Living with depression is hard enough without the feeling of having to keep it a secret. Keeping all of your emotions closed inside of you would be dangerous, as it will make you feel even more isolated from the rest of the world. Rather than trying to hide your depression, try to find a way to manage it that allows you to interact with other people and remain yourself. If you feel pressured by friends or family to keep everything inside you, it is very important to seek help from people who will allow you to express what you really feel.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Managing Depression Around Others
Step 1. Try to let those around you know what it means to live with depression
Anyone who has never experienced anything like this may not understand how serious the situation is. He'll tend to think it's easy to get out of it, you just have to really want to. However, if you take the time to help such people understand, they may become more understanding and supportive, or at least stop making comments like, "Smile!" or "Why can't you just be happy?" which just put pressure on you. Since you are talking about family members and other people close to you, it will be worth it to help them understand.
- In the past there was no open talk about depression, but things have definitely changed in recent years. It may help to give examples using the stories of famous people who have spoken openly about their fight against depression.
- You can also search for books and articles written from the perspective of depressed people, so that your loved ones get an idea of how you are feeling.
Step 2. Avoid hanging out with people who put pressure on you to behave like a happy person
If you've tried in vain to tell someone how you feel, don't force yourself to date that person. You won't want to see anyone, it's completely normal. If you need to temporarily (or permanently) detach yourself from people who seem to need to see you always lively at all costs, do so. It is important that you do not experience situations where you feel that there is something wrong with yourself.
- Spend more time with people who accept you as you are, and less time with people who don't even try to understand the situation.
- If it's someone you inevitably have to see often, try to limit the amount of time you'll have to spend together as much as possible. Plan the time you will spend together and make sure there is a well-defined end time. For example, you could have lunch together for 1 hour, and during that time you can try to keep the conversation on neutral topics. After that, do something nice for yourself in order to relax your mind.
Step 3. Don't force yourself to attend events where you should force yourself to show off a fake smile
You don't have to accept every invitation to go to dinner with a group of friends or to a party. If there are situations in which you feel that you would not be able to be yourself, you can decline the invitation without feeling wrong. Plan outings where you would feel comfortable. As you struggle with depression, you may find it more suitable for two to go out for coffee or outings with smaller groups of people than big events.
- If there is an event that you have to go to, such as a family member's wedding, try to stay there as little as possible, and leave for a pre-set time. When dealing with depression you have limited energy, so don't force yourself to party late into the night unless you want to.
- Don't turn to alcohol or drugs to help you cope with worldly events. Getting used to using these substances in order to endure worldly events could make you addicted to them.
Step 4. Always try to have an answer ready for when people ask you how you are doing
When you are depressed, such questions can be daunting, and answering will become a difficult task. Most people, when they ask, are just trying to make conversation. If you had a ready-made answer that seems sincere but at the same time not too heavy for the recipient, it might be easier for you to deal with all those short conversations that you have every day and that risk exhausting those who live with depression.
- Answer "Great!" it might make you feel like a liar, but maybe "Ok" or "Good" might be more correct representations of your state of mind. They are simple answers and neutral enough to avoid you having to say more about your situation.
- When you don't feel okay, another option is to dodge the question. Instead of answering, say, "How are you?" or start talking about another topic.
- Another option? Say exactly how you feel. If the person you're talking to starts to feel uncomfortable it's their problem, not yours. Even if you don't feel well, it's not your job to make others feel comfortable by pretending to be what you are not.
Step 5. Take a break from work if you feel you need it
If you are feeling so depressed that showing up for work is a burden and your productivity is also affected, it may be better to take a little break instead of pretending that everything is okay. It's common to want to hide your depression at work, since personal problems aren't exactly welcome topics of conversation in such contexts. However, suffering in silence could end up worsening your mental state and also lead to negative work consequences.
- If you feel that a little break is of no use in your case, try to speak to the human resources department to explain the situation you are facing. Many companies have policies to help employees who are dealing with such situations.
- If the one described in the previous point isn't a viable option, consider confiding in your boss or someone you trust. Having even just one co-worker who knows about your pain could make work a lot more tolerable than it would be by hiding your feelings all the time.
Part 2 of 3: Learning to Be Yourself
Step 1. Don't try to be what you are not
When dealing with depression, trying to change yourself or trying to be what you are not will only make you feel worse. Repressing your emotions could lead to suicidal thoughts. It is very important that you are able to fully accept yourself for who you are, including depression.
- Being depressed is nothing to be ashamed of. Depression can come and go over the course of a lifetime, and many people find themselves facing it at one time or another. You are not alone.
- This is not to say that you don't have to commit to seeking help to defeat her. You can accept depression and at the same time struggle to find ways to live with it and to improve your situation.
Step 2. Spend time with people who love you for who you are
It is very important to find people who are aware of what you are going through and who nevertheless accept you completely. Being depressed does not mean that there is something wrong with you, you will need to find people who understand it and see so much more in you than just depression. Trying to hide who you really are from the world takes a lot of energy, and it could make your condition even worse. When you are with people who care about you, you don't have to hide anything.
- There may be people who care about you but can't accept your depression. Some people are afraid of sadness. Your own parents may not be able to talk about it without blaming themselves or without trying to "fix" things. That's why it's so important to spend time with people who really understand you.
- Look for a brother, sister, or friend with whom you can truly be yourself. If you can't think of anyone, look for an online support group. Thanks to it you will be able to share your emotions with people who are going through something similar.
Step 3. Engage in activities that matter to you
If you can feel stimulated by doing things you enjoy, instead of forcing yourself to participate in activities that you would do without, you don't have to pretend to like it, it will come naturally. Is there an activity that comforts you or that temporarily distracts you from sad thoughts? See if you can spend more time doing what you love and spend less time on things that make you feel excluded or different from those around you.
- Maybe you love books or movies, and enjoy talking about them with other people who share your interests. The more time you spend doing what you love, the less time you have to pretend that you feel good in front of others.
- It might sound cliché, but volunteering can be a great way to exercise your talents and temporarily put your problems aside. It has been scientifically proven that volunteering helps you feel happier. See if you can find anything in volunteering that seems fulfilling to you based on your interests.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
There will be days when you will feel exhausted no matter what you have done, whether you have made an effort to be yourself, or have kept a fake smile for the sake of those around you. It is important to have some tricks up your sleeve to help you feel better. Taking care of your mind and body can help you deal with the pain that comes from being depressed when the rest of the world seems happy. Here are some things to try:
- Spend every day taking care of your body: eat vitamin-rich foods, drink lots of water, and exercise. Keeping your body in shape will help you cope with any situation that comes your way.
- Try to have some distractions you can rely on when you're having a bad day. It's okay to watch your favorite TV show or pamper yourself with your favorite dish to cheer you up.
Part 3 of 3: Seeking Help
Step 1. Trust the people you trust
Having some kind of support can be really helpful when dealing with depression. Talk to the people closest to you and tell them that you are depressed and are ready to ask for help. It will help you know who you can rely on when things get tough. It is important that some people in your life know what you are going through.
- Do you have a friend or family member who has dealt with depression? He might be a great person to talk to when you feel like no one understands what's happening to you. When you ask someone for help, they will usually do whatever they can to make you feel better.
- Even if you don't know anyone who has dealt with depression, tell people about your life that is more compassionate and understanding. Tell them how you feel, and ask for their support when you ask for help.
Step 2. Spend time with other people instead of isolating yourself
When you are depressed, it can be extremely difficult to get yourself to spend time with other people. You will have little energy, and it may get on your nerves to surround yourself with people who are not on the same page as you. That said, go ahead and do whatever it takes to maintain relationships with your loved ones and to engage people in your world. Spend time with others instead of always being alone. The more you isolate yourself from others, the more dangerous the depression becomes.
- If you are feeling particularly down, see if a friend or family member can come and spend some time with you. There will be no need to have an open heart conversation; just being together in the same room will help you.
- Human contact is extremely powerful. Make an appointment with a massage therapist if you haven't had enough physical contact with other people lately. Being touched releases endorphins and helps you connect more deeply with your body and the world around you.
Step 3. Get help from a counselor or therapist in your area
When the negative thoughts start to outweigh the positive ones, it's time to seek help from outside people. Talking about your problems with professionals like counselors or therapists will play a role when it comes to dealing with depression. Ask your acquaintances if they know anyone or look for contact details in the telephone directory or on the internet.
- Your primary care physician may recommend someone if you are looking for a therapist.
- It may take a few tries before you find someone you feel comfortable with. If you don't feel comfortable with a therapist or counselor, whether it's because you don't like their approach or for any other reason, try to make an appointment with someone else. Sooner or later you will find a suitable one, the important thing is not to give up.
Step 4. Talk to a psychiatrist to find out if there are any medications that might help you
Sometimes conversation-based therapies may not be enough to combat depression, especially if it is an intense condition that has persisted for a long time. Medicines may be the best answer, at least for now. If you would like to try antidepressants to see if they can make you feel better, make an appointment with a psychiatrist who will work to find the medications that best suit your needs.
- Keep in mind that antidepressants take about a month to make you feel better. They won't help you immediately, but you should gradually start to feel better.
- Medicines have different effects depending on the person taking them. The first ones that you will be prescribed may not return the results you were hoping for. Be prepared to work alongside your psychiatrist for several months before finding the ones that work best for you.
Step 5. If you have suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately
If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, or if you have hurt yourself, seek help immediately. Don't try to hide such thoughts from other people; they would not go away, they would just get worse. If you already have a therapist or counselor, call them immediately. If you don't have one, here are a few options you can try:
- Call the Samaritans Onlus anti-suicide center at the toll-free number 800 86 00 22 in a completely anonymous way 24 hours a day.
- Call the Telefono Amico suicide center at 199 284 284 from 10 to 24.
- Call the Veneto Business Suicide Center on the toll-free number 800 334 343.
- Search the phone book for a list of therapists in your area, and talk to them on the phone to make an appointment.
Step 6. Take emergency action if your suicidal thoughts don't go away
If you feel that the danger of harming yourself is imminent and talking to specialists does not help, you will need to prevent yourself from harming yourself. Call someone who can take you to the hospital, or go alone, and get taken into custody. There they will do everything they can to prevent you from hurting yourself until certain thoughts have passed to you.
- If you have no one to call and you can't get to the hospital on your own, call 911 or other emergency numbers in your area.
- Don't let the fear of telling the world that you are depressed prevent you from getting the help you need. Remember that there are a lot of people who live in similar situations, and that they are ready to help you as soon as you ask for a hand
