Someone in your life considers the statement "I had no relationship with that woman" to be nonsense, huh? Fantastic. How do you deal with such a guy? Well, to start, very carefully. If you want it to stay in your life (and you have every right not to), here's how.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Part 1: Addressing the Newspaper
Step 1. Be on your guard and always on your toes
Prepare mentally to accept that you cannot believe this person, considering what he says unreliable. Expect a different result than the one anticipated or promised. In other words… Remember who you are dealing with.
When you love someone, reality is easy to forget. They put their hopes first and give themselves the benefit of the doubt. It is simple to believe in the goodness of the person. Unfortunately, this is not possible in this situation. You will always have to keep your eyes open
Step 2. Keep track of everything
It's not exactly the funniest thing to do in a relationship, but it can come in handy. If you need to be certain that you are not crazy, or that you are not exaggerating it, it is best to have a list of every incident that has happened. Or if you are in a situation where you are starting couples therapy (or worse), you can use this documentation as evidence.
It will also serve to refresh your memory. There may come a time when you say, "Remember that time I got angry because you lied to me about that thing… you know, that THING." Instead, take out your notebook and go over the exact points from the time she lied to you about shopping at the grocery store. Anyway, what need did he have to lie?
Step 3. Focus on the relationship
Instead of keeping your breath on your neck for lying to you, keep your focus on the quality of your relationship. His lies are deteriorating the trust between you. You still love him, but his behavior makes it hard for you to feel happy with him. It's not so much about him, it's about his lies and how it all affects your relationship.
Step 4. Learn not to believe momentum behavior
If a big lie shows up on its own, it might seem believable if it catches the ball. Hooray?! Not so fast. Liars can use these tricks as a one-off to shake you off. In short, to mislead you. So instead of celebrating, wait to make sure it's not a fluke.
-
But some pathological liars don't. They will stand there watching you and that will be the only admission of guilt you can get. You may have to make do with this. Know that in this case, "they know" that you know. As if to say, better than nothing.
Deal With a Compulsive Liar Step 04Bullet01
Step 5. Ignore
When the compulsive liar begins to apply the game of 'two truths and a lie' to life, ignore it. If you know it's big nonsense, don't pay attention to it. When your response to "I used to raise ferrets for the Queen of England" is "Oh," not only will she understand, but you may also have fun.
It is possible to overlook the lies. Society tells us to be nice and pay attention to what people say, to care about them, but liars break every rule, so you can too. If he asks you why you are cold towards him, be honest. You don't have to pay more attention to his lies than they deserve
Step 6. Be patient
If you choose to stay with friends / partners / co-workers, there must be some tolerance on your part. This person has a difficult problem to solve. Do your best and try to be patient. We all fight battles, theirs is just very irritating to others.
Talk to someone from the same circle as you. You will feel better if you have someone by your side who knows the problem because they are dealing with it as well. You can join forces to figure out how to handle it constructively
Step 7. Don't feel compelled to stress everything
The lies range from "Yes, I replaced the toilet paper roll" to "I once shaved Britney Spears' head because she asked me to" - it's clear you'll have to choose your own battles. Leave aside the innocent lies (which you may be able to ignore) and face the heavier ones - if you are not exhausted!
-
If you choose to raise some issues, opt for the ones you don't understand. You can understand wanting to make yourself beautiful in front of others, arousing the envy of others, but what is the point of the lie about the mayonnaise left in the fridge? If you feel like it, start discussing it.
Deal With a Compulsive Liar Step 07Bullet01
Method 2 of 3: Part 2: Confronting the Liar
Step 1. Offer them a way out when you face the lie
When you discover a giant one, it's not wise to throw it up: "You lousy liar! Of course it's a lie." The conversation would take a turn you wouldn't want. Build the basis of your accusation in a kinder way, to give the liar a chance to correct their mistake.
Let's say you find that your boyfriend didn't actually go to his mother to help her around the house in the afternoon. Instead of saying, "Hey. I talked to your mom," you start with, "Honey, did you go to your mom today?" And then go on to: "So: he called. Why did you lie to me?"
Step 2. Break the habit
The first time will be the most embarrassing. After that, it will all be downhill. When you catch him lying, let him know you know, but don't act like you're judging him. Just be direct, keeping calm and cool.
You will have to discuss this over and over again before the liars get the picture. But sooner or later, as soon as the bell rings, they will understand that this tendency of theirs will be hindered every time. The main problem? Patience on your part
Step 3. You refer to their lying pattern
This is somewhat accidental territory. You have to let him know that you know the truth without blatantly telling him. You're a tactician, aren't you? So the next time your friend says to you, "Sure, I was disarming bombs for the CIA in 2009" you can retort, "Is that as true as the ferret thing?" And if he assures you that this is truly "the truth", stay calm, smile and tell him that his repertoire of lies speaks for him.
You don't have to hold a grudge: there is a difference. You're simply letting him know that having told so many lies now is backfiring as to whether you believe him or not. It's rational, logical, and hard to refute: they know it's true
Step 4. Suggest therapy
Another difficult step. If your relationship is very personal and you feel comfortable with the person, suggest therapy. Psychiatrists are not for the insane, they are for those who want to get better. If you have ever had therapy or know someone who does it, mention the example. Many see therapy as a weakness when in reality it is something positive, which renews confidence in your life.
Method 3 of 3: Part 3: Understanding Compulsion
Step 1. Learn the difference between a pathological liar and a scoundrel
If you date someone but have discovered that they don't have a six-figure salary, that they cheated on you, and that they don't speak French, chances are your ex is just a pathetic form of human being. Anyone who lies to look better or to get away with certain behaviors is just a small-minded, reckless, idiot who doesn't deserve you. And not a pathological liar.
Those who fall into this category lie about everything. It lies about things that impress people, but that don't make them or others feel good, or that are of no use at all. They will tell you that yesterday they saw a duck in the lake when there are no lakes around you. For them it will be like breathing. A natural thing
Step 2. Understand why they lie
For most of them, lying is comfortable. It is the truth that scares them. If they are pathological, lying is a symptom of a bigger problem. Possible reasons for such behavior are:
- Dysfunctional family (usually little attention received)
- Sexual or physical abuse in childhood
- Mental retardation, learning problems, borderline personality, etc.
- Impulse control disorders (kleptomania, gambling, compulsive shopping, etc.)
- Personality disorders (Cluster B: sociopathy, narcissism, borderline, histrionics, etc.)
- Drug abuse or substance abuse in the family
Step 3. Know that they may hate each other as they really are
Many pathological liars have a serious lack of self-esteem and that's why they started lying. They have to present an image to the world that makes them proud instead of the one they loathe in the secret of their room. While a liar doesn't deserve your pity, it will help to understand the heart of the matter.
When facing yours, remember that. It will help you stay calm, rational, and rely on logic. Instead of facing a careless imbecile, you are facing a careless imbecile who hates himself. Have him lower the ridge
Step 4. Take care of yourself
Above all, take care of yourself "first". You can have a serious relationship with this person, but that doesn't give him the right to command your emotions and happiness. If you have to leave it, go away. He doesn't deserve you. It can't make you happy. That's it. You are not abandoning it: you are protecting yourself.
-
If you choose to stay, be strong. You can't help him if he doesn't help himself first. Make sure your happiness is in the spotlight. It is not your job to solve or change his problem. If you want to stay with him, live one day at a time. But never forget that you are here first!
Deal With a Compulsive Liar Step 15Bullet01
Advice
It is not up to you. Those who are liars at these levels are always lying. It's their problem and it doesn't depend on what you are worth or what you do
Warnings
- Don't lose your cool. Getting angry will lead nowhere.
- This person will behave like this with everyone and would need help. The best guess? In the end (it is different for each one) he will realize that he is hurting those who hang out with him as well as himself.
