Self-confidence, a combination of self-efficacy and self-esteem, is an essential part of being human. Self-efficacy is that inner sense or belief that makes us feel capable of carrying out a variety of assignments and achieving our goals. Self-esteem is a similar feeling, but more connected to the belief that we are generally able to carry out our activities and that we deserve to live a happy life. Normally a self-confident person is able to appreciate himself, is not afraid to take risks in order to see his personal and professional goals realized and has positive thoughts about the future. Conversely, a person with low self-confidence believes that achieving their goals is unlikely and tends to have a negative outlook on themselves and their desires. The good news is that self-confidence is a quality that you can develop on your own.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Nurturing a Positive Attitude
Step 1. Identify your negative thoughts
Your negative thoughts might be similar to: "I can't do it", "I will definitely fail", "Nobody wants to hear what I have to say". This useless and pessimistic inner voice will prevent you from developing good self-esteem and proper self-confidence.
Step 2. Turn negative thoughts into positive ones
As you notice the arrival of a negative thought, rephrase it in positive terms. For example, try giving it the form of a positive affirmation, such as: "I'm going to do my best to do it", "If I work hard, I can do it" or "People will listen to me." Start gradually, making a few positive thoughts every day.
Step 3. Do not allow negative thoughts to be more frequent than positive ones
Your long-term goal is to expand the "brain space" destined for positivity, at the expense of that dedicated to unfavorable thoughts. The better you are able to positively counteract negative thoughts about yourself, the more natural the related process will become.
Step 4. Create a positive support network
Connect with your loved ones, friends or family, to be able to maintain a constructive perspective. For the same reason, stay away from toxic people or activities, which make you feel bad about yourself.
- Sometimes, by constantly criticizing ourselves and addressing us continually negative comments, even people we call friends can be able to make us feel bad about ourselves.
- Even a well-meaning family member who decides to have their say about what you "should" or "shouldn't" do can be a dangerous weapon capable of destroying your self-confidence.
- By learning to acquire and maintain a positive attitude and taking the necessary steps towards achieving your goals, you will sharpen your ability to recognize these "goodies". At this point, you will have to do everything possible to limit their attendance so as to protect the trust gained.
- Stop and think and see which people are really able to support you, cheer you up and make you feel good. Make a commitment to spend more time with them.
Step 5. Stay away from "negative reminders"
Don't waste your time on things that have made you feel bad about yourself in the past. They could be memories of bygone times, clothes you no longer enter or places that no longer suit your new life choices and your desire to have more confidence in yourself. While sometimes it may not be possible to get away from every negative source, it will be important to make a commitment to stop being affected by them. Your safety will benefit greatly.
Take the time to stop and acknowledge all the things that are bringing you down; they could include mean friends, a career that has stopped stimulating you, or an often unbearable relationship situation
Step 6. Identify your talents
Each person has special abilities - stop and find out what you are good at and then focus on your own talents. Give yourself permission to feel proud of it. Make an effort to express your personality, for example through art, music, writing or dancing. Find out what you enjoy doing and nurture those talents that go hand in hand with your interests.
- Having different interests and hobbies will not only allow you to have more confidence in yourself; It will also give you the chance to meet new friends who share the same passions as you.
- In addition to having a therapeutic effect, dedicating yourself to your passions will allow you to feel unique and fulfilled, further improving your self-confidence.
Step 7. Be proud of yourself
In addition to feeling proud of your talents and abilities, you should also focus on those aspects that make your personality unique. It could be about your sense of humor, your strong compassion, your listening skills, or your being able to resist stress. You may feel that there is nothing in your personality that is worth admiring, but as you look deeply, you will find that you are filled with admirable qualities. Write them down so you can focus on them better.
Step 8. Accept compliments with gratitude
Many of those who have low self-esteem struggle to accept the praise of others because they assume that they have been expressed in error or that they are false. So stop and notice how you react to compliments and if you find that you roll your eyes while saying "Yes, of course", or tend to minimize or ignore them, make a commitment to change your behavior.
- Take the words seriously and respond positively (thanking and smiling is a great choice). Show your appreciation for the person who complimented you and make an effort to get to the point where you can accept it sincerely.
- Add the compliment received to your list of positive qualities and use it to strengthen your self-confidence.
Step 9. Look in the mirror and smile
Studies relating to the "facial feedback hypothesis" suggest that facial expressions may actually urge the brain to register or intensify certain emotions. Therefore, looking at yourself in the mirror every day with a smile will contribute to feeling happier and, in the long run, you will gain more confidence in yourself. You will also learn to accept and appreciate your physical appearance.
In addition to feeling happier, smiling will give you a positive response from your interlocutors, and such favorable feedback will further increase your self-confidence
Part 2 of 4: Managing Emotions
Step 1. Familiarize yourself with fear
You may mistakenly think that self-confident people are never afraid. This is a false belief: fear is in fact a sign of growth and change. Your fears might be about speaking in public, introducing yourself to a stranger, or asking your boss for a raise.
- Being able to face your fears allows you to gain more self-confidence and enjoy immediate emotional benefits!
- Imagine a child who is learning to walk. A myriad of new possibilities await him, but he is fearful because he is afraid of falling as he takes his first steps. Once you get over your fears, however, as you start walking, a huge smile will appear on your face! Do the same, put your fears aside!
Step 2. Be patient with yourself
Sometimes to be able to move forward it is necessary to take a step back. Gaining more confidence in yourself is not a quick process. Not always by experimenting with something new you will be able to reach the goal you have set for yourself. If so, do what you can to learn from your mistakes and the situation. Often failing at the first try is an opportunity to get to know each other better. Self-confidence is a feeling that needs to be developed and nurtured, little by little.
For example, you may have asked for a raise and your boss may have refused it. What can you learn from this fact? Reflect on the steps you have taken, could you have behaved differently?
Step 3. Make an effort to find the right balance
As with everything else in life, developing self-confidence involves being able to maintain a certain balance. Low confidence can prevent you from achieving your goals and feeling good about yourself. On the other hand, however, it is important to be realistic and not risk underestimating the time and effort required to achieve the desired success.
Step 4. Stop comparing yourself to others
If you want to gain more self-confidence, you need to work to improve your life without trying to make it look like that of relatives and acquaintances, or that of celebrities you see on television. It is important that you recognize that there will always be someone in the world more attractive, bright or wealthy than you, just as there will always be someone less charming, intelligent and affluent. All this is irrelevant, what matters is to commit yourself to constantly progress to achieve your goals and make your dreams come true.
- Your lack of confidence could stem from the belief that anyone is better than you. But remember, it's only your standards that make you determine if you are happy or not. If you have no idea what your criteria are, it will be good to stop and dedicate some time to inner research before moving on.
- It is good to note that research has found that time spent on social media often encourages users to compare themselves to others. But people tend to publish only their own triumphs, rather than the realities of their own lives, which is why their paths almost always appear happier and more interesting than ours. The truth is most likely quite different - everyone's life is full of ups and downs.
Step 5. Recognize your insecurities
What does the voice that speaks in the background in your mind say? What makes you uncomfortable or embarrassed? The causes could be different, from acne to regrets, to schoolmates to a negative or traumatic experience from the past. Whatever things are that make you feel undeserving, embarrassed or inferior, identify them, name them and put them in writing. Once transcribed, you can burn or tear your fears, burning or tearing the paper, to begin to overcome them and feel better.
The purpose of this exercise is not to bring you down. The real goal is to make you aware of the problems you are facing and to put yourself in a position to be able to overcome them
Step 6. Don't be hindered by mistakes made
Remember that no one is perfect: even the person who appears most self-confident is sometimes fearful or doubtful. In some moments of life we have the feeling that we are missing something. The reality is that life is full of obstacles to overcome and that insecurities often come and go, based on where we are, the people around us and our mood and our emotions of the moment. In other words, they are not constant. If you've made a mistake, the best thing you can do is admit it, apologize, and make sure you don't repeat it in the future.
Don't let one misstep convince you that you don't have the qualities necessary to make your dreams come true. Maybe your last romantic relationship ended because you haven't shown yourself to be an attentive partner, but that doesn't mean you aren't able to change your behavior and find love in the future
Step 7. Don't seek perfectionism
Perfectionism paralyzes you and prevents you from achieving your goals. Believing that everything must be done perfectly almost always means preventing us from being able to be happy in the present moment, appreciating ourselves and the circumstances. Instead of expecting every nuance to be close to perfection, learn to feel proud of a job well done. Pursuing perfectionism can only hinder your willingness to gain more confidence in yourself.
Step 8. Be grateful
Often the feeling of not having enough of something, for example luck, money, material objects or emotional validation, is the basis of our insecurity and our lack of trust. Recognizing and appreciating your blessings will help you fight feelings of incompleteness and dissatisfaction. Finding that inner peace that comes with gratitude will do wonders in terms of your self-confidence. Take the time to stop and think and pause to think about all the wonderful things you own, from friends to health.
Sit down and make a gratitude list, listing all the things you feel grateful for. Reread it at least once a week, making a commitment to add more entries. Your mental state will be enhanced and you will feel more positive
Part 3 of 4: Take care of yourself
Step 1. Take care of yourself
To this end, it will be necessary to take several small steps. First, you will need to take care of your appearance, personal hygiene and health, for example by showering regularly, brushing your teeth in the morning and evening and eating healthy and tasty food. Taking care of yourself also means being able to carve out some personal time, even when you are very busy and others seem to want to monopolize all your time.
- Even if you don't notice it, when you take care of yourself you are telling your body and mind that they deserve the time and attention you are giving them.
- By starting to believe in yourself, you are on your way to becoming more confident.
Step 2. Take care of your appearance
You don't have to look like Brad Pitt to start gaining more self-confidence. If you want to feel better about your appearance and your person, take care of your personal care and hygiene on a daily basis, wear clothes that highlight your strengths and do not allow the busy daily routine to prevent you from finding the necessary time to look your best. While looks and looks are merely superficial things and often not able to make you feel more confident, making an effort to take care of them will let yourself know that you deserve all that special care.
Step 3. Exercise regularly
Exercise must be an integral part of your self-care. Some will decide that a simple walk outdoors is their best workout, while others will not be satisfied until they have covered 50 miles on the bike. Start where you are now, exercise doesn't have to be complicated.
Many studies show that exercise is essential to gain a positive outlook on life, and as you well know, a positive attitude leads to greater self-confidence
Step 4. Get quality sleep
Sleeping 7-9 hours each night can help you feel and look your best. As a result of a good sleep you will feel more positive and energetic. Getting enough sleep also allows you to moderate your emotions and overcome stress more effectively.
Part 4 of 4: Set yourself goals and take risks
Step 1. Set small, achievable goals
Often people set unrealistic and unattainable goals and therefore end up feeling overwhelmed or afraid of even making an attempt to reach them. Such a situation is a real curse, in terms of self-confidence.
- Gradually modify the small goals in order to make the main one achievable.
- Imagine that you want to run a marathon, but fear that you will not be able to make it. Leaving home on the first day of training with the aim of running 42 kilometers is of no use. Start where you are: if you've never run before, commit to running only 1 or 2 kilometers. If, on the other hand, you are already able to run 10, set yourself the goal of running 12.
- For example, if your desk is completely cluttered, the idea of tidying it up in one fell swoop might worry you. Then start removing just the books and putting them back on the shelf. Even simply separating documents neatly and classifying them later will get you closer to the goal of having a clean and organized desk.
Step 2. Embrace the unknown
People with low self-confidence fear that they will inevitably fail when faced with an unpredictable situation. Well, the time has come to stop doubting yourself and try something new, different and unknown. Whether you are visiting a foreign country with friends or allowing someone to arrange a blind date for you, getting into the habit of welcoming what you don't know can help you feel better about yourself and more in control of your destiny or, in some cases, to accept that they cannot control the situation. By discovering that you are able to emerge victorious from an unpredictable condition, you will feel your self-confidence increase considerably.
Choose to surround yourself with spontaneous and adventurous people. Soon you will find yourself facing something unexpected and feeling better about yourself for doing it
Step 3. Address areas that need improvement
There may be some aspects of yourself that you don't like and that unfortunately you can't do anything to change, for example your height or the diameter of your hair. On the other hand, however, with the right determination and a little hard work, you can certainly intervene effectively on many of what you consider to be your weaknesses.
- Whether you want to become more outgoing or get better grades in school, you can establish an action plan that will help you achieve your goal. Even if you don't become the friendliest kid in school or a model student, simply developing an action plan that allows you to make improvements will help you become more confident.
- Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't try to change every single aspect of yourself. Start with just one or two aspects of yourself and progress gradually.
- Writing down your progress in a journal can be really helpful. In doing so you will be able to analyze the effectiveness of your action plan and will be encouraged to feel proud of the steps taken so far.
Step 4. Be of help to others
Being kind to the people around you and knowing that you are making a difference in someone else's life (just being nice to the person serving you coffee at the coffee shop) will help you feel a positive force in the world, improving accordingly. your confidence in yourself. Try to help others regularly, for example by volunteering once a week at your neighborhood library or by supporting your little sister in her attempt to learn to read. Others will not be the only ones to benefit from your actions: seeing that you have a lot to offer you will be the first to feel your self-confidence increase.
To feel the benefit of offering your help to others, it is not necessary to partner with a charity. Sometimes it is the people closest to us, such as friends or parents, who need help most
Advice
- Don't be afraid to push yourself beyond your mental and physical limits. With the right effort you will be able to see that things often turn out to be easier than expected, and you will learn to hone your skills. Get out of your comfort zone.
- Thanks to the Best Me self-hypnosis technique you can further increase your self-confidence and reduce stress, experiencing the joys of reaching a long-term goal in advance.
- Don't let yourself be blocked by mistakes and stop ruminating on things that have gone wrong. Seen in the right perspective, troubles and mistakes can turn out to be healthy experiences that give you the opportunity to grow and improve yourself. There is nothing better than succeeding in something in which in the past we have proven ourselves denied.
