There are many reasons why a person has no children, including the absence of a desire for motherhood or fatherhood, the partner's objection, or the biological inability to reproduce. In the last two cases, that is, if it is not a voluntary personal choice, it is quite normal to suffer by leading a life without children. However, you can learn to handle the situation and move on.
Steps
Step 1. Express your feelings
Recognize your emotions, however varied they are, and try to express them. The way to manifest them is a personal choice: you could cry, scream, laugh, sing, write, speak or communicate them in other forms.
Step 2. Assess your situation as it is
It is important to face reality with a practical approach. If you know you can't have children, you need to accept the situation before moving on. Adopt the following behaviors in your daily life:
- Instead of thinking about what your life would be or should be like, focus on what you have and still can achieve.
- Imagine your childless future. Design it excluding the idea of motherhood or fatherhood. Imagine reaching your goals and being satisfied with them.
- Remove the most painful memories from sight. If you keep any baby clothes that you bought when you hoped to have them, put them away or give them away.
Step 3. Put everything in perspective
Remember that we are all forced to face the adversities of life, whether it be death, illness or the inability to have children. As you relate to others on this plane, you will feel less alone.
Step 4. Take care of your health
Get enough sleep and eat well. If you neglect yourself physically, the acceptance process will be more complicated.
Step 5. Learn about the stages of pain
Not having children is comparable to any other type of severe and painful loss. By knowing how this pain manifests, you will prepare yourself to manage it.
- Denial: You are incredulous and reluctant to accept the reality of not having children.
- Despair: This is the easiest phase to spot and is characterized by general symptoms of depression.
- Remorse: You start wondering why you don't have children or blame yourself for their absence, feeling unnecessarily guilty.
- Anger: associated with pain is not necessarily directed at someone or something, rather, at the situation itself.
- Fear: When you realize the impossibility of having children, panic or anxiety can take over.
- Physical pain: the somatization of pain involves insomnia, altered sense of appetite, headache, unexplained muscle aches, nausea and fatigue.
Step 6. Seek emotional support
In order to deal with the situation, it is extremely important to receive outside help. You can find it in several ways:
- Mental health professionals: Consult a psychologist who can put you at ease in case of emotions and moods that are difficult to manage.
- Support groups: Search the Internet for a support group. Contact with other people who have the same experience as you can be of great comfort.
- Religious associations: If you attend a church or other place of worship, you can get free emotional and / or psychological support from someone you already know and trust.
- Family and friends: sharing your feelings with people who love you will help you cope with the situation.
Step 7. If you like children, consider other ways to surround yourself with them
You don't necessarily have to be a parent to look after them and watch them grow.
- Help out with friends and family. Babysit your best friend's child or go to your brother's house to play and look after his children. They will have fun in your company and the adults will be grateful for the help you offer them.
- Consider volunteering in a place where you can connect with children. Try offering care to young hospital patients, teaching disadvantaged children, joining a church-run aid program, talking about your work in schools, or caring for children with disabilities.
- Look for a job where you can interact with children.
Step 8. Address the problem according to the situation
Consider the cause that prevents you from having children to get used to the idea of not being able to bring them into the world.
- If you want children, but your partner doesn't want them, their decision can put a strain on your relationship. In this case, it is not easy to put aside the grudge against him. You will need to rebuild your relationship after you have learned to deal with the situation. Try couples therapy to overcome your problems.
- Communicate openly with your partner. Tell him that it is very important to you to have children and ask him why he doesn't want them, then listen carefully. Try to find a compromise: Would she agree if you became a parent in five years? Do you prefer to wait and discuss it again in a few years? Find a solution that satisfies both of you.
- If you can't have children due to infertility problems, don't blame yourself or the person you love. Give yourself a break to recover physically and emotionally from any medical treatments you may have undergone to increase fertility, and realize that the stress from the therapies is likely preventing you from accepting the situation.
Step 9. Take your time
Not being able to procreate does not imply the loss of happiness. Hang out with the people you love, take a hot bath, pursue your hobbies, and do the things you think are important. You don't need children to fully live your life.
Advice
If you have the means, consider adopting. The baby will not be yours from a genetic point of view, but this does not compromise the bond that will be created
Warnings
- If you are suffering from severe depression because you cannot have children, rely on psychotherapy to deal with the situation.
- If you want to divorce your husband / wife because you cannot have children, go to couples therapy right away.
