We often can't afford the luxury of avoiding people we don't like, or letting our annoyance towards them leak out. However, knowing how to treat people with courtesy and respect is a very useful skill to show off in this type of situation. And who knows, you may end up finding something you appreciate in the other person, or you may find out how to continue your relationship in polite terms, even if it will never be meaningful in your life. However it goes, with practice you will learn to minimize the stress that this type of interaction generates in your existence.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Talk to Someone You Don't Like
Step 1. Keep the conversation light on topics
Don't talk about politics or religion and avoid topics that have previously provoked discussions. Talk about the other person's hobbies, weather, food or a mutual friend.
Parents generally love to talk about their children
Step 2. Let the other person do the talking
If you find yourself forced to have a conversation with someone, make sure it is polite and short. As soon as you start talking, give a brief compliment on the clothes or home of your interlocutor. Ask him short questions about how his day went or ask him if something new has happened in the family. Listen to the answers without interrupting, even if he has to speak for a long time. The less you say, the less your true feelings will leak out.
If you can't think of anything to say, smile and nod
Step 3. Be aware of your body language
Touching your hair, crossing your arms or shifting your weight back and forth could make the other understand that you are bored or nervous. If you don't want to offend your partner, try to keep your feet still and your arms at your sides. [Image: Get Along with People Who You Don't Like Step 3-j.webp
Step 4. Avoid sarcasm or irony
Subtle humor can be easily misinterpreted and could even seem offensive, especially if you let what you really think are leaked into your tone of voice. Try to make jokes simple and direct, or not to make them at all, and not to provoke the person you don't like, even in a "friendly" way.
Step 5. Get out of the conversation
A socially active person may spontaneously interrupt the conversation if they notice that you just give them short answers. In case she doesn't get there on her own, however, apologize politely with a phrase like “it was nice talking to you! Now unfortunately I have to go back (to my errands / my job / my chores)."
- Another possibility, in a group conversation, is to ask someone else questions, so that the attention shifts to the new interlocutor and not to the person you don't like.
- If you can't get away for good, take a "break" by going to the bathroom for a few minutes.
Method 2 of 3: Finding Someone's Best Side
Step 1. Do not mistake the one-time interaction for the other person's personality
People tend to believe that what they see is people's character, not their temporary reactions. If you see someone screaming, it may just be the culmination of a bad day, not an anger control issue.
Psychologists call this phenomenon "fundamental attribution error" or "mismatch."
Step 2. Find out if someone's behavior is directed at you or not
People tend to think that what happens revolves around them more than it actually does. If someone behaves in an unfriendly or rude way, they will often be thinking about something else and will not be trying to offend you in the slightest. If someone doesn't notice your new haircut, it's probably because they haven't noticed, not because they want to make you sick.
Step 3. Look for positive qualities in others
Find something good in the other person and repeat it loud and clear to yourself when you start complaining about them. If you are unaware of any positive actions taken by the other person, compliment her on her clothes or her car. If she often talks about a topic, even if you don't care, tell her that you are impressed by the depth of her knowledge on the subject.
Step 4. Ask questions
Try to get to know the other person by asking them questions. Avoid asking too personal questions if you don't know her very well, but follow the topics of conversation that she proposes herself, asking her something more about a certain individual, a place or an event that she has mentioned.
Step 5. Meet in other contexts
Many people behave very differently in large groups or in lively environments than they do in face-to-face conversations or quiet situations. If you want to give someone another chance, try meeting him or her in a different context than normal. Invite him / her to go out with a different group of friends or talk to a colleague over lunch at a coffee shop.
If, even in doing so, you understand that there is not the slightest possibility of creating a friendship, or at least a cordial acquaintance, move on to the next section
Method 3 of 3: Minimize Contacts
Step 1. Focus on small goals
There are thousands of people we are forced to see every week, or at least every holiday, but we don't get along with. Remember that your purpose is not to make friends or get to know them better. Aim for simple and easy goals, such as the following:
- Say hello, take your leave and try not to offend anyone between one passage and the next.
- Try not to respond to your colleague's offensive statements for the entire working week.
- Finish the group project without letting your irritation leak out.
Step 2. Plan an escape from social events
If you know someone you don't like will be attending a particular event, plan an excuse in advance so you can stop for a short time. It would be even better, in fact, to provide a concrete motivation, so as not to let others find out that you lied. For example, try hiring a babysitter for half the evening, or making a commitment with someone from your family, so that you are "forced" to leave earlier for family reasons.
Step 3. Create an anti-embarrassment plan
If you tend to create awkward silences when you talk to someone, or if that person often starts talking about offensive topics, plan the conversation in advance. When the interested person joins the conversation, comment on a story you read in the newspaper, or quote a popular movie or song you recently saw or listened to.
Avoid political news and other controversial topics
Step 4. Focus on the countdown
Remember that you will only have to be with this person for a small amount of time. Count the remaining minutes and focus on this thought if you realize that you are starting to get annoyed or angry.
Step 5. Avoid being contacted online
If you are asked for your email address or your contacts on social networks, reply that you do not check them very often (as long as it is credible). If someone unwelcome should contact you with one of these methods, do not respond, or do it only after a few days with a short message, apologizing for having been too busy to reply immediately.
Step 6. Politely ask someone to change unacceptable behavior
If someone is interfering with your personal space with unwelcome physical contact, or if they try to contact you continuously, approach the problem politely. Just say, “I would appreciate it very much if you stop doing this” to point out your limitations in a polite way.
Formulate sentences that talk about "me", such as "I don't like hugs very much" and avoid using the pronoun "you", which can sound accusatory
Step 7. Stop contacting only if necessary
If the presence of someone in your life is causing you profound stress and if the person in question cannot grasp your more subtle indications, try to end your "friendship". It is best to do this in the most polite way possible and not recommended for people who work together or who are in contact every day. If you have no other options for action, address the other with a phrase such as "I'd like us to spend a little less time together".
