Having self-confidence can increase success and happiness in life. Some research has found that nurturing self-esteem, thoughts, feelings and beliefs about yourself in a healthy way can reduce the risk of falling into depression. Conversely, a lack of self-confidence can have negative effects on mental health, relationships, as well as studies and life in general. Fortunately, there are various ways to find it in the most common or particular situations, for example within a love relationship or at work.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Gain Self Confidence
Step 1. Take stock of yourself
If your lack of confidence is chronic, it will probably be very easy for you to catalog the mistakes and failures you have made, but can you recognize your positives too? For many people it is much more challenging. Some research has found that self-esteem is composed of two cognitive factors: the good memories you have of yourself and your behavior, and self-assessment, which is how positively you value your current attitudes and behaviors. Make a list that encompasses everything you appreciate about yourself - the qualities and skills that express who you are.
- It can be helpful to sit down and physically write a list as things come to mind. Get a notepad or diary and set a timer for 20-30 minutes. The diary solution is a great way to keep an open and ongoing conversation with yourself about who you are and who you want to be. It can stimulate you to self-reflect and discover yourself, helping you to grasp aspects that you have never actually realized.
- Also think about some sides you want to improve, like assertiveness or self-confidence. Reflect not only on how you feel, but on why you feel the way you do. Begin to understand the truest part of you, giving it the opportunity to express itself. If you are not as good at managing some things as you are at others - for example, you feel confident and capable until other people throw themselves into a situation, such as a romantic relationship or work context - the first step towards transformation is to recognize them all. the facets of your personality.
Step 2. Examine your life and accomplishments
You probably won't have a high regard for everything you've accomplished so far. Take the time to reflect and look back, analyzing your past merits, from the great ones to the small ones, which is what you have done that you feel proud of. In this way, you will value your contribution in the world and the difference you make in people's lives and in the context that surrounds you, and ultimately you will be able to gain confidence in yourself. Some studies have shown that the structuring of one's self-esteem rests on a solid pattern made up of positive memories about one's achievements and one's abilities. If you begin to accept that you have been a bright, optimistic and confident person in the past, it will be easier to believe that you can still surprise and do amazing things.
- In these moments, compile a list of all your accomplishments. Keep in mind to include everything from the biggest milestones to the little everyday things. You can also insert that you learned to drive, enrolled in university, went to live alone, made an important friendship, you know how to cook imaginative dishes, you have obtained a degree or a diploma, you have obtained your first "true" "work and so on … the possibilities are endless! Review the list periodically to update it. You will see that you have so many things to be proud of.
- Check out old photos, albums, yearbooks, travel memories or even consider making a collage of your life and what you have achieved to date.
Step 3. Focus on positive thoughts and beliefs
Instead of getting bogged down in negative reflections, try to focus on positive, encouraging, and constructive considerations. Remember that you are a special and one-of-a-kind person who deserves love and respect from others and from yourself. Try these strategies:
- Use phrases that denote a confident attitude. Be optimistic and avoid pessimistic "self-prophecies". If you expect things to go wrong, it is very likely that such an event will occur. For example, if you anticipate that you will give a bad speech, your fears may materialize. Instead, be positive. Tell yourself, "Even though it will be difficult, I can handle my speech."
- Focus on the verb "power" and avoid "should". Sentences that contain the verb "must" imply that there is something you should be doing (but you are not actually doing) and, therefore, this idea could put you under pressure if you fail to meet its expectations. Instead, focus on what you are capable of.
- Cheer for yourself. Encourage yourself positively and value the good things you accomplish. For example, you may notice that, despite not exercising as well as you would like, you are going to the gym one more day a week. By giving yourself due credit, you can make positive changes. For example: "My speech may not have been perfect, but colleagues asked questions and got involved - that means I've achieved my goal." Over time, this will help you restructure your thinking, making you more confident.
Step 4. Set goals and expectations
Write a list of what you want to accomplish and make a point of achieving those goals. For example, you might decide to volunteer more, pursue a new hobby, or spend time with friends. Make sure you have realistic goals and expectations. If you commit yourself to impossible things, your self-confidence will fail, it will not tend to improve.
- For example, don't suddenly decide that at the age of 35 your dream is to play tennis at a competitive level or to become the principal dancer of a famous theater - these are certainly not realistic ambitions. Your self-confidence will almost certainly take a hit once you realize how far and unattainable such a goal is.
- Instead, set more realistic goals, such as deciding to improve in math, learn to play the guitar, or become good at a new sport. By setting achievable goals, towards which you can consciously and constantly commit yourself, you will be able to stop the vortex of negative thoughts that decrease self-confidence. You will see that it will be possible to set goals and achieve them with excellent results and you will feel a sense of fulfillment.
- You can also set goals that enhance your skills. For example, if you want to be aware of what's going on in the world, you might decide to read the newspaper every day for a month. Or, let's say you intend to perfect yourself by learning the skills it takes to fix your bike and, therefore, you decide to tune it yourself. By achieving results in areas that make you feel powerful and capable, you will be able to feel better about yourself overall.
Step 5. Pretend until it comes true
Trust doesn't come overnight, but now that you know who you are and what you want, you can mask your insecurity until it turns into a more confident attitude. Just being more confident will increase your sense of mastery as you begin to see how it affects the people around you.
- Use body language to show confidence. Whether you are sitting or standing, stand with your back straight. Advance with large, casual steps. Always maintain eye contact when meeting people and, if you are nervous, smile instead of looking away.
- Smile more. Studies have shown that the very act of smiling can improve mood and make us feel more positive.
- Talk more (and not less) by showing more confidence in yourself. It is a warning especially for women, who tend to speak less and less assertively in social contexts than men. Make an effort to make your voice heard when you are among the people. Your opinion matters and can add value to conversations. When you chat, speak clearly and articulate the words well; do not mutter and do not cover your mouth with your hands or fingers.
Step 6. Dare
Remember that you cannot control what people think, feel or do, only yourself. Instead of fearing uncertainties and lack of control, try to accept this state of affairs. Accept that the world around you is a vast, unsecured place and try your luck to do something new. If you are enterprising, you will be surprised at how often you can succeed - as the old saying goes, "luck favors the bold" - and if you fail, you will see that life goes on just the same. However you put it, perhaps it can be said that taking some risks and having new experiences is the best way to rebuild the lost trust.
- Hook up with someone on the bus, present a photo or story to be posted, or even invite the person you're secretly infatuated with out. Choose something that is outside your comfort zone and go head first, knowing that your life will go on regardless of the outcome.
- Try doing something new - you may find that you have skills or abilities you didn't know you had. Maybe, if you apply yourself to track running, you have the opportunity to find that you are really good at running long distances - something you never thought about before that could help boost your self-esteem.
- Consider artistic pursuits such as painting, music, poetry, and dance. They often help people learn to express themselves and gain a sense of "mastery" in a certain area or skill. Many centers offer free or reasonably priced courses.
Step 7. Help someone
Some research has shown that people who volunteer tend to feel happier and have higher self-esteem. It may seem paradoxical that, in order to feel better about yourself, you need to help someone else, but science argues instead that what it feels like to establish social relationships while volunteering or helping others makes us feel more positive about it. to ourselves.
There are endless possibilities to help others in the world. Volunteer at a retirement home or homeless shelter. Join the parish in your neighborhood to serve the sick or the poor. Donate your time and service at an animal shelter. Try to be like a big brother or sister to anyone. Clean up a park at an event organized by your community
Step 8. Take care of yourself
Taking time for yourself can also help improve your overall self-esteem. The healthier you are in body and mind, the better chance you will have of feeling satisfied with who you are. It means doing your best to be healthy, in the way that suits you best. Here are some suggestions:
- Eat at least three times a day, choosing healthy, nutrient-rich foods, such as whole grains, lean proteins (including white meats and fish), and fresh vegetables, to keep you energetic and well-fed. Drink water to hydrate your body.
- Avoid industrially produced, sugary, and caffeinated foods and / or beverages. They can affect your mood and you should avoid them if your mood swings or negative emotions are bothering you.
- Work out. Various researches have shown that exercise can give a strong boost to self-esteem, because physical activity causes the body to produce the "chemicals of happiness", or endorphins. This feeling of euphoria can be accompanied by a greater charge of positivity and energy. Try to train intensely at least 30 minutes three times a week. At a minimum, take the time to walk briskly every day.
- Reduce your stress. Plan to reduce the stress of everyday life by finding time to relax and do what you like best. Meditate, take a yoga class, garden, or do any activity that makes you feel calm and positive. Understand that stress, at times, makes it easier for people to have overwhelming reactions or to be dominated by negative feelings.
Step 9. Give up the idea of being perfect
Perfection is an artificial concept created and spread in society and by the mass media that does a disservice to most of us, because it suggests that perfection is attainable and that, therefore, the problem lies simply in us, as we do not correspond to certain standards. Nobody is perfect - make this phrase your new mantra. You will never be able, like no one else, to have a perfect life, a perfect body, a perfect family, a perfect job and so on.
- Focus on your attempts rather than the desire to be perfect. If you don't try something because you're afraid you won't get it right, then you have no hope of succeeding. If you've never tried joining a basketball team due to your lack of confidence, it's guaranteed you'll never be a part of it. Don't be held back by the idea of being perfect.
- Accept that you are a human being and that humans are fundamentally imperfect and make mistakes. In reality, it is our imperfections that make us people and allow us to grow and improve. Maybe you didn't go to the best universities, or you got a job rejection… Instead of blaming yourself for the mistakes you've made, consider them as opportunities to learn and grow, and as something you can correct in the future. You may realize that you should think more about training yourself, or that you may want to learn some skills to put to use during job interviews. Forgive yourself and move on. It's not easy, but it's the key to not becoming a victim of this spiral of self-pity and low self-esteem.
Step 10. Be persistent
Gaining self-confidence takes time, since any surge of confidence you feel is only temporary. Continue to be confident and daring to gain a real sense of self-confidence.
Remember that self-confidence is not a goal to be achieved, but a process. Throughout your life you will have to work constantly to build and restructure your self-esteem as life puts unexpected setbacks and obstacles in your path. You will be constantly evolving, and so will your self-confidence
Method 2 of 3: Regain Trust in Love
Step 1. Take care of yourself
The only way to trust relationships is to first believe in yourself. Follow the steps in the first part of the article and try to gradually gain confidence. If you believe in what you are worth, you are well on your way to having more confidence in relationships. Also, try to spend time alone with yourself in a constructive way and find satisfaction and fulfillment in this: read a book, take a walk or exercise. You will be able to have a deeper contact with your inner part, but also with your desires, reflecting all this in your relationships with others.
- Remember: it is important to develop healthy self-esteem to be successful in romantic relationships. In a study of 287 young adults, researchers found that people with higher self-esteem - those who demonstrated confidence in their appearance and personality - were more likely to be successful in romantic relationships.
- If your confidence has recently taken a hit following a stormy relationship or breakup, take the time to recover. Many studies argue that divorce and separation can have negative effects on physical and mental health, causing severe states of stress and anxiety, but also an increased risk of developing problems related to alcohol abuse, diabetes and heart disease. It is not easy to move forward when a relationship ends, but it is possible to recover from a long-lasting relationship by taking the time to process it emotionally and move on.
Step 2. Reflect on your past
It is not possible to change what has been. However, we can change the way we look at the past, in its positive and negative aspects. Try to think about your old relationships and how they might have affected your current representation of things. This analysis will help you deal with your past stories without locking yourself in definitions.
For example, maybe your ex cheated on you. Rather than blaming yourself or endlessly dragging the burden of this relationship, think about how much such an experience has reduced your ability to trust other potential partners and the intensity with which you wait for something to happen. The mere fact of knowing how to identify the areas in which you have lost confidence will help you solve this difficulty
Step 3. Maintain the right perspective
Once you have suffered through a story and have found the time to regroup and recover, you will be even more able to give the right importance to things and see that every ending corresponds to a new beginning. Think of all the people around the world - this is an opportunity rather than something to be afraid of. There are so many fish in the sea!
You will also realize that your past stories are not a reflection of who you are, but of larger situations that involve other people and various factors (such as third party interference, long distance, incompatibility, etc.). Your love relationships don't represent who you are, but something you commit to. Even if things don't go your way and you can blame yourself in the moment, over time you will be able to downsize your vision and understand that there are so many valid reasons why a story didn't work out and that you are fundamentally not at fault
Step 4. Take some risks
Try something new to meet new people and gain self-confidence. Sign up for a free online dating site, or go out and meet other people at parties, events, classes, or shopping. Be confident and don't fear any rejection. You'll be surprised how easy it is to strike up a conversation with someone you just met.
- Many women fear approaching men, because that's not the traditional way their past relationships started. However, we are in the 21st century! If you are a woman who does not accept the idea of taking the initiative, do not. This is an opportunity that increases your confidence in love affairs; try to catch it and you might be surprised at the results! Remember that if you don't give it a try, you will never know how things might evolve.
- You don't need to go out with anyone or try anything. Rather, be selective. Enjoy the company and affection of people you find attractive and interesting, and remember that you still have a lot to offer in a relationship.
Step 5. Let your guard down
Don't pretend, showing others that you are a different person than you really are. Everyone is human and has weaknesses and flaws. Let them shine through in your interactions with people and remove all kinds of pretense. For example, if you like someone, do not artificially assume the role of the "difficult" one to conquer, who does not express their interest. Instead, expose yourself by communicating your enthusiasm for enjoying the company of those you like. Be true and genuine: letting your guard down is a sign of real self-confidence. In turn, this will help you be more open to connecting with people.
Also, learn to express what worries you and makes you insecure. When trying to deal with and combat insecurities that run into a relationship, you should always be honest with yourself first, and then with your partner. Honesty is truly the best policy! Define and communicate how you feel. Being open means being confident
Method 3 of 3: Regaining Trust at Work
Step 1. Look at the facts
When something bad happens in your professional life, it can be difficult to focus on other things, or on what happened before or on what is yet to happen. Anger, resentment and insecurity tend to take over. When it happens, try to take a step back and evaluate the situation trying not to get involved in emotionality. For example, if someone else has been promoted in your place, think about the facts, rather than dismissing the situation with elementary reasoning such as: "My boss hates me", or "I made a mistake, so it's my fault that I don't have got no promotion ". Instead, think about why the other person was deemed good for that job and how you can improve not to be overridden next time.
- Always keep as broad a view as possible. When someone at work seems to be abusive or contemptuous of you, instead of getting caught up in the heat of the moment, think about why they might be talking to you that way. Get away from the idea that it is due to something you have done, and consider things like stress and conceit.
- Also remember the facts about your past successes. For example, if you've recently been promoted or praised at work, remember this event and why you earned it. You will be able to strengthen your self-esteem without relying on any pre-packaged pep talk, but using your experiences and skills to motivate and instill confidence!
Step 2. Refocus on work
Sometimes workplace politics or interpersonal dramas can ruin self-confidence in the workplace. Maybe you've been reprimanded by a mean boss, downgraded, or have your hours (or salary) cut. Whatever happened, the best way to start again is to focus very precisely on the job: after all, that's why you were hired and what you are capable of within this context. Ignore the gossip and chatter, go about your homework and don't waste time. Not only will you show the company that you are a valuable asset, but you will also remind yourself of it.
If the humiliation or hardship you are facing at work is of an outrageous or illegal nature, keep a record of the incidents and contact the human resources department or outside authorities (as appropriate). You have the right to work without being harassed in any way by other staff members
Step 3. Commit to your professional development
Do what you can to work in areas where your performance is highest. Never lose sight of the fact that you possess important and useful strengths for the company and your career. Preparation can be essential when it comes to gaining confidence in your job. The more experienced you are in your tasks and their management, the more confidence you will have in your ability to perform your tasks well. As long as you stay focused, you will be able to make progress in your career and, as a result, significantly increase your confidence in the workplace. If you stay at the same level for too long and keep doing the same things over and over, you risk getting bored and feeling static. Instead, try to grow!
There are many free resources for professionals to use to learn how to grow in emerging sectors within their business. There are free online books and courses with which you can broaden your knowledge and learn various professional skills, such as management and teamwork. The human resources department should have free access to training and supplementary material and therefore could be a great place to start working on your professional development. Ultimately, you need to use the resources you have available to learn and grow. The mere act of evolving professionally can help you increase your self-confidence
Step 4. Learn new skills
Focus on skills. Instead of focusing on your personal needs: think about increasing skills that focus more on assignments than on yourself. Learn to acquire new skills, even if you are initially uncertain or fearful. Recognize your professional shortcomings and try to improve them. Fear is a formidable enemy, and the only way to get the better of it and gain confidence in the workplace is to engage in what you fear. This way you will also increase your resilience.
You may be nervous when giving a speech in a professional context. Work with your boss and colleagues to improve this skill in an encouraging, hostility-free environment. Once you manage to stay in a relationship without being unsettled by nervousness, you will gain confidence in this aspect of your job
Step 5. Be confident
It is one thing to feel safe, quite another to be full of oneself in the workplace. Consider your appearance, making sure you dress professionally (meaning your business is appropriate) and look elegant. These are quick gimmicks that can make you feel more confident, stronger, and ready to face the day.
- Also consider how you behave in meetings. Do you maintain eye contact and look attentive? Are you just sitting or trying to show your commitment by nodding and asking questions at the appropriate time? Strive to appear passionate and involved, and keep an open posture (e.g., don't cross your arms) to show others that you are confident and enthusiastic about your work.
- Always avoid apologizing, especially when you are not at fault, otherwise you will give the impression of being an insecure person who relies on the approval of others.
