Emotional abuse is all about words and behaviors that demean you, lower your self-esteem levels, and make you feel inferior. Some examples of the forms in which it occurs are offense, humiliation (when you are insulted, embarrassed in public or made to feel constantly guilty), intimidation, isolation (when you are not allowed to see your friends and family), threats, denial (when you are ignored and not heard) and control of your finances. After you decide to leave, it's time to heal your wounds and move on. You can begin to recover and regain control of your life.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Finding Support
Step 1. Find a therapist
Ending an emotionally abused relationship and moving on can be extremely painful, so you may need support right away. Therapy is a great way to get support and could help you right away. When you are in therapy, you can express feelings, thoughts, fears and experiences. Maybe you have anxiety or stress problems - the therapist can help you process and cope with emotions and experiences.
- It may be advisable to consult a therapist who specializes in trauma or abuse.
- Sometimes it can be difficult to find affordable psychological help. If you have health insurance you can contact the insurance company to find out the benefits you are entitled to and the mental health professionals affiliated in the area where you live. Alternatively, you can take advantage of the employee assistance service of the company you work for, if available.
- Another option is women's shelters, which usually provide free psychological assistance or resources to access affordable psychological care.
- If you live not far from a university that has a faculty of psychology, you can look for master's or doctoral students willing to help you for free.
- If neither of these options is possible for you, try contacting religious institutions in the area, as clergy members can sometimes provide counseling.
- If you need immediate help, call the emergency services or go to the emergency room. You may be hospitalized for an internal evaluation.
Step 2. Surround yourself with people who care about you
At this time it is important to bring those who love you back into your life. Tell friends and family about your needs and let them take care of you. You may need a place to live, someone to talk to, or help finding a job. Don't hesitate to seek help and support.
It is possible that the abuser was able to isolate you from friends and family, so you may feel like you have no one left to help you. Come back and ask for their support. The answers you receive may surprise you
Step 3. Do group therapy
This way you will understand that you are not alone. By meeting other people who have been emotionally abused, you can overcome the feelings of shame, guilt and isolation you feel with the help of a loving and supportive environment. Especially if you felt isolated during the abusive relationship, finding yourself surrounded by others with your own experience can comfort you and make you feel stronger.
Group therapies are usually led by a trained psychologist or therapist. They will help you deal with negative thoughts and emotions and teach you coping strategies
Step 4. Join a support group
This type of group gathers people with the same background and allows them to support each other. A support group can give you a chance to share your story, support others, and feel supported. Participants give advice, receive advice and feel safe with each other.
A support group is often community run. This means that there is often no support or professional guidance within it, but reuniting with other people who have suffered emotional abuse can still bring benefits
Step 5. Exit the report
If you are still living with the person who abused you, or if you see them, it is important that you end the relationship right away. Continuing to date that person will also cause the abuse to continue. Get away with the help of friends, family or women's shelters.
Part 2 of 3: Getting rid of harmful emotions
Step 1. Cut all ties
Maybe you're in the mood for revenge or to show off how good you are now, or to somehow settle down with the person who abused you. However, to really leave that behind and close the chapter, it's best to cut ties with that person. If you live with it, move in as soon as possible. Avoid places where you might run into him / her during the healing process. It may sound drastic, but remember that that person has decided to constantly hurt you and you are no longer willing to take it.
- Delete that person's phone number, remove their profile from any social media and avoid any kind of contact.
- You may be forced to change door locks and phone numbers and get removed from phone books, or even get a restraining order if threats or harassment continue.
Step 2. Love yourself and treat yourself with kindness
In fact, love and kindness are important in overcoming harmful emotions. It can take some time, but you can make things better by taking care of yourself, talking to yourself in a positive way, and having compassion for yourself.
- Take care of yourself, for example by eating healthy foods, getting regular physical activity, getting enough rest and relaxing activities like meditation and yoga.
- Give yourself at least one compliment a day. You can look in the mirror and find something positive about your appearance, for example saying, "What a beautiful hair I have today!"
- One way to show compassion for yourself is to write a letter from a friend's perspective. Encourage yourself just like a friend would, saying for example: "I know how difficult this experience was, but I am proud to see that you are committed to recovering! You really show incredible strength, you are amazing!”.
Step 3. Overcome regrets
It is possible that you feel guilt or regret for "wasting" time in an abusive relationship, or for allowing them to disrespect you. Regret stings and is easy to nurture and keep alive, but you must understand that you cannot change the past. However strong, deep and painful the regret you feel may be, there comes a time when you have to accept reality and overcome the pain caused by regret, which only hinders you.
- Regrets keep him focused on the past. Stay in the present and commit to a positive future.
- Create a positive mantra or phrase to remind you to let go of regrets. Try something like, “Sometimes I make mistakes. I am the same capable, intelligent, good and lovable”.
Step 4. Free yourself from shame
The emotional abuse you suffered could now make you feel a sense of shame. You may not have the courage to tell others about your experience because you are afraid of being judged or you are afraid that they will stop appreciating you. Shame can lead you to think that there is something wrong with you or that you do not deserve the same things that others do: love, happiness and success. Shame can hurt you, make you feel inferior, and damage your self-confidence.
- If the person who abused you said “You are worth nothing, you are nobody, you will never be able to do anything in the world”, stop believing these lies right away. You are not inferior to anyone.
- Try changing the things he said to you into positive messages, such as: “You are kind, smart and sensitive. You have friends and family who love you and deserve to be happy”.
Step 5. Avoid blaming yourself
You may feel responsible for what happened, but remember that abusers choose to do so. That person can justify himself by saying that he has lost control, but abuse is a deliberate way of exercising power over someone else. Anyone who emotionally abused you did it by choice.
Recognize that the abuser is accountable for their actions. You have no responsibility for another's words and behavior
Step 6. Forgive
Forgive yourself for overcoming guilt or shame that comes from being in an abusive relationship. And when you feel ready, also forgive the person who committed the abuse and let them disappear from your life. Continuing to feel hate, bitterness, or anger only prolongs that person's control over your life. Choose to leave these negative emotions behind and erase that person's power over you. Forgiveness means embracing peace and well-being.
Forgiving does not mean pretending that the abuse you suffered didn't matter or that it didn't happen. It doesn't even mean letting that person "get away with it," or that you will immediately stop feeling anger or pain. It means letting go of the negative feelings you feel in favor of your personal freedom
Part 3 of 3: Claim Yourself
Step 1. Acknowledge your rights
You are not alone in the world, the abuse is not your fault and no one deserves to be abused in any way. An important step in recovering from abuse is recognizing that you have done nothing to deserve to be treated without respect. As a human being you have the right to be respected by everyone, whether they are strangers, relatives or partners.
Accept that every human being has the right to be treated with respect, to express their opinions, to change their minds and to be heard
Step 2. Make decisions on your own
A person who engages in emotional abuse often forces you to put their needs and wants above yours. To avoid conflicts and have a bit of harmony, it is possible that you may slowly muffle your voice and you may, therefore, find yourself not knowing what you want or who you are. Rediscover your inner voice. A great way to do this is to start making decisions on your own, learning not to doubt your choices.
- Making decisions can be scary at first, so start small and build your confidence. Make choices without major consequences, for example: "Do I want cherry or chocolate ice cream?".
- With simple decisions you gain self-confidence and you may begin to feel confident enough to be able to make more complex decisions.
- Try to create a system that helps you make difficult decisions. For example, you can use a pros and cons list.
Step 3. Rediscover your preferences
After experiencing emotional abuse, you may have lost touch with your preferences. Spend some time claiming yourself, reaffirming the things you like and the things you don't like. Dedicate yourself to things that bring you happiness and joy, things that you like, without worrying about pleasing anyone else.
For starters, you can go to a store where they sell candles and find out what perfumes you like. You can also cook or buy foods that only you like
Step 4. Accept your qualities
You may feel that your self-esteem has been destroyed by the emotionally abusive relationship. Take the time to recognize your qualities. Choose memories of yourself before the abuse began, remembering that you are always the same and that the qualities you had then are intact. Bring to mind the beauty that is still within you.
- Write a diary. Ask yourself, "What traits, qualities and positive characteristics do I like about myself?" Are you kind, generous, helpful and good to others? Are you good at taking care of pets, children or your family members? What do you like about yourself?
- Dwell on the things you can do well to build your confidence. Are you an excellent cook, a skilled athlete, a good craftsman, a renowned artist? Think about the fields in which you excel.
