Getting respected can be difficult if you are used to letting others put their feet on your head or if you are always trying to please others. When you hold back to please everyone, it becomes too easy to cancel yourself; learning to stand up for yourself is a way to make sure people respect you and don't try to manipulate you or decide for you. Forgetting old habits and gaining the confidence to assert yourself won't happen overnight, but the journey to improvement begins by reading this article.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Believe in Yourself
Step 1. Believe in yourself
If you don't have confidence in yourself, it will be difficult to be successful; people do not value or respect a person who does not convey self-esteem.
- It is not difficult to spot an insecure person, which makes them an easy target. If you can convey confidence, people will be much more unlikely to make fun of you or identify you as a weak person.
- Confidence has to come from within, so you have to do whatever it takes to feel better about yourself. Learn a new skill, lose weight, make positive affirmations to repeat every day - nothing will change overnight, but confidence will grow over time.
Step 2. Set goals for yourself
They will give you a purpose and a way to control your destiny, helping you achieve what you really want. This is an essential part: you will fight for yourself and it will allow you to prevent others from putting their feet on your head.
- Motivate yourself by choosing an ambitious goal, but one that you can achieve in a few weeks, months or years of your life. It can be anything - a job promotion, getting a college degree, or running a half marathon - the important thing is that it's something that gives you a sense of self-worth.
- When you have finally achieved your goals, remember to take a moment to look back and appreciate what you have achieved. Make a vow that you will never go back to being the dissatisfied person you once were.
Step 3. Develop a positive attitude
Your attitude influences how others perceive you, through the unconscious signals you transmit. Attitude determines the tone of your voice, the quality of your thoughts, and is reflected in your facial expressions and body language.
- Remember that attitude is contagious. If you are cheerful, happy and peaceful about things, you will encourage those around you to feel good and at peace with the world. If, on the other hand, you are pessimistic, sad and grumpy, soon others will also be affected by the same negativity.
- We all prefer to hang out with people who make us feel good, and we are more willing to listen and respond positively to those with a positive attitude.
- On the contrary, we are less open to people who are pessimistic, victimized or always depressed. Choose to adopt a positive attitude around others and you will be one step closer to asserting yourself.
Step 4. Stop feeling like a victim:
when you act like one, you do the opposite of what it takes to get respected. In fact, you tend to try to free yourself from responsibility for a situation and blame your problems on someone else.
- For many people, the inability to get respected is rooted in a fear of rejection or being made fun of as a result of previous negative experiences. By choosing to take negative events too personally and lock yourself in your shell, you will not be able to stand up for yourself, but you will be overwhelmed by life.
- If you have had bad experiences in the past, the best thing to do is try to talk to a trusted person about it. This will help you uncover the causes behind your victim mentality and allow you to overcome them rather than continue to use them as a shield.
Step 5. Feel good about yourself physically
While you don't necessarily have to be superman or superwoman, looks matter and looking strong and healthy will give you more confidence.
- Regularly practice a sport or exercise that you enjoy - whether it's weight training, running, dancing, or rock climbing. Not only will it make you feel better physically, but you can also have fun and become a more interesting and fulfilled person!
- Try starting a martial arts or self-defense class. The inner discipline that you will be taught will greatly improve your confidence and the moves you will learn will allow you to defend yourself if you ever have to come to blows.
Part 2 of 3: Learn to Be Assertive
Step 1. Be assertive
Self-affirmation is the key to enforcing your rights. It's not just a cliché, it's a surefire way to improve your chances of getting what you want and to make your reasons heard.
- Establishing yourself allows you to express your wants, needs and preferences in a way that will show that you are ready to stand up for yourself, with respect for other people. It's about being open and honest about your thoughts and feelings, while still trying to work towards a mutually satisfying solution.
- When reporting your feelings and opinions, it is advisable to use statements with "I" rather than "you": they are less accusatory and prevent the other person from being defensive. For example, instead of saying "You never ask my opinion", try saying something like "I feel ignored when you make decisions without me".
- Self-affirmation is primarily a learning skill, so don't be discouraged if it doesn't come naturally to you. There are many great books and courses on assertiveness. You could start by reading the classic When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J Smith and Your perfect right: A Guide to Assertive Living by Robert E. Alberti. On wikiHow you can also read How to Be Assertive and How to Communicate Assertively.
Step 2. Learn to say no
Learning to say no is one of the hardest but most important ways to fight. If you tend to be a "yes" person who never wants to disappoint anyone, you risk becoming a doormat to step on.
- For example, if your boss keeps asking you to work late, while your co-worker runs away when it's time to leave, it can be very difficult to say no. But if this extra workload puts pressure on your personal life and relationships, you need to be able to put your foot down. Don't put other people's needs above your own - learn to say no when necessary.
- Learning to say no will help you assert your rights with your friends and with people who intimidate you. Think of a friend who keeps borrowing money, never paying it back; self affirmation will allow you to ask for that money back and say no next time, without risking to ruin the friendship.
- People may be taken aback by it at first, but they will learn to accept your newfound determination and may even learn to respect it.
Step 3. Use your body language to your advantage
The way you pose, walk and sit makes a big impression on people. Positive body language can be used to garner respect, agreement and trust, while a negative body attitude (slouching, trying to run away) is practically an invitation to be rejected.
- Use open body language. Show people that you are confident, confident, and worthy of respect. To keep body language open, lean forward, look people in the eye, stand with your hands on your hips and legs slightly apart, gesticulate slowly and deliberately, turn your torso towards the people you meet, and don't cross arms or legs
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Conversely, closed body language conveys negative signals and will leave you open to attack. Closed body language is characterized by crossed arms, closed fists, quick, nervous gestures, avoiding stares, and not turning to the side when meeting someone.
Stand up for Yourself Step 9 Step 4. Try a little practice
For many shy people, asserting yourself isn't something that comes naturally, but it's okay. All you have to do is practice - soon you can become more confident and more assertive in getting them to listen to you.
- Sometimes it's not easy to "stand up" for the simple reason that we can't say the right things at the right time. Take the time to write down good answers to difficult situations and practice saying them with a friend, using a stopwatch.
- Ask your friend to impersonate a difficult or intimidating person who does nothing but demean you. Activate the stopwatch for two minutes and answer! Keep doing this until you take our hand.
- You could practice in small everyday situations. For example, rather than quietly accepting the wrong coffee from the barista, learn to say, "Excuse me, I asked with skim milk. Could you please make me another?". You will soon have the confidence to tackle bigger and more important problems!
Stand up for Yourself Step 10 Step 5. Stay away from negative people
Learn to trust your instincts about other people and act accordingly. Eg:
- If someone depresses you with their negativity, stay away from them; begins politely, but decisively, to take the necessary distance. You are not required to give any explanation!
- Avoid bullies, negative and sarcastic people. You don't earn anything from being with them.
- Remember - getting away from sources of discomfort and trouble does not mean running away; this is an important part of learning to be respected because it shows that you don't allow nonsense and meanness to affect your life.
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Conflicts
Stand up for Yourself Step 11 Step 1. Defend yourself calmly and sensibly
Verbally defend yourself when you are attacked, provoked or marginalized and take care of yourself when someone tries to knock you down, sadden you or even harm you physically.
- Don't stand there seething with anger; it is much better to talk. Even if the end result doesn't change, you've shown yourself and others that you hate disrespect.
- Often, a polite but firm clarification about a comment or disrespectful attitude will make it clear to your interlocutor that you want a change, especially in the presence of other people. For example: "Excuse me but I'm next in line and I'm in a hurry just like you who cut the line".
- Avoid whispering, muttering, or speaking too fast. The tone of your voice and the speed with which you speak are important elements in making people understand what you want and how confident you feel.
- Of course, how you defend yourself will depend on the situation, and if someone is fickle, always put safety first.
Stand up for Yourself Step 12 Step 2. Don't be aggressive
You should never resort to aggression. Being aggressive or even violent is counterproductive and you won't earn friends.
- Behaving aggressively - verbally or otherwise - is always excessive. It's not a constructive way to get what you want and will annoy other people.
- You are much more likely to get a positive result if you approach any problem as calmly as possible. You can still stand up and be assertive and purposeful without having to raise your voice or get angry.
Stand up for Yourself Step 13 Step 3. Pay attention to passive-aggressive reactions to people and situations
- Passive-aggressive reactions are those where you do things reluctantly and reluctantly and end up being loaded with resentment and anger, hating people who make you feel this way, depressed and helpless.
- These attitudes will ruin your relationships, and can cause you physical and emotional harm. Especially, a passive-aggressive attitude will never allow you to be respected.
Stand up for Yourself Step 14 Step 4. Turn negative into positive
Another way to get respected is to take the negativity that is being passed on to you and turn it into positivity. By trying to reverse attacks to find their good points, you will often discover the jealousy or insecurity of the person who treats you badly. Eg:
- If someone accuses you of being too bossy, instead of allowing them to withdraw into you even further, take it as a test of your leadership skills, of managing people and projects well, and of being a driver of change.
- If someone accuses you of being shy, take it as a compliment - that you are someone who doesn't just follow the crowd, but likes to think about the consequences before making decisions.
- If someone says you are too sensitive or emotional, consider it a sign that you have a big heart and are not embarrassed to show it to others.
- If someone accuses you of not being ambitious enough - from your point of view it is a confirmation that you are leading a stress-free life.
Stand up for Yourself Step 15 Step 5. Don't be discouraged
As much as you try to improve your self-esteem, there will always be times when you will feel yourself slipping.
- Instead of interpreting it as a step back on your path to self-affirmation, give these moments the right weight - a bad day in which you have lost your way. Some tricks you could use to get back on track include:
- Pretend until you can achieve your purpose. Even if you don't feel confident, act like you are.
- Be consistent in your attitude. People will expect the person you have become to always be able to be respected.
- Expect some to find your new attitude a threat. It can take time to reconnect with people who used to bully you. In some cases, you will find that you no longer care about their company.
Advice
- Use a strong, confident, firm tone of voice. Speak with authority and confidence. It will help you express your ideas and thoughts.
- Love yourself as much as possible. Don't be ashamed of being afraid - know that, step by step, you are becoming less fearful.
- You smile. If you are not intimidated or scared, smile and show people something about you - show that you are not afraid.
- Don't let your past weaken your self-esteem, because you need it to support yourself.
- Think ahead of what you are going to say or do.
- Be brave and don't pay too much attention to others.
- Do not overdo it. Making yourself respected and looking strong is one thing, but making a fool of yourself is another.
- Think that you are not inferior but equal to others. Try to say something that you perceive as positive and profitable for others. If you say it directly, others will certainly accept it.
- Rely on friends and trusted people when you think you can't make it alone - getting respected doesn't have to be a lonely path.
- If you have any doubts when you need to defend yourself, set them aside and resolve them later. In the tension of the moment, doubts will only make you look bad. You will have plenty of time to reflect after you defend yourself.
- Recognize that terms such as "do not fight for yourself", "accommodating", "passive-aggressive", "empathic", "control" and others are indices of codependency and, if these apply to you, try to find resources as a seminar on the topic, "Enough codependency" or others that can alleviate this all-encompassing problem.
- Try to undo the damage of life's discomforts. The reality is that everyone experiences the vicissitudes of life; it's how you react that changes everything. Reacting can be easy - you just decide to stop taking negative things personally, but, for most people, this requires working on the resulting negative thinking patterns and learning how to redirect them.
- The willingness to change the way others see you and how you interact with them is paramount. If you are tired of being a doormat, someone trying to please everyone, being intimidated and bullied, you are ready to go.
- Forgive those close to you for the bad things they have done. When you need a confrontation, it's easier to be able to confess your problems to someone if you have nothing against them.
Warnings
- Avoid saying things like "I have to be respected." This will indicate to people that you are trying to boost your self-esteem, and that you are not yet a confident person. Don't give him this information; let them believe that you are already enforcing your rights.
- Don't worry about people who don't like your new behavior; you can tell them what to do to have better relationships with you, but you don't need to apologize, give explanations, or keep hanging out with them. It's your life; continue to defend it!
- Sometimes you will find formidable opponents in people who don't know how to be respected. You will instinctively sympathize with their suffering and weakness because you will review in them the experiences you have experienced. Don't let this be a reason to let your guard down and let them hurt you or disrespect you. Help them overcome their insecurities if you can, but don't get drawn into their spiral of unhappiness.
- Don't try to be in tune with people who want to change you. Find friends who accept you for who you are and make sure they are sincere.
- This is a guide, not a rule book. The regulation should reside in your heart, made up of your experiences and preferences. Take what you want from it; discard what is not applicable to your specific case.
