Living with parents who emotionally abuse you is one of the hardest things for a teenager. First, you can find help from a friend, another family member, or the authorities. Plus, you can work to keep your parents away from them so they don't threaten your self-esteem. It is not easy when you realize that parents are not the source of love and warmth they should be, but the best thing in this case is to raise your head and make a plan to improve your life.
Steps
Step 1. Talk to someone you trust
It's hard to fight this battle alone. Find the courage to ask someone for help - a teacher, a relative, a friend's parent, or anyone you trust. Even if it's just a friend who can't do anything on a material level, it's important to let someone know that you are subject to such abuse. You will be able to get moral support, help getting out, or find a witness if your parents deny their behavior.
Step 2. Try to do what you can to prevent / avoid abuse or at least some of the worst attacks
If there are any red flags, try to remember them (things you say or do). If you recognize them, it will be easier to avoid them, until the frequency of abuse is reduced. Next, find a safe place in the house. Try to avoid those spaces where you happen to be mistreated the most. Use these places (e.g. your bedroom) as a safe haven. If your parents take it out on you wherever they are, find a place outside the home to stay: the library or a friend's house for example. If your parents allow you to go to someone's house, go after school and as often as you can. Not only may you find support, but you will also stay away from yours.
Step 3. Bite your tongue
When you are bombed do not respond, no matter how much you want to puke on them or return the "kindness". Trying to talk and reason with parents can work, but being bad in response will not help, on the contrary: it will make things much worse.
Step 4. Tell your parents how you feel
Go to your parents at a suitable time, when they are free and in a good mood. You can also choose neutral ground or a public place. Calmly tell them how bad it is that they constantly denigrate you. Since you have put your problem on the plate in a clear and calm way, the conversation will be of a mature kind. Better write down everything you want to say or give it a try first, to keep a cool head if they try to provoke or mislead you. Remember that in this case you could be laying the groundwork for a worsening of abusive behavior, especially if your parents are at a point where they are unable to reason and understand how to improve it.
Step 5. Try to move forward in a positive way
If you can converse with them and they listen to your doubts about the future, maybe you'll feel better and know you've done something good. From here on out, you and your parents should be able to move on with your lives. If you can't have a good conversation or can't get results, remember you tried. You gave your parents a chance to work with you.
Step 6. Get help from school or from a therapist
The sooner the better. Over time, the emotional abuse will worsen, and as you get older, your parents will begin to lose control over you. This could affect how you are an adult and how you see others. The fact that your parents think they have done nothing wrong can cause even the strongest person to feel unloved over time, as if they were guilty.
Step 7. Step away from abuse
The sad reality is that most parents of this type remain abusive - there is nothing that can be done to stop this behavior. If that's your case and your parents don't intend to do anything to change, think carefully about how to get out of this situation to escape abuse. If you can go to a nice relative, DO IT. If you have a friend to stay with, GO. Save and come up with a plan to walk away and save yourself (physically and emotionally). Consider applying for some school away from home if you have the money or apply for a scholarship if you don't have any. If the abuse does not stop, get out of the house!
Step 8. Have the moral courage to tell yourself that while some families are functional, yours is not and never will be
Trust your judgment. The abuser will affect your will to the point of making you feel guilty for just thinking about yourself. The worst people will go to great lengths to subject you to their approval. They see your individuality as a threat and will undermine it to the point of trying to destroy it whenever they get the chance.
Step 9. Do not cry until you are certain that you will not be seen or heard
Some types of abusive parenting have just that for purpose, and when they do, they'll think they've won, continuing to attack you on that very side. Like parasites and cowards, they feed on your weaknesses and stimuli. If you have a brother who can comfort and support you, go to him and let off steam. Most of the time it will be with you, but it could also happen that you are the only one against whom the parents take it out (scapegoat).
Step 10. Have someone you trust contact the authorities if you can't take it anymore
Advice
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The definition of emotional abuse includes:
- Yell out
- Swearing
- Interlocution in an aggressive and disrespectful way.
- Being made to feel ashamed, belittled, embarrassed or stupid, etc.
- Threats of all sorts: killing your pet, yourself, harming those you love, etc.
- Sarcasm and malicious comments.
- Teasing / ridicule / imitation / parody / mimicry / impersonation.
- Making fun of any of your characteristics - hair, weight, measurements, clothes, actions, etc.
- Preventing or obstructing your intentions from contacting or seeing friends and family.
- Mockery and dispathy when you suffer, etc.
- Constant / daily criticism.
- Bad words of any kind.
- Denigration of all sorts, such as saying that you are worthless, that you should never have been born, etc.
- Ignoring you and refusing to consider and socialize with you.
- Talking behind your back and gossiping about you.
- Always blame yourself for mistakes, problems, and events you didn't cause.
- Treat yourself like a child, address yourself as such even if you are a teenager or older.
- Making fun of an illness / condition / disability and / or making negative comments about it.
- Have questions answered or say things you don't want to say.
- Intrusion - invasion of privacy, personal questions that somehow invade your private sphere.
- Downplaying your successes and what you've achieved ("Well, 94% might be an A, but you should have taken 100%).
- Invalidation of your opinions and beliefs.
- Constantly shrugging: "You should have done this; you should be like him; you should have done this job / you should have chosen this faculty and not the other."
- If your parents' abusive behavior continues even as you become an adult, leave them alone. Especially if you build your own family. Children shouldn't get in the way and if you can't trust your parents, you shouldn't allow them to be around grandchildren.
- If your parents deny they're abusive, don't start asking too many questions.
- Don't let your parents stop you from living the life you deserve (the good one). The best revenge is to live well and happily. Save to be able to grant yourself the freedom, study hard to enter the faculty you want and stay close to those friends and family who do not abuse you, loving you.
- Try not to cry, retort, or get upset when they get angry with you, because in this case you would simply lead them to increase the dose as they have a satisfaction. Don't give him any. If you have to cry or let it out, it's best to do it alone and in private when they're not around.
- Ignore everything they say badly to you and remember that being emotionally abused is not your fault.
- When talking to someone you trust, be completely honest and open. Don't hide or cover up the fact that your parents are abusive towards you.
- Remember to talk to them like an adult. This doesn't mean swearing, but rather staying calm, focused, respectful and clear. If crying causes them, try to stay calm and avoid the trigger. If you feel the need to cry, say what you need to say and try to prevent emotions from betraying you.
- If necessary, have an adult you trust assist you in managing the conflict by calming your own. It would be better if he were a friend of one or both parents, as they are more likely to listen to him more.
- There is all sorts of help, all you have to do is ask for it.
- Now it might be tough in the present, but over time you should find the strength to forgive your parents for what they did to you.
Warnings
- When you tell your parents that you don't like being abused, they will take it and it will likely lead them to treat you worse.
- Some parents may not be as cooperative.
- Don't talk about things that make them angry as it could make the situation worse.
- Some parents only stop when you start crying. If you don't cry, they may hit you repeatedly.
