Closing a chapter can have different meanings depending on your experience. It may be necessary to turn the page after a long relationship, the death of a loved one, a traumatic event that occurred during one's childhood. It can also help get rid of guilt for hurting someone in the past. If you want to leave something behind, in this article you will find some useful strategies.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Understanding Your Emotions
Step 1. Think about the situation
There are several reasons why you want to close a chapter. For example, maybe you want to do it after a romantic breakup, a traumatic event you experienced as a child, or a wrong you did to someone. Whatever the situation or reasons you intend to move on, you need to identify them before you can actually do it.
- Try to identify the situation you want to leave behind and the reasons why you want to do it. What person or experience are you holding on to and why?
- For example, you may have been bullied as a child. This still weighs heavily on your life and self-esteem. Maybe you were a victim of domestic violence in your childhood.
- Remember that trying to leave a traumatic event behind can be difficult without the help of a specialist. Before embarking on this path, try to seek help from an expert.
Step 2. Try to understand what closing a chapter means in your opinion
List the progress you hope to make. Now that you have clarified your emotions about what happened, think about how you would like to feel. What would help you understand this? What do you want for yourself?
For example, leaving behind a romantic breakup means recovering your self-esteem after a broken relationship. In this case, you should try to focus on yourself, get rid of thoughts about your ex, have fun with your friends, and finally start dating someone again. If you want to leave behind an accident dating back to your childhood, that means stop reliving it in your mind
Step 3. Write down how you feel
Keeping a diary dedicated to what happened is useful to better understand what happened and to start closing this chapter. Writing can also help you clarify your emotions about it. In any case, remember that keeping your feelings in a journal is often the hardest part of moving on, so it would be best to be guided by an expert so that the process is as safe as possible.
Reflect on the situation you want to leave behind and write down as many details as possible that come to mind. Try to describe exactly what happened, everything you remember, and how you felt about it
Step 4. Talk to a professional
If you don't leave this event behind, it can interfere with your professional life and your daily life. This is why some people go to great lengths to move on and rush to do so. However, trying to overcome a certain experience can awaken many painful emotions. During this journey, be sure to partner with a professional.
- A psychotherapist can help you use cognitive behavioral or Gestalt therapy techniques. These should not be used without expert guidance.
- If you suffer from depression, have lost interest in life, or have suicidal thoughts, then get in touch with a therapist right away.
Part 2 of 3: Expressing Your Emotions
Step 1. Talk to the person concerned
Do you want to leave behind a relationship with a living person? You may remind her of the painful events you have experienced and the consequences they have had on your life. It's not always helpful, but it can help you move on. If you think answering your questions or accusing someone personally will do you good, a confrontation can be a good solution.
- For example, if you want to confront a bully who treated you badly as a child to leave behind the pain he caused you, it might be helpful to see him personally.
- Ask someone to accompany you. You can certainly speak privately with the person concerned, but let yourself be accompanied by a loved one. After the confrontation, you may feel weak or panic, so having someone you trust next to you can be of great help.
- If you're interested in a confrontation, but don't want to have a face-to-face meeting, or it's impossible, write a letter or make a phone call.
- If the person you want to confront is dead, write a letter anyway. If you have questions, talk to people who were close to you.
- Do not expect the person concerned to recognize without problems what you have suffered. He may deny himself taking responsibility or contradict you. Look for a confrontation only if you are sure that it will be enough for you to let off steam to find inner peace, regardless of the reaction of your interlocutor.
Step 2. Forgive those who hurt you
Forgiveness means choosing to move on, overcoming anger and resentment. It doesn't mean justifying what happened. If you decide to forgive, you do it to achieve inner peace.
You can forgive others, but you can also forgive yourself for those choices that have made you suffer. For example, you could forgive a bully who teased you or forgive yourself for not defending your little brother when your father beat him
Step 3. Apologize to the people you have hurt
If you were wrong, show all your repentance, no matter how painful it is. If, in addition to feeling remorse, you feel guilty for not apologizing, you will not be able to close this chapter. Apologize without expecting to be forgiven: you must do it without conditions.
- To apologize to someone, say you're sorry. Explain that you regret what happened and that you made a mistake. Then, tell him that you feel deep remorse for hurting him and ask him to forgive you. You can also reassure him that you are not expecting to be forgiven.
- You can write an email or a letter, but you can also speak directly with the person you hurt. If she's not ready to talk, accept it.
- You might say, "I'm sorry I took it out on you last week. I'm sorry I lost my temper. You had every right to express your opinion, and I should have taken it calmly. I'm sorry I hurt you and made you feel bad. embarrassed in front of everyone. Can you forgive me? I don't deserve it, but your friendship is everything to me and losing you would break my heart."
Step 4. Write a letter that you do not intend to send
If it is not possible to confront the person concerned or apologize to him, you can write him a letter that you will not send him. You can take advantage of it to take a weight off your chest and say everything that goes through your head. Then, once you're done, destroy the letter.
- For example, you could write a letter to your father to tell him that you are angry because he beat your brother when you were little.
- Remember that you don't have to send the letter. This method simply helps you to express your emotions. After writing it, you can burn it or tear it.
Part 3 of 3: Turn the Page
Step 1. Look on the bright side
Keep in mind that closing a painful chapter will improve your life in many ways. For example, you may become more courageous because you won't keep ruminating on past bullying. You may love yourself more because you will no longer be filled with guilt for not protecting your brother. Try to identify the many positive results you will have when you say goodbye. Focus on the benefits.
You could also come up with a mantra to help you focus on the positives. For example, try repeating yourself: "I think this experience has made me stronger" or "Everything happens for a reason"
Step 2. Practice gratitude:
is another effective way to stay optimistic and keep going your way. The cultivation of gratitude is associated with greater psychophysical well-being. It can also be an integral part of the process needed to close this chapter.
- Each day, try to make a list of five things you feel grateful for. You can write them in a diary or post-it.
- You can also write because you feel grateful for this experience. For example, if you wanted to leave the pain of a bully behind you, you may feel grateful that this experience has made you a more supportive and kind person. If you wanted to leave behind the fact that you didn't stand up for your little brother, you might feel grateful that this experience ultimately allowed you to strengthen your relationship.
Step 3. If possible, seek reconciliation
Forgiveness does not automatically lead to rapprochement, but it is possible to leave a bad experience behind by rebuilding a relationship. Do this with caution, as not all relationships can be repaired in a healthy way. If you decide to do this, take your time. You have to be honest with your emotions. Also, the people you reconcile with need to acknowledge what happened and be honest too.
- Instead of immediately seeking the same intimacy as it once was, try making appointments to do something together and distance them over time. This way, between meetings, you will have time to reflect on how you feel.
- Even if you live with the person you want to reconnect with, you can very well schedule appointments only once in a while and take all the space you need. For example, if it's your partner, have dinner with her one night, but go out with a friend the next. The relationship should have some breaks until you are sure you can really trust them.
Step 4. End any relationship
Whether it is short but painful relationships or long and traumatic relationships, you can officially make the decision to eliminate the person in question from your life. Remember that you have the right to close with someone who has abused you, even if it is a family member. You don't have to love someone who tried to hurt you.
- It can be especially difficult to end a relationship if you have family obligations.
- Tell others why you made this decision and ask them to respect it. You must make it clear that you are not interested in receiving updates on this person. Also, ask others not to give her any information about you.
- You are not obliged to share information about your life with those who do not respect these limits.
Step 5. Try to be patient
Leaving behind a negative experience or traumatic event can take years. Go through this process patiently. Celebrate successes along the way and keep working hard until this chapter is closed.
