It is truly excruciating to lick your wounds after a disappointment in love. You will be able to move on when you can accept what happened and you will feel ready to live your life again. Don't forget that sooner or later you will be yourself again.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Accept what happened
Step 1. Face the pain with your head held high
You have been hurt and feel a deep sadness. This is normal and you have to accept it. Don't lie to others and to yourself by saying "I'm fine" when the reality is very different. You can repress your feelings for a while, but something else will make them resurface and you will feel worse because you haven't been honest with yourself.
Step 2. Remember that it is normal to be sad under these circumstances
In fact, various emotions can alternate, including sadness, confusion and anger. The key is not to let them take over. Don't try to defend yourself from pain and don't give up on the idea of being in a relationship. In the long run it would be much more deleterious. Rather, take your time to grieve.
Step 3. Cry
Crying is a healthy way to express unpleasant feelings, so if you feel like it, don't hesitate. Find a place where you can be alone or with a trusted friend and let the tears flow. It will be faster than you think and you will feel a little better once you let off steam.
In some places it is inappropriate to cry, such as in a store or classroom, so learn to hold back tears in public. To control them, breathe deeply (sniff the air in and push it out of your mouth) and blink several times. Try to distract yourself by moving, such as squeezing a stress ball. If a few tears fall, hide them with a yawn or blame it on an allergy or cold
Step 4. Let go of negative thoughts
Don't let them permeate your worldview. The most frequent cognitive distortions consist in applying filters to events, or looking only at the negative aspects, and personalizing them, or taking responsibility for what happens. Watch yourself to see if you analyze things in this way, then look for a way to avoid the onset of negative thoughts.
An excellent way to fend off negative energies is to meditate. Sit comfortably in a comfortable place, alone and away from distractions, such as television or other stimuli. Breathe deeply and let your mind wander by focusing on an object, repeating a sentence or imagining a quiet place
Step 5. Examine your report
Think about the things that went wrong and why you broke up. There is always a reason. Also reflect on the best sides of your love story and on the things you would like in the future from the person who should be around you. By analyzing all these aspects, you will be able to grow on a personal level and establish the relationship on the right assumptions.
There is also the possibility that you and your ex will become friends, but don't worry about that thought for now. You need space after separation
Part 2 of 3: Taking Care of Yourself
Step 1. See yourself in a positive light
Think about your strengths and be proud of yourself. Engage in rewarding things: take the time to finish the painting you started or to go for a run. To overcome your pain, you need to acknowledge that you are having a difficult time and realize that you are strong enough to deal with it.
List your strengths. Remember your successes and strengths. Simply putting them on paper can help you remember them, or you can make a list and read it when you're feeling down
Step 2. Talk to someone
You are not alone in the world. Talk to a friend you trust, a counselor, or family member and tell them how you feel. Sometimes, it is enough just to remove a weight from the heart to overcome discouragement. Also, you never know how people can help you, perhaps by offering you good advice or just a shoulder to cry on.
Step 3. Train
Exercise stimulates the production of serotonin (the mood hormone) and the growth of nerve cells. On an emotional level, it allows you to feel in control of yourself again. Also, you will see yourself in better shape.
- You don't have to overdo it. 10-15 minutes a day is enough. A little jogging or yoga can be enough to lift the spirits. In addition, exercises that are not part of the real meaning of gymnastics, such as cultivating the garden or taking a walk outdoors, allow you to move and breathe fresh air. The most important thing is consistency, whatever activity you choose.
- If you are in pain, you may have a hard time finding the right motivation to train. Try to distract yourself with something pleasant. Maybe you just need a walk to the mall or somewhere else. You can also do something else when you work out: for example, try listening to the music you love or watching your favorite TV show while using a piece of equipment. By distracting yourself with something you enjoy, you will not take training as a duty, but will see it as a rewarding and challenging activity.
- Invite a friend. Even if you don't speak or have nothing to say to each other, it is more enjoyable to train in company than alone. In addition, the involvement of another person will encourage you to be constant.
Step 4. Watch out for depression
Keep an eye out for the main differences between sadness (a normal, healthy emotion) and depression. When you are depressed, nothing you think seems to matter in life and you can't stop thinking about the most painful events. If you notice these signs or are deeply sad for several weeks or nearly a month, consult your doctor or mental health professional.
Part 3 of 3: Turn the Page
Step 1. Get rid of things that remind you of the person you've been with
This includes the photos together, "your" songs and the gifts you exchanged. While you don't necessarily have to throw them all away (for example, a recipe book that you used to make great dishes might come in handy in the future), try to get them out of your sight.
As furious as you may be, you don't want to destroy something that has economic or emotional value for the other person (be it an expensive item or a family keepsake). In these cases, the best thing is to put him aside and arrange a meeting for him to come and pick him up. It's not an invitation to get back together, so be short and concise when you agree
Step 2. Cut all bridges
Staying in touch with your ex will make you feel worse than you already are. Don't call crying, don't text passively-aggressively, and absolutely avoid any contact if you've been drinking. He has made it clear to you that he is moving forward. The best way to do the same is to avoid all contact.
- Delete him from the list of your friends on social networks. You don't need to know what it is doing via continuous, automatic updates from Facebook or other social media platforms. This way, you will avoid thinking about it.
- Ask your friends to help you out. Don't let them keep you informed of everything they do. Instead, ask them to help distract you, whether it's a chat or stop you from contacting them.
Step 3. Get involved in other activities
The best way to put the past behind you is to build a bright future without the person who broke your heart. The time has come to fulfill your dream of learning a new skill or trying your hand at something unusual. Take a class when you're done studying or working, or join a sports team. You can also sign up for a tennis or soccer match during the week. The goal is to distract you with new ideas and activities and meet new people.
Step 4. Help others
One of the best ways to take your mind off problems is to help someone who is going through a difficult time. Ask friends and family how they are and how their life is progressing. Don't let emotions prevent you from recognizing sadness in other people's eyes.
Don't just help people you know. Volunteering is a great way to frame your situation from the right perspective. So, lend your help at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter and devote your energy to improving the lives of others. In the meantime, you may find that yours is taking on a new meaning too
Step 5. Meet new people
After a while, get back in the game. Don't close in on yourself because if you have lost someone, it doesn't mean that you are difficult to love or unable to love. Take advantage of the new things you've brought into your life to meet potential partners or try using a dating site. You don't have to start a new relationship if you don't want to, but don't dismiss this possibility if someone steps forward.
Beware of fallback relationships. Opening up does not mean accelerating the building of a new relationship. If you skip the steps, you may be confusing easy intimacy with real feeling, causing more pain to yourself and the other person
Step 6. Be patient
These processes take time, and as you lick your wounds, you may have more difficult days than others. Don't be upset if you feel sad when you thought you recovered.
Sometimes, it's normal to fantasize about the ex. If you tell yourself that you don't have to think about it, it's useless: you will get the opposite effect. It will happen to you every now and then, but instead of repressing this thought, accept it and focus on something else
Advice
- Remind yourself how important you are and that a great person is waiting for you. It will do you good.
- Console yourself with unhealthy foods or a little alcohol, but don't overdo it. Be careful not to lose control. Avoid excessive eating and drinking, and do not use drugs, otherwise you will not only make the situation worse, but you will also expose yourself to the risk of illegal actions.
