Emotional abuse occurs when words or actions are said in a constant and prolonged manner to intentionally hurt a person's feelings. Bickering, teasing, insulting, or other negative behavior can happen in any relationship, and to some extent they are also normal. However, behavior that regularly inflicts emotional pain can gradually develop into an abusive relationship. If you are with a person who makes you feel worthless, offends you, puts you down, threatens or intimidates you, or you fear that they will break up, it is highly likely that it is a negative relationship. Are you in such a situation? The first step is to recognize that you can't change this person, so it's best to seek help and end the relationship.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Addressing the Current Situation
Step 1. Learn to recognize the signs of emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is aimed at making you feel small and depriving you of your independence and self-esteem. The other person makes you feel isolated, uses intimidation or tries to control you. While not using physical force, he may threaten to do so.
- It may limit your freedom (not allow you to hang out with certain people or insist on knowing where you are going), refuse you (pretend you don't exist, blame you for things you are not to blame), or belittle you by insulting yourself, your family or your career.
- Emotional abuse patterns can also affect economics. For example, the other person may keep your finances in check, forcing you to explain how you spend every single penny, preventing you from having money or limiting your spending.
- There is also talk of emotional abuse when a person tries to control his partner's time, insists on keeping an eye on his cell phone and emails, limits the contact he has with his family.
Step 2. Know your rights
You have the right to be treated with respect so that your relationship can be defined as balanced. You have the right to change your mind and / or end the relationship if it no longer makes you happy. You have the right to have your own opinions, even if the other person disagrees. You have a right to a clear and honest answer when you ask an important question. You have the right to say no if you don't want to have sex.
These are your rights: don't let your partner convince you otherwise
Step 3. Remember that you cannot change the other person
It is not your responsibility to make your partner understand that he is hurting you. People who abuse others don't change when they receive compassion, they change when they learn to behave with compassion.
You won't do him any favors by continuing to be with him. Maybe you think you're the only one who understands this, or that your partner is basically a good person, but don't minimize the pain it causes you. It's not heroic to be with someone who disrespects you
Step 4. Don't retaliate
People who abuse others are experts in the art of manipulation and may provoke you to the point of breaking you down, then blaming you for everything. Do not retaliate for offenses, insults or threats. It can be difficult to hold back your anger, but remember that it is a trap and that you may be the one to suffer the consequences.
Never respond with physical force, even if you were to be provoked. Try to control the impulses by moving away, breathing deeply, or ending the discussion
Step 5. Recognize the long-term risks involved in such a relationship
A relationship based on abuse can affect the appearance of disorders such as migraines, arthritis, general aches, mental health problems (such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, alcohol or drug use or abuse), sexual health problems (such as increased risk of sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies).
Step 6. Seek help
Confide in friends and family and ask for their support. Explain what is happening and that you need support to free yourself from this situation. They will likely be willing to help you as best they can.
- You can create a sign to alert them when you need help, such as a coded message. "I'll make lasagna for dinner" can be a coded message to actually say, "I'm in trouble and I need your help."
- Reach out to friends, family, neighbors, spiritual leaders, or anyone else who can help you out.
Method 2 of 2: Ending the Relationship
Step 1. Find out when it's time to leave
Sometimes a relationship is simply wrong and impossible to improve. Do everything to understand as soon as possible whether the relationship is worth saving, for your own sake and for the sake of your mental health. Remember that the other person is unlikely to change.
- Don't hold on to the relationship because you're afraid of letting go. Remember all the pain this person has caused you, and that it is best for you to quit. It can be difficult to imagine your life without this relationship, but you deserve to be treated with more respect.
- Never let the abuse perpetuate itself or make excuses for your partner's behavior.
Step 2. Put your safety first
Understand that such people rarely change, in fact the abuse will likely get worse over time and result in physical violence. With all of this in mind, remember that your safety is your top priority. If you are afraid of being a victim of physical violence, you may respond differently to threats, for example by avoiding them or avoiding counterattack. Not defending yourself can be difficult or lead to harm, but remember one thing: until you can make a new move, your goal will always be to put your safety first.
- If you are in immediate danger and fear for your safety or well-being, call the emergency services and get to safety immediately.
- If you don't feel safe at home, go to your brother, sister, friend, or some other place where you feel safe.
- Put your children's safety first. If you have children, protect them. Send them to a safe place, such as a friend's house.
Step 3. Always have your phone handy
It can be used to call for help, call the police, or manage an emergency situation that endangers your safety. Charge your mobile phone and always keep it available to protect you.
Program speed dialing on your mobile phone to be able to call the right number in an emergency, whether it's that of a friend, family member or the police
Step 4. Take refuge in a safe place
As you plan a getaway, think about the possible risks. For example, if you are leaving with your children, make sure your partner does not try to seek them out or harm them. If you are concerned about both your safety and that of the children, you may need to flee elsewhere. Go to a place that is safe and well protected, such as a friend or sibling's home or a refuge for victims of domestic violence.
- Always be careful when ending a relationship founded on abuse, even if the abuse was "just" emotional. You can ask for help in devising a plan by calling the toll-free number 1522.
- Ask a friend or family member for help who could facilitate a quick escape. This person can help you get your things ready, watch the kids for you, or quickly escort you elsewhere.
- Many shelters welcome children and pets.
Step 5. Cut off any contact
Once you are safe, don't let the other person re-enter your life for any reason. He may try to use sweet words, apologize, or tell you that things have changed. Remember that the behavior will likely manifest itself again, although it promises you it will never happen again. Give yourself the chance to heal on your own terms, without this person.
- Delete his phone number and cut off any reports on social networks. You could also change your number.
- Don't try to show him you're better off without him. Let healing be a personal journey, one that is only about yourself.
Step 6. Take care of yourself
Remember it's not your fault. No one deserves to be abused, under any circumstances, and you have done nothing to deserve to be treated this way. Try to be happy. Keep a diary, take walks, dedicate yourself to activities you love, such as hiking and drawing.
Step 7. Get help from a professional
An expert can help you process the situation, deal with the emotional side of this experience and all its consequences, such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder or anger. It will allow you to manage the situation and process all your more complex emotions.
