All parents want a disciplined and well-behaved child. However, it can happen that a parent loses control or simply has no control over the child. It is at this moment that motherhood or fatherhood crosses the line and turns into emotional abuse. Emotional abuse escalates when hidden, and this has never helped anyone, in fact, it harms victims in numerous ways. It can lead to isolation, depression, loneliness, self-harm and, in some extreme cases, suicide. This article will help you deal with that problem.
Steps
Step 1. Understand the causes and effects of emotionally abusive relationships
Parents may be manipulative and emotionally abuse you because they themselves have been abused or neglected at some point in their life (usually in childhood), and this has a huge impact on people's ideas about how to raise children. their children; another possibility is that they are disappointed in life, angry or resentful and, as a result, take it out on their children. Parents may not even be aware that they are behaving in an abusive manner, perhaps because they grew up in a similar environment or because they simply refuse to consider the possibility of actually being "executioners". In any case, whatever the cause of emotional abuse, no one has the right to hurt you, physically or emotionally. Emotional abuse is just as bad as other types of abuse, and you deserve to find and get help. Remember that you have no responsibility for this; after all, it is the abuser who has made this behavioral choice.
Step 2. Identify the ways you are being abused
This will allow you to explain it to someone else or just to yourself, and to get a clearer idea of the situation. Emotional abuse is not just one; there are different types, which vary according to the type of perpetrator and the situation. The main types of emotional abuse include:
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Verbal attack. One of your parents (or both) attacks you by using words in any way possible. He may exaggerate your flaws, make fun of you, nick you, scold you, scold you, threaten you, or criticize you. He may blame you for everything or humiliate you with constant sarcasm and insults. Over time, this kind of abuse can completely destroy a person's feelings, change their perception of themselves and lower their self-esteem.
Deal With Emotional Abuse from Your Parents (for Adolescents) Step 2Bullet1 - Emotional neglect. Your parents may cater to all your physical and material needs, but they don't care about the emotional ones in the least. They show no love or affection, ignore you all the time, or refuse to support you when you need their support.
- Cancellation. Closely linked and superimposed on emotional neglect, nullification occurs when the victim's feelings and needs are totally invalidated, usually in an attempt to hurt her. A good example is when the victim tries to confront the parent (s) about the abuse; to the boy they might reply "I never do", "You think too much", "You shouldn't be upset about these things" or "You're exaggerating". The abuser typically controls the victim's emotions, telling her that her feelings and opinions are wrong, continuing to ignore and reject her emotional needs and influencing her, trying to make her believe that there is something wrong with her. Cancellation can also be implemented passively; for example, when a victim tries to share a problem with a parent and is told that it is not a real problem or that she should just let it go. Invalidation is particularly harmful, since it leads the victim to think that he is wrong, that he is stupid to feel in a certain way and undeserving of any feeling.
- Unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic or impossible expectations, such as a mania for perfection or forcing a boy to be what he is not, are inculcated in the victim and, if not met, he is criticized or even punished.
Step 3. Identify the primary abuser
Only your parent does it? If your parents are divorced, one parent may not be aware that you are the victim of the other. Sometimes one parent could be emotionally abusive while the other physically abusive. Or, alternatively, both parents could be emotionally abusive, but one more than the other. The behavior of one parent could be heavily influenced by that of the other; one parent may be abusive because that is how the other acts. Identify who the main perpetrator is and the prevailing ways in which you receive this treatment. This will help you when you tell someone else or when you try to improve the situation.
Step 4. Know that abuse could happen selectively:
one parent (or both) could treat one child worse than the others and fuel resentment, competition, and envy between siblings. It is a power play intended to control both, the "approved" child constantly struggles to maintain his status of acceptance in the "heart" of the parents while feeling guilty for the neglect and cruelty towards the other child; the victim constantly fights to never reach any approval, failing miserably every time, but happy for the brother who receives good opinions from the parents. Both cultivate secrets: the "approved child" is secretly grateful for not being the victim and is happy with the appreciation, while the victim feels bitterness and envy: they love each other and depend on each other, but they are tormented from the negative feelings that mature from each other and from the parents. This gives rise to incredibly complex family dynamics, very difficult to dissolve.
Step 5. Try to understand that it is not your fault
Although the abuser can influence you to feel personally responsible for their emotions ("You cause me so much pain!") And the way they treat you ("If I were a better child, I shouldn't punish you so often"), in the end, the choice of this attitude falls on the perpetrator. If your parent (or parents) has a mental health problem or emotional disturbance, such as a disorder and many negative feelings related to the past, remember that the fault is not yours anyway, and that this is absolutely not acceptable or justifiable.
Step 6. Work on the best reaction (or reactions) to the abuse
Arguing is never the smartest option; if a parent wants to control, dominate and hurt a child, finding himself with the victim yelling at him often will only cause more anger. However, if the parent is somehow aware of the abuse, or feels guilty, then talking to him about it and explaining that all of this hurts and hurts you will force him to face reality. More aggressive and manipulative parents probably shouldn't be compared; rather, try not to react at all, and wait until the main abuse is over before taking action. Once you have found the best way to react to the direct abuse (for example, resist without complaining, apologize, accept responsibility, and ask how you could correct the problem), the situation will move a little more under your control. and it may give you some time to come up with a plan.
Step 7. Determine whether or not to tell a parent
If one parent abuses more than the other, or if you are the victim of only one of them, consider sharing it with the other. If a parent is unaware of the abuse, asking them for help by telling them everything could stop the problem. If one parent abuses less than the other or seems obligated to behave like this or guilty after something happens, talking to him about it could give him a broader focus on the problem, and that has the power to improve everything for both of us. However, if you receive severe abuse from both parents or feel strongly that talking to them is not safe or useful, then don't discuss it; talk to someone else: the school psychologist, if you trust them, the parent of a friend, an aunt or an uncle.
Step 8. Find someone to talk to
Around you, you will find many people who can help you. While your friends may not be able to change your situation, they will at least be by your side or give you tons of resources. Talk to a close and trusted friend or tell another family member, as your relatives may have the power to change the situation or, at least, help you cope. If you can't, try talking to a friendly teacher, school psychologist, priest, or other spiritual leader. Do you feel like you can't talk face to face with someone? There are many anonymous help lines: you will be able to find the numbers on the internet, in the telephone directory or at school. Don't convince yourself that nobody cares, because that's not true; people study and train to help those in your situation. Professors, psychologists and your friends can help you out, and other family members may have been abused, so they will understand you.
Step 9. Find resources to address the problem
It is important to identify the things that can help you express your emotions, release anger, bitterness and pain, or take your mind away from suffering. Letting the situation turn sour will only make it worse. There must be something that can particularly soothe your pains or help you get rid of your negative feelings: writing a diary, stories, poems or songs, drawing to create a visual interpretation of the situation, playing an instrument, singing or talk to someone you trust. These are all good ways to help you deal with this difficulty.
Step 10. Work on a plan
You don't deserve to be abused, under any circumstances. Emotional abuse hurts like any other form of abuse, which is why it should at least be reduced, mitigated and known well if it cannot be stopped entirely. It may be difficult, embarrassing, or scary to finally break your silence and talk to someone who will change the situation, but simply finding resources to deal with it and taking a burden off your chest with a friend won't change anything. Talk to your school counselor about things you could do to change your life, mitigate the abuse, or get another family member to know so they can step in.
Step 11. If applicable, find a way to get away from the situation immediately
This step can be the scariest of all, because it means getting out of your usual routine to deal with the pain, and it will mean that everyone will know what happens to you. But it is important. Your therapist or the person you told the situation to may want to call social services or alert the authorities if the abuse is severe. This can be extremely intimidating and change a lot of things, but remember it will help you curb it or put a stone on this problem.
Step 12. Once free, take therapy
Abuse leaves lifelong wounds that could never heal unless you ask for help. If you can't afford it, there are voluntary associations that will help you for free.
Step 13. Work on acceptance, to love yourself and take care of yourself
What causes the victim to surrender and ultimately make the abuse worse is the self-belief that they deserve the abuse. She ends up hurting herself far more than the perpetrator did. Learn to remember that none of this is your fault and that you are your most valuable asset. You are worthy of love, affection, respect and acceptance. Learn to love yourself. Think about it. You are completely unique. No one else is quite like you. You have your qualities and your quirks, your flaws and your assets. Everyone is beautiful. No one else has the same characteristics as you, not even your hypothetical identical twin! Your personality is totally yours, nobody else's. Always remember that none of this happened because of you, whatever your parents say or do.
Advice
- Always try to have an emergency number and a place to go - the home of a friend, family member, or adult to trust. That way, if things go beyond a certain limit or get terribly worse, at least you'll have a place to take refuge or someone who can help you.
- Try to learn as much as possible. While no one wishes you such a situation, if you use it to become stronger and learn more about yourself, relationships and life, you will feel less helpless. Many abuse survivors say that while this experience has left scars, it has also prompted them to become stronger and more aware of the world around them. As tough as the situation is, it offers you something that will come in handy someday. Take what you can from your experiences to enable you to become stronger and able to face whatever life has in store for you.
- Value your most important survival tool: your mind. Nobody can read your mind, you have to say what is on your mind. Emotional abuse can make you feel disgusted, but it is by cultivating a survivor attitude and a fighting spirit that you can become one of those people who can carry on, learn, and escape violence. Just because someone tells you how to feel or underestimates you, that doesn't mean that person is right. Trust your instincts, even if everyone around you tells you that you are wrong.
- Don't be rash. Many victims of emotional abuse, especially teenagers, rebel because of their bitterness and anger to show their parents that they don't respect their rules. However, failing or failing in school, drinking too much, or self-harming yourself are behaviors that won't do you any good in the end. If you treat yourself well and do what's best for you, you'll be happier, a definitive way to make the abusive person understand that you don't respect or accept their behavior.
- Never ever hurt yourself to feel better. Stop intentionally cutting, hitting, or injuring yourself - this will only add more scars, which will never go away. There are ways to express your emotions and find a productive way out without hurting yourself.
- Your doctor may recommend antidepressants. When a person has experienced trauma and depression, it can impair the ability to control emotions and behavior. It can lead to an alcoholism or drug abuse problem, to having unprotected sex, or to putting yourself in dangerous situations by associating with people who drink or use drugs excessively.
Warnings
- So many people are inexperienced, uninformed or just tough. They are not the right ones to trust; make sure you talk to someone you trust about it, or they might tell you you're lying, exaggerating, or acting silly. If this happens to you, it is essential that you do not believe these people. If you feel that you are being abused, then something is wrong, don't hang around until you find someone to help you.
- In many situations, emotional abuse can become physical or sexual. In this case, you definitely need to tell someone. Your silence will exclude you from any possible help, so remember to talk to a trusted person. The abuse can only be stopped if you make it happen.
- Never consider suicide. There are always alternatives. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, which seems to last forever at a given moment. While it may seem like the pain isn't worth bearing, there is something there that can help you see the way out. Just because you don't see it now doesn't mean it's not there. This feeling can also be a side effect of your medicines or it can occur when you stop taking them all of a sudden. Talk to your friends, a psychologist, or a doctor if you feel like you want to put an end to it.
- If you are prescribed medications, never make a mistake with your dosage or stop taking them without talking to your doctor. Take them exactly as directed by your doctor.
