Have you noticed lately that a person who has always enjoyed talking to you is keeping conversations at an all-time low? This attitude can hurt, frustrate and confuse you. Here's how to deal with those who are ignoring you without making things worse.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Initial steps
Step 1. Make sure yours isn't just paranoia
Maybe this person's silence has nothing to do with you. He may have personal or family problems. In that case, you shouldn't take it personally. Take a step back and give her the space she needs. However, being away from friends can be a symptom of depression. However, if you notice that this person is silent only towards you and not towards others for an extended period, perhaps you should start worrying.
Step 2. Observe if a pattern is repeated
Has she behaved like this in the past? Does he try to control or "punish" you in other ways? If so, ask yourself if it's worth keeping such a manipulative relationship alive.
Step 3. Question your behavior
When did he start talking to you the least? What happened in the days leading up to the change? Did you do or say something insensitive? In short, try to understand what could have triggered his silence. Narrow it down to a couple of possibilities and find a way to fix the situation.
Method 2 of 3: Confront this person
Step 1. Try what you are going to say
Plan your speech in advance so you can say everything on your mind. If you don't prepare yourself, you may get nervous or defensive in the moment of confrontation. Close your eyes and imagine that you are alone with this person and say aloud what you think. Focus on how to say things and, if necessary, adjust the tone to use.
Step 2. Talk to this person privately to avoid any interruptions
Step 3. Test the terrain with a little humor
If the person woke up with a bad moon, you could ease the situation by making a joke.
Step 4. Start by apologizing
If you think you did something that offended or hurt this person, apologize, even if you're not sure what you did wrong. Say something like "I'm sorry if I did or said something stupid that hurt you." This is one of those few cases in which it is okay to use the conjunction "if" in order to apologize.
Step 5. Reiterate the importance you give to your relationship by saying "I enjoyed spending time / working with you" or "Please help me understand to solve the problem because your friendship is really important to me"
Step 6. Express what you feel about the situation that has arisen
Let this person know that you are feeling bad and that you sincerely intend to find a solution, however, if this does not happen in the near future, let them know that you can wait.
Example: “This attitude of yours really hurts me and I hope you can help me resolve the situation. If things continue like this, I'll have to stop waiting and accept that you don't want my friendship anymore. I don't want things to go this way and that's why I'm trying to understand what's happening to you”
Step 7. Pay attention to your tone
If you are actually the creator of the discomfort, you must make sure that your tone does not make the other person feel too sensitive or stupid. After all, if this person feels hurt, a wrong tone on your part will only make things worse.
Method 3 of 3: After the comparison
Step 1. Be open to everything the other person has to tell you
Make it clear that if he has a problem, you are there to listen. In fact, it's crucial to understand why he stopped talking to you. Plus, he'll surely want to know if you've actually worked out what you're apologizing for.
Step 2. Go away
If you've tried to figure out the problem but he hasn't told you anything, there's not much left to do but walk away. At this point, ask directly “So you are not going to do anything to resolve this situation? Can't we be friends anymore?”. If the answer is no, it goes away. If still unsure, say something like “Ok. So since you're not ready, take some time to think. I'll be here whenever you need to talk”. Leave the responsibility of showing up to the other person; that way, it will have all the time and space it needs.
Step 3. Make only one attempt
After apologizing and trying to figure out what's wrong, your part is over. Now, the other person must take the first step and get in touch with you. If he doesn't, accept that you can't solve the problem without any cooperation from him.
Advice
- Your goal is neither to accuse nor to defend yourself. Rather, you should try to make the other person understand that it was not your intention to offend or insult them, that you tried to understand their point of view and that you are willing to listen. Also, try to make it clear that if he doesn't intend to tell you his reasons, you will respect his wish.
- If you put too much pressure on the other person by focusing on the sense of guilt or behaving in the same way, you could cause a worsening of his attitude and lose the opportunity to save the relationship.
- Keep in mind that no one has an obligation to talk to you. Everyone has the right not to tell anything if they don't want to. If the other person has made his decision and has no intention of reconsidering it, all you have to do is accept it. At some point, you need to have the right amount of maturity to let it go.
- If you are not sure about the reasons why this person has stopped talking to you, ask general questions such as "You have been a bit quiet lately. There is something wrong?".
- If you don't understand what you've done wrong, ask your friends for their opinion.
Warnings
- You cannot read the other person's mind. You can do your best to try to understand, but if she doesn't do anything to improve her communication skills and she expects you to be able to figure out for yourself what is happening to her without any cooperation from her, don't feel guilty.
- If he accepts your apology, forget about it and separate until you can have a new meeting. Insisting on trying to fix the situation at all costs could make the other person nervous.
- If all of this happens regularly, it could be a form of emotional control. In a manipulative relationship, even if you do everything "right", you will never be able to completely free yourself from the abuse.
