If someone is just threatening you, trying to make sexual advances, or refusing to leave you alone, think carefully about how best to protect yourself. The first step is usually to tell the person to stop and take steps to break all contact. In case the harassment continues, asking the phone company to check your calls, change the locks and call the police are the necessary approaches to follow. In extreme circumstances, you may request a restraining order to keep the abuser away. Read on to learn more about how to deal with a person who is nagging you.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Defuse the Bomb
Step 1. Let him know that you regard his behavior as harassment
If you are generally a polite and reserved person who hates hurting other people's feelings, the offender may think that their attitude is actually welcome. It may be hard to believe, but the individual who is bothering you may not understand that their behavior is bothering you so much. Sometimes, just explicitly saying to the person concerned "I consider this behavior harassment" can sound an embarrassing alarm bell. A decent person will immediately apologize for his attitude and withdraw.
- If you have trouble with face-to-face confrontation, or if you don't feel like seeing this person, you can write it in an email or letter instead of talking to them directly.
- Don't apologize for defining the behavior for what it is: you're not the one who did something wrong. Do not put the accusation in sweet and friendly terms. You need to make it absolutely crystal clear that this is harassment, otherwise the person who is bothering you may not get the message.
- Name the behavior and state that you consider it wrong. For example, say "Don't whistle when I walk by, this is harassment" or "Don't touch my butt, it's sexual harassment".
- Attack the behavior, not the person. Tell her that's what she does not like you ("You got too close to me") instead of blaming her for what she is ("You're such an idiot"). Avoid swearing, insulting, demoralizing the other person and all actions that could aggravate the situation unnecessarily.
Step 2. Tell this person to stop contacting you
If defining harassment for what it is doesn't help, and the person continues to have this bad behavior, it may be time to break all contact with them. Making your opinion and wishes clear can sometimes affect the abuser deeply. Explain that you expect him to stay away from you and that you will no longer respond to his communication attempts. It must be understood that if he continues to bother you, you will take appropriate steps to stop the harassment.
- Do not engage in a dialogue with the abuser, try to reason with him or answer his questions. You do not have to react to deviations, questions, threats, reproaches or attempts to arouse your own sense of guilt. Pursue your goal. Go straight to the point.
- If the offender is someone you need to see frequently, for example your schoolmate or co-worker, you can still set new boundaries that make sense for your situation. Tell this person to stop spending a lot of time around your desk or get closer to lunch time for example.
Step 3. Stop responding to this person's phone calls, emails, and other messages
Now is a good time to practice what you told the abuser and to cut your communications. If he tries to keep in touch with you, don't reply to his text messages, calls or emails. At this point, your position is clear, therefore, if this person starts to make himself heard, he is visibly crossing the boundaries you have drawn. You are under no obligation to explain, apologize, or keep the relationship going.
Step 4. Delete this contact from your phone and social network accounts
This way, you will ensure that the harasser no longer has access to you or the information you share with other people. Delete it from your mobile and, if possible, set a block for its incoming calls. Delete him from friends on Facebook and block him on Twitter.
Method 2 of 3: Reporting Harassment
Step 1. Make a note of the harassment
If this person continues to bother you, write down every incident that occurs. At this point, the harasser's actions could be considered illegal, and if they continue, you will need to involve other people. You will need evidence to prove this person's behavior to those who have the power to help you.
- Keep all email and message communications you have received.
- Make a summary of everything that happened, noting the date and place of each incident.
- Write the names of other people who have observed his behavior in case you need to verify the truthfulness of the facts.
Step 2. Talk to your school or workplace administration
You don't have to deal with harassment alone. Before things get out of hand, contact the human resources department, principal, or someone you trust. Most administrations have policies to address harassment. If the person in question is a student or employee, involving the authorities could put an end to their behavior.
Step 3. Call the police
If the harassment reaches threat level and you no longer feel safe, call the police right away. In the event that the offender physically approaches you, contacting the police will allow you to get to safety. Never hesitate to call the competent authorities if you feel in danger: that's why they exist. Write down the badge number of the officer you speak to.
Step 4. Apply for a restraining injunction
You can also apply for a restraining order to protect yourself and your family from attacks by the harasser. You will need to complete a request to obtain this document, have it received by the person concerned, and attend a court hearing when the judge determines what specific protections the restraining order will provide you with. Next, you will receive the restraining injunction documents, which you should have on hand in case this person dared to violate the order.
- A restraining order usually specifically indicates that the harasser cannot contact you or must keep some distance from you.
- If you are in immediate danger, you can get a temporary restraining order, which will prevent the person from being able to legally approach you or contact you until the date of the hearing.
- Consider getting a lawyer to intervene. You can fill out the forms and attend the court hearing on your own, but it's always best to have legal advice so you can be sure you fill out the documents correctly and get the protection you need.
Step 5. Ask your phone company to set a trap
Call your telephone company to ask if it is possible to set up a trap for the purpose of tracing phone calls from the harasser's number. The telephone company will then be able to share these records with the police department, which, in turn, will be able to use them in order to find the abuser, should the need arise.
Method 3 of 3: Keeping Safe
Step 1. Report violations of the restraining order immediately
Whenever the harasser fails to comply with the terms of the restraining order, he reports the incident to the police department, which will record each violation. Failure to comply with a restraining order is a crime, so it is possible that charges will be brought against the harasser if this happens.
Step 2. Tell your friends and family what is happening
Going through this experience alone is dangerous, both physically and emotionally. It is important to tell the people in your life that someone is bothering you and that you fear for your safety. Keep them up to date on what you do on a daily basis so they know if something out of the ordinary is happening.
- If you are going out of town or have to miss work, tell the people you trust.
- Make sure people know not to give any information about you to the offender.
- Ask your friends to stay with you when you feel unsafe.
Step 3. Don't spread data around your home or daily habits
Despite being a big Twitter and Facebook user, it might be time to take a break from going public. The harasser may find a way to control what you do through someone else's account, even if you have deleted it from your friends.
- Don't use FourSquare and other apps that tell people exactly where you are.
- Do not publicly say that you will go out of town or that you will be alone for any length of time.
Step 4. Change the door lock and take other security measures around the house
Become wary and change all the locks. You could have a deadbolt lock installed to make getting into your driveway more complicated. In addition to making sure your entrances are secure, consider these other security measures:
- You can install lights with motion sensors that come on when someone walks near your house at night.
- Buy security cameras to install around your property.
- You may also want to consider an alarm system in conjunction with the police department, so that it can intervene immediately if an intruder enters your home.
Step 5. Learn the main self defense moves
You will feel safer knowing that you can defend yourself, even if you don't need to. Take a self-defense course and learn the right movements to punch and kick and hit a person who tries to attack you.
- You could carry around a key fob with built-in alarm, a whistle or a pocket knife.
- If it's legal in your jurisdiction, you might as well bring some pepper spray with you.
