Getting your marriage back on track takes time, and you need to learn to respect your spouse. It is an undertaking that requires effort on both sides. If you are looking for help saving your marriage, consider the following tips.
Steps
Step 1. Sit down with your spouse and give yourself some rules
If you or your spouse are having problems in your marriage, but you both want to make it work, set some rules to help you manage conflicts. Often, it is during these times of conflict that couples begin to ruin their relationship. If you are determined to make it work, you will need to be ready and willing to find solutions that will help you improve some negative aspects of your life as a couple.
Step 2. Don't be stubborn about always wanting to be right when arguing with your spouse
Ask yourself if it is really important to have won at any cost during a fight. If you feel that proving that you are right will bring some benefit to your relationship, then try to explain yourself in a calm and peaceful way. If proving that you are right will only benefit you personally and would cause further tension between you, consider letting go and try to fix the problem instead.
Step 3. Take a moment to calm down if you feel that you are warming up
If you find that every time you argue you always end up arguing in a heated way, take a time-out. Decide together how to apply this rule so that neither of you feels ignored or neglected. For example, try to determine the length of the time-out. If you usually manage to compromise when you calm down, then this ploy should help you keep your differences in check.
Step 4. Be honest about your emotions
You and your spouse must agree in wanting to be honest with each other about your emotions. Therefore, if you are angry about something, you need to be able to open up to your spouse, explaining the situation and why you felt that way. For his part, your spouse must recognize the existence of these emotions and promise to take them into account. Your spouse may or may not agree about your justification, but either way, you need to find a solution that satisfies both of you.
Step 5. Never point your finger
When arguing, avoid blaming the other person or putting words in their mouth. Use "we" instead of "you" so your spouse won't feel attacked or criticized. For example: "We should make a greater effort and try to be more understanding with each other." It is more acceptable than "You should make a greater effort to be more understanding with me."
Step 6. Focus on improving yourself rather than how to force your spouse to change
Think about how to improve your marriage and try to change to achieve that result. Just as your spouse cannot force you to change, neither can you force him to change. If one of you admits that the other has taken steps to improve the quality of your marriage, he will probably try to improve.
Step 7. Avoid bringing up the past
If there is a conflict in your past that you have never been able to resolve, resolve it and then put it on the back burner. If you and your spouse cannot forgive each other for past hurts, you will never be able to move forward in your marriage.
Step 8. If you want to continue the marriage, try to accept your spouse as he is
You can't change his way of being. If you decide to stay together, then you need to understand that this is the person you are happy to be with, and you need to stop complaining. Take both the good and the bad, and treat the bad as bad habits. Infidelity and domestic violence are exceptions to this rule.
Step 9. Go on dating
You and your spouse have likely changed over the years, so try to get to know each other again. Dating dates will also give you the opportunity to remember why you fell in love in the first place. Consider a hobby you can enjoy together, such as dancing, bowling, or taking cooking classes.
