Who does not know people with whom it is difficult to deal with. Some are too demanding or grumpy, others can be arrogant or emotionally abusive. In any case, it can be very stressful to communicate with such individuals, so a wrong approach risks making the situation worse instead of improving it. The following guidelines can help you mitigate conflicting relationships with a friend, family member or colleague, or at least live with a difficult person with less stress and hostility.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Improve the Relationship
Step 1. Be a nice person
Sometimes it is possible to improve your relationship with a difficult person by using a little more kindness. Smile and say hello when you meet her. Friendliness is not a sign of weakness.
Sometimes a little irony can go a long way. If you make a nice joke, you can ease the tension
Step 2. Compliment
In some cases, a person may be intractable because they feel they are not being listened to, appreciated or understood. You can help the relationship by recognizing when it does something good.
Step 3. Look inside
If you truly want to improve relationships with a difficult person, it is important to assess whether and to what extent the tensions are caused by your actions or attitudes.
- If problems have arisen, ask yourself if you have been rude or have done something that offended her. If so, you should sincerely apologize.
- It may also be that your behavior does not show attention to their needs and what they feel. In this case, you can improve the situation by taking another approach in non-verbal communication (for example, in gestures and tone of voice) to show her that you listen to her, understand her, or that you are not against her.
Step 4. Don't take it personally
If, after considering your behaviors and attitude, you come to the conclusion that you have no responsibility for the problem, try not to take the other person's grumpiness personally. The problem is not her, but her attitude.
Even if that's the case, try to be understanding. Understand that he may be treating you badly because he is facing some difficulties. That doesn't mean he can take advantage of you, but with a little understanding, you will be able to improve the relationship
Method 2 of 3: Engage in Conversation
Step 1. Stay calm
When talking to a difficult person, stay calm and rational, don't give in to the temptation to force an argument, and don't get involved in a battle you don't intend to engage in. You are much more likely to achieve a satisfactory result if you can remain calm and rational.
Think before you react. Even if someone is very angry or rude towards you, the best approach is to give an answer while keeping a cool head. This way you will be able to set limits and tell the other person to calm down
Step 2. Recognize how the other person is feeling
As mentioned above, many people behave surly because they don't feel heard or understood. Sometimes it is possible to improve the situation by listening to what they have to say.
- It is good to let the other person know that you realize what they are feeling. Communicate that you perceive his feelings and ask for an opinion, roughly saying "You look very angry right now, and I'm sorry you think so." This way, you will be willing to understand his point of view.
- Ask why he feels anger. You can show that you are even more willing to empathize with the other party by asking how they feel.
- Recognize criticism when it is valid. If the other person is extremely critical of you, try to find a kernel of truth in what they say, recognizing the validity of the arguments, even if their criticisms were not entirely fair or accurate. By doing so, you will reduce the sense of challenge she feels subjected to, even if you will later highlight the points where she was unfair or inaccurate.
Step 3. Communicate clearly
When dealing with a difficult person, it is important to communicate clearly and openly. Many conflicts arise from misunderstandings.
- If you can, try to speak in person rather than by email or other means. You will have fewer communication problems and the ability to fully understand the state of mind of the other will be greater.
- Engage in discussion if necessary, bringing written evidence that supports your point of view and trying to steer the comparison towards argumentation based on facts rather than statements driven by prejudice or emotion.
Step 4. Focus on the problem, not the person
Frame your talk on the problem or issue to be solved, rather than on the person you are dealing with. This will prevent the conversation from transcending into personal attack and will lead the interlocutor to think more rationally.
This approach has the advantage of preparing people to solve the problems they really care about and improve the situation
Step 5. Be assertive, but not aggressive
Communicate in a way that clearly expresses what you think about the situation, without silencing the other person or giving the impression that you are not listening or being rude.
- If possible, ask a few questions instead of ruling. Often people with a difficult character have quite strong opinions. If you can get the interlocutor to see potential flaws in his reasoning without telling him that he is wrong, you will avoid unnecessary conflicts.
- For example, politely ask "Have you considered the problem?" it may be more constructive than saying, "Your view of the matter does not take this issue into account."
- Use "first person" statements. When talking, try to use phrases that describe the situation based on your feelings. In this way you will remove the sense of challenge or guilt in the other.
- For example, saying "I never received that email" is less provocative than "You never sent that email". Similarly, "I felt a lack of respect in that comment" may be less annoying than "You were very rude."
Method 3 of 3: Maintain Distances
Step 1. Choose the battles to wage
Sometimes, it's best to let a difficult person go on their way. It may be more beneficial to leave a rude comment unnoticed than to engage in a heated and protracted fight.
Likewise, it is worth tolerating the heavy behavior of a colleague who is capable and prepared in his work in order to reap the rewards of his qualities
Step 2. Limit interactions
In some cases, the best thing to do is to limit interactions to the bare minimum, avoiding any unnecessary contact.
For example, if you work with a rather intractable colleague, it might not be a bad idea at times to skip lunch with him or happy hour after work to avoid the possibility of being in unpleasant situations
Step 3. Walk away
Sometimes, the best choice is to get away from a certain situation or even to distance yourself. If that is the case, perhaps this option should be considered.
- Probably a temporary solution to the problems associated with a difficult relationship is to say, "I can't deal with this now. Let's talk about it later, when we have calmed down."
- If complications and difficulties remain, it may not be entirely wrong to consider ending the relationship. It can be difficult, but if you've already tried to improve the situation and the other person isn't willing to change, it might not be worth continuing the relationship.
Advice
- People who respect you or have close relationships with will be more likely to change. Perhaps it is worth engaging with them rather than avoiding them.
- Think carefully about how your behavior is likely to affect the relationship. You may not even be aware of what you are doing that causes the other to feel threatened, provoked, confused or hurt.
Warnings
- If you intend to challenge an aggressive bully, try to do it safely. Sometimes these situations can escalate and become dangerous.
- If the person you are dealing with is too aggressive, it is likely that no one has ever opposed their attitude. It is not wrong to react in these situations, but make sure you do so in a safe context with other people present, in case the aggressive behavior escalates to the detriment of you and others.
