Learning to like yourself is one of the hardest things for a person to do, especially if it has never been possible to do so in the past. Getting the right mindset is tricky, but it's doable. Thoughts affect emotions and emotions affect behavior. If you change your mental patterns and educate yourself in positive thinking, you will start to feel better. It takes some practice and effort to accomplish this, but it's worth it. Enjoying yourself is one of the secrets to living in a more fulfilling and happy way.
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Silencing Your Inner Critic
Step 1. Pay attention to your thoughts
Cognitive-behavioral therapy experts believe that humans are capable of changing their behavior by first of all changing the way they think. Thoughts are real catalysts for behavior.
- For example, if you think you are a loser and do everything wrong, you will feel lost, because you will not believe you can change your mood. Thinking like this will leave you trapped in the same place, always causing you to succumb to negative thoughts. This will affect your behavior so much that it makes you depressed and lose interest in many aspects of your life. Indeed, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You end up adopting a posture and behavior dictated by negative thoughts.
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Gaining awareness is the first step to control your thoughts. When you happen to have negative thoughts about yourself, ask yourself these questions:
- Are these kind words to me?
- Does this statement make me feel good?
- Would I tell anyone else?
- If you answered no, then you are thinking negatively. If you learn to recognize these episodes, you will be able to start rephrasing the comments you make about yourself, making them positive.
Like Yourself Step 2 Step 2. Keep a journal
Pay attention to your inner critic, that voice that has been telling you negative things for years. It kept you from living your life to the fullest. Learn to recognize times when she makes negative comments about you.
Take a few minutes each day to remember the moments when you have been elaborating negative thoughts about yourself
Like Yourself Step 3 Step 3. List your strengths
Think of concrete examples of your skills, positive attributes, qualities, and other aspects that people admire about you. Include compliments you have received from others.
- The list can encompass a bit of everything. For example, you can do things with animals or prepare a great roast chicken. This list will remind you that you have succeeded in achieving results and that you are capable of doing something good.
- Review it regularly to improve the image you have of yourself.
Like Yourself Step 4 Step 4. Silence your inner critic by focusing on positivity
When that famous voice in your head tells you that you are useless, stop for a moment and replace this negative thought with a positive idea. If necessary, refer to the list of qualities.
For example, if this voice keeps telling you that you are useless, you can reply: "Many of my friends think I am special. I have so much to give."
Like Yourself Step 5 Step 5. Develop your own mantra, which is a message to repeat to yourself to encourage yourself to think positively
Prepare a formula to repeat aloud or in mind.
- For example, repeat to yourself: "I am a family member who deserves respect and love."
- Write the mantra and stick it on the bathroom mirror to remember it every day.
Like Yourself Step 6 Step 6. Don't give up
Some days you won't be proud of your actions. Keep telling yourself that you deserve love. It's all about changing mantras.
- When you wake up in the morning, take a few moments to appreciate yourself. Give yourself a pep talk to remind yourself of your strengths.
Part 2 of 5: Cultivating Good Self-Esteem
Step 1. Admit you love life
Remind yourself that you love life and that you are enjoying this journey. As bumpy as the road is, you are trying to get through the bumpy parts as best you can. You are still here and you can tell others that you have overcome so many obstacles to become who you are today.
Step 2. Look for the bright side of life's challenges
Keep fighting and don't think too much about difficulties. Think back to how you overcame various challenges and how you became a better person through these experiences.
For example, if you are angry that you have been fired, think about the fact that this has allowed you to spend precious time with your children
Step 3. Track your progress
Regardless of your achievements, keep track of your progress. List what you have been able to do to get to this point and let yourself be spurred on by past successes.
It may be useful to write down your achievements. You can then compare old and new successes, so you realize you've come a long way
Step 4. Stand up for yourself
Make sure others show you the respect you deserve. Don't let them disrespect you or talk badly about you. Impress yourself, just as you would if someone were disrespectful to a good friend of yours.
Don't blame yourself, especially in the presence of others. If they hear you talking badly about yourself, they may think it's acceptable to treat you this way
Step 5. Don't get down
Know when you need support and give yourself the trust you deserve. Pat yourself on the back when you do something good. Treat yourself with kindness as you learn something new and need encouragement to move forward.
Take advantage of this moment to repeat your mantra, or adapt it to new circumstances
Step 6. Learn to feel good on your own
If you learn to be enough and be happy when you are alone, you will end up having a better relationship with yourself. You will be better at peacefully dealing with uncomfortable situations, which may have made you feel sad or embarrassed in the past.
- If you are alone, don't pick up your cell phone to start texting. Instead, pay attention to your surroundings. Do something simple, like having a cup of tea and living in the present.
- When out and about (at a bar or party), remind yourself that your worth doesn't depend on the quality and quantity of social interactions.
- This is true even if you are not in a relationship. Don't define your worth based on your sentimental status. You are your first companion.
Step 7. Acquire a new skill
Learning to do something new is a great way to start liking yourself and cultivating good self-esteem. When you expose yourself to a new situation, you take a risk because you are doing something you are not used to, but it also allows you to understand where you can go. This is very useful for increasing one's self-esteem.
Search for courses in your city. You will likely find several, from cooking to glass making. Check out bulletin boards and flyers found in the library or look at your city's calendar of events
Step 8. Keep a journal focused on gratitude
Once a week, take a few minutes to write down the reasons you feel grateful. The journal can help you remember everything you have in your life.
Savor what you write and think about it. Mechanically listing the reasons you feel grateful won't be all that helpful. Instead, take some time to remember a certain moment or mood
Step 9. Pamper yourself
If you're having a bad day or your self-esteem is at an all-time low, give yourself a whim. Buy a chocolate cake at your favorite bakery or relax with a nice warm bath.
- This will allow you to distract yourself from all the worries and tensions that make you doubt yourself. Once you have recharged, you can start living more relaxed again.
- Pampering yourself is also important because it reminds you that time and health are essential. When you take a break, you put yourself first instead of your job, your significant other, your friends, your family, school, and so on.
Step 10. Look for the comical side of life
Laughing has many short- and long-term benefits that can help you navigate this path of self-acceptance. In the short term, laughter can promote the production of endorphins, lessen the stress response, and stimulate circulation to help combat tension. In the long run, it can help you cope with difficult situations, empathize with others, and improve your mood.
- See an old friend and relive the fun experiences you shared.
- Watch a comedy or read a funny book. During the day, take a few minutes to have a good laugh.
Step 11. Take care of yourself
Treat your body well. This will help you esteem yourself and consequently like yourself more.
- Make sure you eat right. Healthy eating will make you feel better inside and out. Try to avoid processed and fried foods. Eat lots of fruits, vegetables, proteins, and whole grains.
- Get enough sleep. Resting in a qualitative way is necessary for the body to function properly and for you to feel good. Sleeping strengthens the immune system, helps fight depression and other diseases. Try to get seven to eight hours of rest a night.
- Drink lots of water. The body needs fluids to function properly. Dehydration can limit mental faculties, cause headaches and fatigue. Women should consume two liters of fluid per day, men three.
- Exercise regularly. Exercise releases endorphins. These substances improve mood and promote a greater feeling of well-being, which can help you like yourself more. Plus, working out keeps you fit and healthy.
Part 3 of 5: Changing Your Self Image
Step 1. Don't be overwhelmed by fear
Fear can paralyze you and prevent you from taking an active role in your life. Someone carefully avoids questioning their negative self-image. This happens because for one reason or another it is frightening to fight against these thoughts. Often we wallow in this trap, on the other hand growing up is painful. Sure, a life without growth is stagnant, but you get used to it. It's like wearing an old and worn pair of shoes. They are not beautiful, but comfortable. Believe it or not, it can even be comfortable for someone to have a negative self-concept, because it doesn't require you to get involved.
A significant example of paralyzing fear is represented by those women who are abused by their peers. They inexplicably perpetuate this relationship based on abuse. Indeed, fear prevents them from acting on their own interests. The emotional dependence that has been established with the partner makes them unable to leave, even if they risk their life itself
Step 2. Forgive yourself
You may not be proud of some choices made in the past. Maybe some of these can even make you feel some self-loathing. But if you acknowledge that you did your best in those circumstances, even some of the most harmful behaviors you have had and the most hateful actions you have done can be forgiven. If you cling to the negative thoughts that arise from your mistakes, you will not allow yourself to grow and move on.
Step 3. Become your best friend
Think about how you would talk to a friend who has a hard time liking each other. Would you feed these negative thoughts or focus on his strengths? Remind yourself of the reasons why you are a pleasant and lovable person.
Step 4. Start accepting yourself
Believe what others say about you. They are not just trying to make you feel good. They sincerely appreciate you. Start looking at you with their eyes. This could silence your inner critic, allowing you to start liking yourself as others like you.
Step 5. Start small, one change at a time
Remember that it is possible to proceed step by step. In fact, there is another reason why change is feared: some people think that changing one thing about themselves automatically means having to change everything. They are afraid of opening new doors, they fear that they will not be able to continue living as before because they will have to make huge changes to be happy.
- Start with small changes, such as smiling at a stranger, repeating a positive mantra to yourself, or getting more sleep. Making a few small changes at a time can be less traumatic than drastic changes done all at once.
- With these small steps you can get away from your comfort zone. In life, you will often go out of your comfort zone. If you manage this experience as best you can, you will understand that you are able to believe in yourself and your skills when life puts you to the test.
Step 6. Be patient
Remember that you are trying to revolutionize an entire life of negative thoughts. It won't happen overnight, but with the right approach you can start liking it. You have to be willing to confront your inner critic, who has always kept you from appreciating yourself. You need to be able to forgive yourself for any mistakes you think you have made in the past. You need to start looking for your best qualities and remind yourself that others are aware of your worth. This will help you to accept yourself, to convince yourself that you are a lovable and pleasant person.
Trust yourself. You are a survivor and you will do whatever it takes to improve the quality of your life. If nothing else, you have survived a difficult past. It takes a certain strength and perseverance, qualities that not everyone has. Start over using those strengths that have allowed you to go this far
Part 4 of 5: Interacting with Others
Step 1. Try to smile at others
When you are in front of someone, smile at them. This will make you feel good. Furthermore, this attitude will reassure (at least momentarily) the people present. They will likely smile back and you will quickly realize that you have made a good impression. You will soon be convinced of your importance as a human being.
Step 2. Treat others with respect
Give others the same treatment you would like to receive. This will help you be respectful of yourself as well. Among other things, you need to be kind and tolerate differences. Here are some ways to show respect to others:
- Don't insult people.
- Listen to your interlocutors.
- Don't make fun of others.
- Treat the feelings of others with sensitivity.
- Don't classify people into certain categories.
Step 3. Help others
In order for a person to be considered agreeable, it is essential that they treat others well. If you are thoughtful and kind to people, you will be more likely to treat yourself to the same treatment. When you can predict that a certain person will have a certain need, try to step forward and help them out.
- For example, a small gesture is enough, like holding the door open for someone. You can also do something bigger, like volunteering on Saturday afternoons to help an elderly neighbor who needs to complete garden work.
- This doesn't mean you have to help anyone. Remember that you need to treat yourself the same way you treat others, so you should respect your limits.
Part 5 of 5: Get Help
Step 1. Contact a psychotherapist
An expert can help you work on your self-esteem issues and teach you to like yourself. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (TCC) is useful for reframing one's thoughts and behaviors. It can help you identify certain patterns that keep you from liking yourself or using common sense to do things you are proud of.
Don't be afraid to look at old wounds. To be comfortable with yourself, you need to understand what's holding you back. The healing process will not complete until you are willing to deal with some difficult emotions that get you bogged down. Only by examining these experiences will you be able to overcome them. When you have the courage to remove an old scab, it will regenerate under the skin. Renewal can take you away from the negative thoughts you have about yourself and help you look to the future from a positive perspective
Step 2. Develop a support network
If you surround yourself with people who have positive opinions about you, you will begin to embrace the message they send you. Hang out with optimistic people who support you and your businesses.
This also means that you should spend less time with someone who treats you badly or disrespectfully. If you are forced to see these people, for example they are co-workers or a supervisor, then you must learn to communicate assertively. You can let them know that their comments are not welcome
Step 3. Find a mentor
You could be guided by someone from your circle of colleagues or acquaintances. It may help you overcome certain challenges you face in life.
