Difficult people can make life hell for those who have to spend time with them every day. If you regularly deal with someone who exudes negativity - such as a cruel boss, a friend who always criticizes, or a relative with little means - you may be afraid to interact with them and wonder how to change things. Finding a way to stay positive and deal with the other person's tough behavior will give you more power over the situation. If the worst has already happened, it may be necessary to limit the time spent together or completely break off relationships. Read on to learn more about how to deal with difficult people right now.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Stay Above All
Step 1. Remain unflappable and master of yourself
When someone is constantly criticizing, complaining, or just being grumpy, it can be hard not to snap or completely lose your temper. You may think that the person deserves someone to lower their crest. But negativity generates more negativity, and if you lower yourself to its level, you will simply give it more fuel, making the situation worse. If you can stay calm and resist the temptation to take your turn or get defensive, the tension is likely to subside soon.
- Try to put into practice the saying "think before you speak". It takes only 10 seconds more to decide what to say, instead of going into a rage. This way you will avoid saying something you might regret.
- Try not to let emotions get the better of you. You may feel angry or hurt by the person's words, but yelling or stomping your feet probably won't help improve the situation.
Step 2. Try to understand where the difficulties are coming from
It's as tough as it sounds, but try to see things from the other person's point of view. When someone has a difficult personality, it is often rooted in bad experiences that have led to a distorted point of view. Put yourself in his shoes and think about what is most likely to be. Having empathy could help you better understand why the person acts the way they do and react, using understanding rather than being defensive. Sometimes smiling and treating the person with kindness is the best way to deal with bad behavior.
- For example, maybe you have a friend who is incessantly critical of others. Such people are also usually deeply critical of themselves. Knowing this may make you realize that the best way to direct a friend's difficult behavior elsewhere is to compliment him lovingly or help him see the best of himself and others.
- Research shows that people who bully others have often been bullied. A cruel and mortifying person will likely have been subjected to it at some point in life. If you can see through meanness and understand that what he is feeling is pain, you may find a constructive way to deal with the situation.
- While empathizing and expressing kindness are great ways to improve most relationships, in some situations a person's problems are so deeply rooted that your positivity struggles to have an influence. It's definitely worth a try, but don't expect the person to go through a big change and suddenly become a good person.
Step 3. Don't take it too personally
In most cases, the other person's behavior is not actually directed at you, but is about himself. It won't always be possible, but always try to ignore it. If the person is just in a bad mood and addresses everyone in the same impatient tone, there is no reason to personally offend you. Instead of being defensive or angry, try to ignore negative judgments.
Of course, sometimes the judgments are really deeply personal and you can't help but feel bad. In these cases, it may be necessary to approach the situation more directly instead of ignoring it. If you are the object of special attention, you will not be able to help but deal with the typical behavior of bullies, and this is different from the behavior of someone who treats everyone indiscriminately in a rude way
Step 4. Change conversation
If you're dealing with someone who tends to negatively dominate arguments, doing things like complaining, criticizing, or raising insidious issues, try to take command of the situation instead of indulging. You can do this by bringing the topic to ground where you feel more comfortable or by cutting the person off when the conversation goes in an unhappy direction.
If you are dealing with someone who is extremely stubborn, you may need to be more direct. Say something like, "This subject makes me uncomfortable and I prefer not to talk about it" or just "Let's talk about something else." Hopefully, the person will respect your wishes and stop insisting on the subject
Step 5. Find out if you are part of the problem
Is it possible that the person showing difficulties has a grudge against you? Does she treat you coldly or even mistreat you because she is offended or angry about something you said or did? While there's no good excuse to treat someone badly, it's possible that their behavior is rooted in a specific event. If so, you could make things right by apologizing.
Step 6. Use humor to direct negativity elsewhere
Sometimes people who complain don't even realize how much their gloom affects others. Breaking in with a joke is a great way to lighten things up and unexpectedly bring a smile to each other's face. Just make sure he doesn't perceive the joke as a mockery.
Method 2 of 3: Coping with Bad Behavior
Step 1. Talk about it
If a difficult person's behavior is affecting your day and interfering with your happiness, it's time to face the situation head on. Be honest about what worries you. For example, if your sister is constantly complaining about your parents, tell her that her negativity is starting to get you down and that you don't want to hear about it from now on. It won't be an easy conversation, but it may be just what it takes to create better dynamics in your relationship.
- Don't face the other person in front of people. He may be embarrassed and distressed, so it is best to find a time when you are alone and ask the question.
- Try not to express anger during the discussion. You risk taking the conversation terribly out of control, which is the last thing you need.
Step 2. Separate the person from their behavior
This technique allows you to make an honest assessment of a person's behavior without attacking them on a personal level. Your goal is not to make her feel bad, but to end the destructive behavior that affects you (and possibly others). Focus on specific examples of problematic behavior.
For example, if your boss is not giving you positive feedback, and your morale is low as a result, set up a meeting with him, during which you will ask him for more specific feedback on what good you are doing. Tell him it would be helpful to know what's going well, as well as what needs improvement
Step 3. Set expectations and make sure consequences are honored
In some cases, it is appropriate to tell the person exactly what needs to change and what will happen if they don't. While this technique is probably not the most effective to use in the workplace - giving the boss an ultimatum probably won't be such a welcome move - it can be a useful way to deal with a difficult family member or friend. Give the person a definite limit and make it clear that if they cross it, there will be consequences.
- For example, if you visit your great-aunt twice a week, who spends all the time at your disposal complaining about her life and family members, tell her that you will have to limit your visits, unless she is the one to remove. in the middle of the speech.
- For this tactic to work, you will need to be willing to do what you say. This means that if your great-aunt keeps complaining, she may need to skip a visit or two until she realizes you mean it.
Step 4. Don't give in to criticism
If you are dealing with someone knocking you down, you need to stand alone and never give in. If someone accuses you of something you didn't do, for example, say "it's not true" and argue against it. If someone criticizes you for your appearance, say "I like the way my hair looks" or "I disagree with your opinion". Don't let your guard down and don't apologize for things that are out of your control. People who criticize tend to feed off others' weakness and get satisfaction if you give in when they tell you that something is wrong with you.
Step 5. Take action against bullies
Bullying should never be taken lightly, whether in the schoolyard or in the office. Bullies are usually bullied themselves, but this is no justification for their negative actions. Being bullied over time can cause depression and low self-esteem, so it's important to address this as soon as you recognize the phenomenon for what it is.
- Confront the bully without losing your temper. Bullies want to provoke the reaction of their victims and take it out on people they perceive as weaker than them. Try not to be angry or sad about the situation.
- If dealing with the bully doesn't work, you may need to take additional steps to protect yourself, such as breaking all contact with the bully.
- In a work environment, consider informing the manager of the situation. If you have a boss who is bullying, you may need to start looking for a new job.
Method 3 of 3: Protect yourself
Step 1. Don't get dragged down
The problem with difficult people is that their negativity can be contagious. Just as positive people spread their cheer to others, difficult ones can throw a blanket into the room they walk into. If you are often in close contact with a difficult person, and cannot be helped, do your best to avoid being drawn into negative feelings.
- Try to stay positive throughout the day. It's okay to let off steam, but resist the temptation to talk about the situation at length. Don't let the negativity spread to other aspects of your life. Everything can get out of hand quickly.
- Try not to hold a grudge against a difficult person. Remember that he probably has a hidden burden to handle that has nothing to do with you. Focus on what's good in your life and be glad you're not the difficult one.
Step 2. Spend time with positive people
It is the antidote to the time spent with those who are difficult. Surrounding yourself with loving, generous and cheerful people who bring out the best in themselves. Increase your energy reserves for times when you need to be around people who tend to drain you.
Step 3. Avoid them when possible
It is not always possible to avoid difficult people, especially when they are your family or colleagues. If the situation becomes extremely bad or reaches the edge of the offense (almost as if you are being bullied), you need to avoid the person as much as possible. In fact, it may even be necessary to sever any relationship with her. Even if you probably want to try to change it or hope things will get better someday, face reality and figure out if it's really possible.
- Try to set a fixed limit on the time you spend with her. For example, if your mom is extremely difficult, always knocking you down, you may need to limit the length of your visits. Try setting a time limit of 1 hour per week. If even this duration is too busy for you, decrease the time further.
- If the person abuses you physically, verbally or emotionally, and it's a story that has occurred over and over again, you need to put your mental and physical safety first and stop seeing that person.
Advice
- It is important to consider that if by any chance you do not experience any change in their behavior, then it is better to back off rather than torment yourself in vain.
- In such a situation, try not to interact with them otherwise you will find yourself at a critical intersection, which you will not be able to deal with.
- Speak calmly and politely.
- Don't let their judgments affect you.
- If you feel this person is exaggerating or intentionally bullying, tell someone you trust, such as a parent or teacher.
Warnings
- Don't drive them crazy and don't try to hurt or knock them down.
- If you think they may have problems, then step back unless they are open to getting your help.
