You took the plunge, making the most important commitment of your life. But statistics show that in the United States, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, and one of the main causes of separation is infidelity. If you are married or in a stable relationship, being faithful is not always easy - but if you commit to being faithful, you will succeed, also with the help of this guide.
Steps
Step 1. Agree to trust your partner
When you have taken your oath, do nothing to betray this trust. Both have sworn to be loyal to each other. Now is the time to respect this intent and believe and trust your partner. Suspicions and doubts do not provoke a person's betrayal, but if one of the spouses has too many, this is a problem for the couple. Set reasonable limits and do not exceed them - this will be the basis for building trust, and the longer you manage to stay within the limits, the more that trust will grow.
- Your behavior in the early stages will set precedents for the rest of the relationship. If you create an environment of trust and respect and give the feeling that your relationship is solid and unbreakable, you will find great comfort and this will help you in difficult times. If you prove yourself worthy of her trust right away, if someone accuses you of something in ten years, your partner will overlook the accusations, because she knows that you would never betray her, thanks to the history of your relationship.
- Conversely, if you do something you shouldn't do, you can't expect your partner to trust you blindly. You crept doubt into her mind, and that made her insecure. The only way to correct this situation is to do everything you can (through real actions) to show your partner that she can trust you.
Step 2. Accept that you are no longer single
You can't come and go as you please, no matter how much you want to do it. You now have a responsibility to your partner, and the sooner you accept it, the less arguments and arguments you will have to endure. Acting like you're free and accountable to anyone is pretty much a guarantee that you'll be single again soon. Always think about the love for your partner and how she feels for you, your commitment and your oath. Examples:
- If you agree to do something, keep your word. Don't change your mind unless absolutely necessary, preferably due to circumstances you can't control. If something like this happens, call and notify your partner right away to let her know about the change - don't wait for her to be worried or angry.
- Even if you don't like reporting or communicating about changes in plans, learn to sacrifice a few things for the good of the team - remember this helps your partner maintain the trust she has in you. Being accountable to your spouse will help you feel closer, and this helps improve fidelity and trust.
Step 3. Understand that your partner is not trying to keep you on a leash
You will simply have to respect your commitment, and try not to make your partner worry. If you don't want anyone to take care of you and if you don't want to be accountable to anyone, you shouldn't have married.
Step 4. Always wear your wedding ring
Avoid taking your faith off in most situations, even if your friends ask you to. You can make exceptions when playing sports, washing dishes, or on other occasions where your wedding ring could be damaged or cause an injury. But remember to put it back on immediately!
- Keeping a wedding ring on your finger sends a clear signal to everyone. Remind people that you are busy and many of them will avoid interfering with your relationship.
- If someone does not respect the signal your ring sets, show them closely and make sure they understand that you are truly married and are not interested in flirting. If showing your ring and clearly saying that you are happily married is not enough, and that person continues to search for you, cut off all contact with them if possible. (If this is your boss, it may be very difficult to do this, but try to only hang out with this person in a group and never be alone with them. If they can isolate you, free yourself quickly - kindly if possible, but abruptly if necessary. Anyway, be very clear.)
Step 5. Cultivate intimacy with your bride
If either of you is having problems with intimacy, talk about it as soon as possible. Being intimate with loving gestures, hugs, kisses and sexual intercourse is a fundamental component of the couple bond. Even sweet words whispered daily and praise for the things you love about each other are guaranteed methods to keep the flame and memories of the moment you fell in love alive.
Step 6. Don't create problems when they aren't there
Making your wife suffer to gauge her reaction is a bad idea. Testing your wife's reaction when you flirt or pay too much attention to other people creates a climate of doubt about your honesty, and creates anxiety and problems. Don't generate fights just to see what his attitude is.
Step 7. Avoid even the appearances of a betrayal
If you meet someone who tries to hit you and who you find attractive, don't panic. Just don't show interest and communicate it clearly to that person. Explain that you are happily married and have no intention of breaking your oath. Say exactly these words. Then apologize and join a group of other people. Don't let this person talk to you on their own again.
- Don't put yourself in situations where sexual desire comes into play. It is natural to find attractive people who are not your bride. But try never to be alone with these people, and don't go out to meet them. Don't daydream or email them, and avoid imagining that you're in a relationship with another person - unless it's your favorite actress. Having a crush on someone you will never meet is silly but harmless. Your colleagues or someone you meet at a party instead represent one threat to your happy marriage.
- Make an escape plan. Consider, for example, if a person you find attractive approaches you, quickly go to the bathroom and then join a group of people - or even go home.
Step 8. Tell all people who try to involve you in adultery that you are not interested, and do so clearly
Don't reply with "I'm sorry, I like you a lot, but I'm married." These words convey the wrong message, which is "If only my wife weren't in our way, you and I could be together." All the people who know you are married and keep hitting on you won't hesitate to bully your spouse if they think you're interested. Make it clear that all that matters to you is your marriage, and your commitment to your wife. Speak firmly and walk away, leaving no room for doubt or hope. Don't worry about the other person's feelings.
People who try to encourage a married person to cheat on their wife are often very unhappy people, who don't want anyone else to be happy. Ask yourself this question: "Why doesn't this person have someone special in their life?" Often because he can't be happy. Remember that if someone is willing to put your marriage at risk, they won't be with you very long when the novelty of your relationship disappears
Step 9. Take your bride with you
If you know that you will find yourself in a situation where you will not be able to avoid a person who is hitting on you, have your wife accompany you. Knowing that your mate is watching you will keep you straight, and should keep all unwanted admirers away as well.
Step 10. Get away from dangerous situations, whether it's your job or a company of friends
If you've tried to go out of your way to quench a person's interest in you - or even worse, if you've started to reciprocate that feeling, you'll have to walk away. as soon as possible from that situation. If it's a business situation, request a transfer for yourself or the other person involved, as your marriage is in danger. If it is a group of friends, stop seeing them when they go to the place where you continue to meet that person. Don't complain and remember, your goal is the diamond wedding and beyond. No job, no person, no self-esteem issues justify the ruin of your marriage. Remember: a few moments of pleasure aren't worth a lifetime of happiness with someone special.
Step 11. Stay home
Studies have shown that men who cheat on wives start spending time away from home, such as working late in the office, hanging out with friends, etc. Keep these habits - take work home with you, talk to your friends on Skype after work, and take your wife out for dinner instead of going out with colleagues.
Step 12. Make plans for the future with your wife and touch them up often
Make sure you don't just plan, but also put into practice the exciting and wonderful things you have designed. Shuffle the cards up a bit by organizing activities none of you have ever done before. Visit together places that excite you, do things together that scare you and make you feel alive and surprise your bride with gifts, outings and thoughts.
When you have children, make sure you continue to make your wife feel like the most important person. You can love your children unconditionally without giving up on love for your wife. There is a tendency in our child-obsessed culture (partly due to everyone's attachment to their own childhood) to confront the interests of children with life as a couple. This imbalance often ends up causing problems for everyone involved, including children. Try to be a role model for your children, so that they grow up seeing their parents love and respect each other, despite all the difficulties of parenting
Step 13. Communicate
If you feel that you and your wife are drifting apart, due to a lack of attention or participation, communicate these feelings. Your partner may think the same way, and remember that most relationships that end in infidelity just had communication flaws. People find support for their emotions when another person listens to them. You will have to be that person, and your wife will have to be that person for you. Don't seek support from someone else. Here is a practical example: you do all the work at home and your partner is not contributing. Your wife doesn't seem interested in you and you feel rejected when you seek attention. You feel this behavior is incorrect. Communicate your feelings before the problem can lead to infidelity.
Advice
- If people around you tell you about people who might interest you, make it clear that you have no feelings for them, because you are happily married and your wife meets all your needs. Thanks to this message, people will stop trying to influence you to make the wrong choice. Remember: don't hang out with people who don't respect the bond of marriage. It is possible that these people are traitors who fail to be faithful and hate people who are, and try to drag you to their level.
- Always remember the things that make you love your other half. Happy memories revive feelings.
- Remember that you love your wife for all the little things she does and that even though another person may seem better to you for a moment, your wife loves you equally for all the little things you do.
- You may meet people you find attractive and who will test your loyalty no matter how much you love your wife. Don't mistakenly believe that there is nothing wrong with flirting with these people. Before you know it, you'll need to sign divorce papers. You have an obligation to avoid these situations. Remember your oath.
- Don't use the phrase "half of marriages end in divorce" as an excuse. Remember that this is 50% of marriages, not people getting married. People who have already divorced are more likely to do so again by tweaking this statistic slightly. Make a commitment to be faithful to your wife and not to get divorced.
- Don't be angry if you find that another person finds your wife attractive, especially if she doesn't do anything to encourage her. Enjoy the fact that she has chosen to go home with you.
- If you happen to be unfaithful, it will be a serious blow to your marriage. You will have to decide whether to confess or take your dark secret to the grave. Many people prefer total honesty, but some feel that confessing is simply the easiest way to get rid of guilt. Whatever you decide, make sure it's the best choice for your wedding.
Warnings
- Treat your wife as you would like to be treated.
- Suspicions and doubts in a spouse's mind will destroy trust and loyalty. Avoid generating them at all costs and avoid situations that can create them.
- Don't forget that a happy marriage takes work. If you approach a wedding with completely rosy thoughts, you should definitely consider the facts of your small differences and whether they are acceptable in the long run. You will need to be willing to DO TOGETHER what is necessary to keep your marriage happy.
- Deal with the things that don't work in a relationship before they become insurmountable obstacles. Avoid being condescending, rude, or inconsistent in the thoughts and words you use when talking to and about your spouse. If you start experiencing a problem, try to fix it as soon as possible.
- Communicating an infidelity you have committed in the past to your wife poses a great risk to your marriage. This information can also cause your wife a lot of pain, traumatize her, and leave her with trust issues that she may never be able to overcome whether she decides to leave you or not. Consider whether the solution of telling your wife the truth is the right one - if you're just doing it to get over the guilt about cheating, think again. If the betrayal has long since passed and you have been faithful since, but you still feel guilty and feel you need to tell your wife, you will need to decide whether relieving your burden justifies the trauma that will affect your wife. In some cases, the price that a person who cheats on his wife has to pay is having to endure the guilt forever forever.
