hang out with other people on a daily basis.
Walk or go to a bar once a day. Start getting comfortable around people
Step 3. Try not to focus on the negatives
It is easy to notice when others ignore us, escape us, forget about us or exclude us. However, it is counterproductive to focus only on the negative aspects of interactions.
Step 4. Watch out for external signals
When you're with other people, look for clues that invite you to learn more or join a company.
- Is there anyone who smiles at you warmly? Is he trying to get acquainted with you? Has anyone on the bus moved their bag from the seat to seat you? Maybe the person sitting in front of you in the bar has chosen the same dessert as you and is smiling?
- Any of these could be an invitation to strike up a conversation. Be careful not to decline them automatically, thinking that the other person is acting this way only out of politeness.
Step 5. Be friendly
In addition to keeping your antennae straight at how people give you a cue, you should try to draw them towards you. The easiest way to communicate that you are willing to talk or get acquainted is to smile and say hello amicably.
You may think it makes no sense to say "Hi, how are you?", But you will be surprised at how willing people will be to talk after your approach
Step 6. Send positive air
If you expect to be rejected or to be alone, then this will be your destiny. Do your best to avoid negative thoughts, such as "Nobody wants to talk to a boring loser like me".
- Tell yourself that you will have a good time when you leave the house, that you will have an interesting conversation or that people will like you once they get to know you.
- It is likely that at first you will feel ridiculous and not believe yourself, but know that you can gain strength by repeating these statements.
Step 7. Pay attention to people's details before deciding to strike up a conversation
It can feel weird or embarrassing to strike up a conversation with someone you just met. Instead, pay attention to the people you see regularly when you are out and about in your neighborhood, at school or at work. Recognize their faces and hear their names when they talk to each other, and then memorize this information so that you have a few more elements when you find yourself conversing.
- For example, be careful when the teacher questions someone and take note of interesting observations from a classmate. You could start a conversation with him before class or at the bus stop, by telling him, for example, that you would ask the same question about Plato's theory of forms.
- Maybe you noticed the neighbor across the street with a new puppy. When you will meet him next time on the street, try to tell him how much he has grown in such a short time.
Step 8. Relate to those who can't help but talk to you
A great way to practice your conversation skills and possibly make new friends is to seek out new relationship opportunities with those who are interacting with you.
- For example, you can receive private lessons (or give them) or join an association.
- In these contexts the relationship is targeted: for example, if it is private lessons, the topic of conversation is clear, so you will have no difficulty in taking the initiative to speak. Also, talking to another person alone can be less overwhelming.
Part 3 of 3: Finding Other Ways to Relate
Step 1. Identify and examine your propensities
By spending some time understanding your strengths and natural gifts, you will be able to feel better about yourself overall and will also be able to find a way to relate to those who have the same interests as you.
- If you're sure you're musically gifted, for example, think of a way to meet other music lovers.
- If you're not that sporty, it may be difficult at first to get to know other people by joining a football team. Not only will you face the anxiety of talking to new people, but you will also be nervous and unsure of your physical performance.
Step 2. Join an association focused on your interests
Once you begin to feel more comfortable around people and have reflected on your interests and abilities, you will need to take a step forward, looking for a way to make lasting friendships.
- If you enjoy reading, for example, consider joining a reading group. You might leave calmly without talking much during the first few meetings, but at the same time you will be aware that you are surrounded by people who have the same interests as you and who want to hear what you have to say.
- If physical activity is your thing, look for an association or sports team, or join a gym and take a class. After a couple of times the others will have a familiar face and you will know you have something in common to talk about.
Step 3. Go to events
If you don't have time to hang out with someone on a regular basis, you can find a point of contact by going to concerts, lectures, plays, lectures and debates held in the place where you live.
Often people hold back talking after having witnessed these events, or it may happen to recognize a familiar face at the end of a concert, for example, and in this case it is not difficult to find an opportunity to chat and maybe start a new one. friendship
Step 4. Volunteer
Another great way to meet people is to join a cause that piques your interest and volunteer.
For example, you could work on building homes for the homeless, reading to the elderly in a nursing home, or working for a political campaign
Step 5. Invite other people
After you've gone to some meeting, concert, or volunteer meeting and figured out how to break the ice, take the initiative and invite people to do something with you.
- For example, if you joined the gym and chatted with Paolo a couple of times, you could tell him that you are planning on going for a 3 mile run next week. Ask him if he'd like to join you.
- You may have gone to a reading meeting a couple of times and learned that a famous writer will be giving a lecture at your city's university next week. Invite the other group members to assist you, suggesting that they have coffee afterwards.
Step 6. Try not to cancel a commitment or make excuses
If you are a loner at heart, it is very likely that, tempted by the sofa and your DVDs to stay at home, you will find some excuse to cancel your plans. Try to put a spanner in the works - if others depend on you, you are less likely to find an excuse for your antisocial behavior.
For example, if you told your coworkers that you are going out for dinner on Friday, it may occur to you to call yourself "sick" at 6pm. If, however, you have agreed to pick up a colleague and take him to a restaurant, it will be much more difficult to leave the scene and spend the evening alone
Step 7. Be selective
Even if being alone makes you miserable and you start to feel despondent without friends, it's important to choose to spend time with those who treat you well.
It is not necessary to have a relationship that is not very fulfilling, that makes you feel bad or that proves abusive, just for the sake of being more sociable
Step 8. Learn about social anxiety
If after a while you find that you still have a lot of difficulty getting out of your shell or if the thought of being around people or in a crowd makes you nauseous or panic, you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder.
