A manipulator is able to use various methods to get what he wants - he can make you feel guilty or even take advantage of your kind ways. If you know someone with such a personality, you need to learn how to interact with them. Keep calm and don't feel pressured to help her or go along with her wishes. Be firm and assertive when you disagree with her. Set strict rules and spend less time with her (or not dating at all) if the relationship feels unbalanced.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Managing Interactions
Step 1. Stay calm
A manipulator can try to provoke you or elicit emotional reactions and cause you to lose your alertness. When talking to such a person, keep calm and self-control. Don't get involved and don't let them take advantage of your kindness. Take a few deep breaths to calm yourself emotionally and physically.
- For example, if you feel pressured to respond, remember that there is no rush. Give yourself some time to reflect so that you don't make a rash decision, even if your interlocutor urges you. You always have the option to walk away and postpone the conversation.
- You can also try some grounding techniques to keep some balance when emotion takes over. For example, think of a color and look for it in your surroundings or focus on your bodily sensations, such as tension in the leg muscles.
Step 2. Firmly express your rejection
You have every right to say "no" and not feel guilty. You also have the option to prioritize your needs. So, stand up for your position when expressing a denial. Make sure your interlocutor knows that you are serious when you say no and that you will not change your mind.
- For example, say "I'm not available for you tonight" or "I'm not going to answer this question."
- If you are pressed, say, "I have already explained my decision to you and I will not change my mind. Please, do not insist."
Step 3. Be assertive and be heard
Make sure you give your opinion on what is happening and make your voice heard. If you have to communicate something, don't let others interrupt you or talk over you. Express yourself to express your mood and thoughts. Always think that you have the opportunity to reject or share your opinion and receive the respect of others, whatever your decisions.
For example, if someone is trying to extract your consent, reply: '"I disagree" or "I would prefer you not to insist anymore"
Step 4. Take care of yourself
Managing a manipulator can be emotionally exhausting, so try to take care of yourself. If you feel stressed out after a few hours with him or run out of energy after storage, give yourself some time. Learn to breathe deeply to calm your mind and body. If you feel exhausted, practice meditation or yoga. Try to have fun in a way that prevents negative feelings from spoiling your day.
- Tell a friend about your situation. Even if there is nothing I can do to help you, it can still be helpful to talk and let off steam a little.
- Take a walk outside to clear your head.
Part 2 of 3: Identify and Deal With a Manipulative Subject
Step 1. Recognize the signs
A manipulator purposely creates an imbalance of power and exploits the victim for his own purposes. He may let you speak first so he can spot gaps in your speech or distort every word you said. He may lie or make trivial excuses for his behavior, perhaps blaming you for inducing him to do something. The manipulator often judges and criticizes the people he is dealing with. It could make you feel guilty when he is wrong.
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Manipulators have some characteristics in common:
- They know how to identify the victim's weak points;
- They instrumentalize the victim's weaknesses to his detriment;
- They often persuade the victim to give up something in order to further their own interests and self-centeredness;
- When they manage to take some advantage of someone, they can repeat the behavior until the victim stops this exploitation.
- For example, they might say, "Well, if you made me dinner, I wouldn't be in a bad mood!"
- Silence is a manipulative tactic widely used when trying to condition the victim and win it over.
Step 2. Talk about how you relate
It may be helpful to discuss the manipulator's behavior, especially if it's someone you talk to regularly or work with. Tell him you don't like being treated like this. You can also specify how you would like to set up your relationship.
- For example, if you're running a business project and tries to manipulate yourself into doing something his way, be direct: "I don't like it when you talk to me like this. I can make a decision on my own."
- If he's manipulating you to get you to buy something, say, "It's not acceptable that you talk to me like that. You can make a request if you want, but trying to make me feel guilty to buy you something doesn't work."
Step 3. Ignore the guilt
Try to figure out if he is using guilt to control you or make you do something you don't want. Try using his words to get him to reflect on his behavior.
For example, he might say, "You're never available when I need you." In this case, say, "That's not true. I get the impression you don't appreciate it when I give you a hand." Highlight his manipulations by showing him that what he claims does not correspond to reality
Step 4. Report lack of equity
Sometimes the manipulator demands a lot while giving little in return. If someone you know tends to behave this way, start reversing the trend. Ask her if her request feels right or if she would do the same for someone else.
For example, say, "Does this seem reasonable to you?" or "Are you asking or imposing this on me?"
Part 3 of 3: Establishing Rules in the Report
Step 1. Establish fixed limits
Be clear about this aspect. The manipulator can try to overstep the limits you have imposed to get what he wants. Don't give in when you express a denial or agree (or disagree) with something. Stay true to your decision by setting and respecting your times.
- You must not provide any explanation or defend your decision. Don't feel forced to justify your needs.
- For example, say, "I'm willing to help you for an hour, but no more."
Step 2. Limit your interactions
If you know a manipulator, you may want to limit your time and conversations in their company. Be short and concise and don't bring up controversial topics. If he tends to gossip or speak ill of other people, listen to him without replying. He could use what you say against you.
If he asks you for an opinion on something you don't want to comment on, don't answer. Tell him, "I don't know" or "I'll think about it."
Step 3. Walk away if it hurts you
If you feel that the presence of the manipulator in your life is doing more harm than good, it may be time to distance yourself. Friendship is based on reciprocity, but if you fear your relationship is unhealthy, put a stop to it. You can officially end the relationship or not be seen again.
- If you'd rather be clear, email him or tell him in person that you don't want to hang out with him anymore. Try: "This relationship makes me sick, so I'd rather end our friendship."
- The situation is more complicated if the manipulator is part of your family. You can decide to limit the time you spend with him and tell him that from now on your relationship will be based on rather clear and unambiguous rules.
- If you've never learned to set boundaries, you'll need to practice a little. Build self-confidence and value your needs. Make a commitment to understand your limits and apply them.
