When you resist an emotion, it strengthens. It comes naturally to us to want to avoid pain, and that includes feelings as well. Trying to stave off your emotions might work for a while, but these behaviors can end up greatly increasing the pain. Instead, it's best to identify the pain, face it openly, and start working on a more positive way of thinking. While changing the way we think and feel is difficult, luckily you are still in control. To get rid of the negative emotion once and for all, read on.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Coping with the Emotion
Step 1. Find the roots of this negative emotion
Not the cause, the roots. Not why you feel this way, but why you "chose to interpret" this situation this way. Have you inherited this way of thinking? Is there a moment in your past that you can trace it back to? Where does this anxiety come from?
- Here's a clearer example: your friend Maria, behind your back, called you fat and now you can't stop feeling ugly and depressed. Some people would choose, in this situation, to get angry with Maria; So why are you feeling this way?
- Recognizing that a feeling originates from insecurity, from a previous relationship (including one with your parents) or from a particularly stressful time in our past helps us understand ourselves better. When we are able to understand ourselves, we tend to be more understanding towards ourselves. Negative emotions are often associated with the unknown: when you know their origin, they lose power.
Step 2. Understand how your body feels
Some people, after reading the previous passage, would say "I have no idea where this emotion comes from or why I feel this way". And that's fine. If that's your answer (and even if it's not), consider your body. Of course, it is the mind that sends signals to the body, but it also works in reverse. Do you feel exhausted? Stressed out? Do your muscles ache? Are you in the grip of hormones? Have you started a new therapy? Often physical ailments are the mirror of our emotions without us even noticing.
Try this exercise: start breathing fast and shallow for about 15 seconds. So hold your breath. How do you feel? You will probably be, if not a little nervous, then at least a little uncomfortable. All of this should prompt you, the next time you experience a negative emotion, to see if any of the triggers are physical and what you can do to eliminate it
Step 3. Let it go
If someone tells you not to think about a pink elephant, you'll end up thinking about that. It's crazy to expect something other than your mind. If you tell yourself that these emotions need to be fought and are unacceptable, then sure, they may go away for a while, but they will always come back. Instead of fighting them, leave them alone. Savor them. You lingered. That's the only way they'll pass.
Think about the last time you had something on the tip of your tongue. You've probably been ruminating, ruminating, ruminating, until A) you remembered, B) you forgot (so far). This is exactly how we humans are made. While it might seem a bit counterintuitive, one surefire way to get rid of an emotion is to "savor it."
Step 4. Listen and recognize your thoughts
It's ridiculous to tell yourself to stop thinking negative things, stop feeling that way. It doesn't work like that at all. Instead, take that thought, listen to it, acknowledge it, and ultimately connect it to a new, better thought. This new and advanced reasoning will make the emotion much less irritating, easier to accept, and cause you much less stress.
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For example, say you look in the mirror and you still feel ugly because of Maria's comment. You think: "I'll never be cute". After that, your more rational inner voice intervenes with an "Okay, but is that so true? How would you feel without this thought? And how long have you been able to predict the future?".
Triggering a dialogue can sometimes make you understand that a thought is just a thought. Most reflections have nothing to do with the truth and what you are feeling at the moment. It's just a tape running through our brains that needs to be paused
Step 5. Live only in the present
How many times have you imagined that a situation would evolve in a negative way and it really turned out as bad as you thought? Probably never. So all the time spent worrying about the future has been wasted. When you find yourself charged with these negative emotions, take a step back and focus on the present. Focus on what is in front of you. The human mind is elusive; immediately think about the present and that negative emotion may disappear by itself.
We have all heard that "life is short" countless times. And, every time, it's the truth. Spending a lifetime experiencing negative emotions is such a waste. If the world ended tomorrow, would this reasoning get you somewhere? Or would he have ruined some otherwise pleasant moments? Sometimes, when we are able to see that we are behaving ridiculously, our thoughts realign themselves
Part 2 of 3: Retrain the Brain
Step 1. Analyze your vices
Many people cope with negative emotions by drinking, partying, smoking, gambling, or a combination of bad habits. They push away the feelings they really feel, but the anguish emerges from their behavior. To deal with this emotion and banish it forever, even the vices must disappear. They are not doing you any favors.
And for others, these vices are the cause of negative feelings. Drinking prompts you to make bad choices and these lead to unhappiness, which in turn leads to drinking. Other times the vicious circle is less obvious, where people fail to grasp the connection. Regardless of whether the emotion creates the vice or the vice gives rise to the emotion, these bad habits must be overcome
Step 2. Get rid of this Linus blanket too
For many of us, negative emotions are reassuring elements. They are rewarding. It may sound crazy, but we can find it comforting. Whenever someone says, "Well done!", We think or say, "Nah, it wasn't that much." So take a step back and think about how you reason. How come this negative emotion reassures you? How does it gratify you?
- For example, many of us are apprehensive. We continue to analyze an event until exhaustion. We hate this attitude, but we can't stop. But if we really hated doing it, don't you think we could stop? In reality we do not hate it at all: by worrying we have the impression that we are preparing ourselves for any eventuality. In reality, we cannot predict the future and we are not gaining any advantage by worrying so much.
- As this step can be a bit difficult to assimilate, stop for a second the next time you start feeling this emotion. Are you used to it? Are you afraid of being happy or satisfied? How can you prove to yourself that anxiety is of no benefit to you?
Step 3. Understand that your thoughts do not reflect your essence
This is the best part: you are making your thoughts. Everyone. Sure, some of these are a spurt of things that others have told you, but you are still repeating them. What does this mean? It means that you are the driver of this train, with absolute power. If you don't want to think these things, then don't.
- When you understand that you and your thoughts are different, it will be easier to guess that your reflections are not necessarily true. You will realize that "thinking" about being dull and boring is different from "being" dull and boring. Understanding the difference makes you interact with yourself and the world from a broader perspective.
- Our thoughts are small potential and ephemeral actions that start with our neurons. They are the result of that TV show we saw yesterday, of what we ate for breakfast, of what our parents told us as children. We really are the ones running our program. They have much more to do with our bodies, our way of thinking and our culture than with reality.
Step 4. Achieve awareness
Once you understand that these thoughts have no power (after all, they are just "thoughts"), it is time to take action. The first step? Achieving awareness. This means being aware of how you are feeling, observing the mind and knowing how and when to put it back in line when it wanders. And it will, from time to time.
To do this, try meditation. If you don't like the idea of climbing a mountain, spending days among the monks and sitting cross-legged for hours, simply carve out a quarter of an hour a day, lie down and take some time for yourself: you deserve it. Breathing exercises and yoga can also be helpful
Part 3 of 3: Encourage Positivity
Step 1. Find a vent
You've probably noticed a moment or two when you've been very busy and haven't even had time to "think". Well, outbursts and hobbies can also allow you to do the same. Your mind is so focused on what you are doing that it forgets about negative emotions.
And to top it off, you develop a skill. This skill can make you more proud of yourself, satisfied and authoritarian. Did we mention that doing an activity we enjoy causes the release of endorphins, which also make us feel happier? One more reason to indulge in a hobby that interests you; be it painting, cooking, blogging, playing soccer, learning martial arts or becoming a photographer, to name a few
Step 2. Write down your negative emotions
Even with all this positive inner dialogue and new hobbies being undertaken, negative emotions will sooner or later emerge in the occasional difficult times. When this happens, some find it helpful to write them down. Here are some ways to write them down and then make sure they never come back to bother you.
- Write them down on a piece of paper and then burn it. It sounds almost like a cliché, but it can be effective. And if you like, take the ashes and scatter them in the wind.
- Buy some crayons and use them to write them down on the shower glass. The color will go away with the water. While showering you, write down the feelings that are haunting you and you will see the words disappear into the stream of water. You may need to clean your windows better in the end, but it's worth it.
- Get one of those special blackboards where you paint with water and the brush strokes slowly disappear, evaporating.
Step 3. Practice compassion for yourself as well
It is not easy to change your way of thinking. You've been working on it for years. But you can change the world in which you "respond" to these thoughts and feelings. In other words, you can better relate to yourself and show some understanding. It's not keeping everything inside that makes you strong; is letting go.
Feeling weak, sad and vulnerable is just another way to punish yourself. What does it mean? Realize that you are human and give yourself some credit. You deserve it
Step 4. Know that you are not alone
We all experience negative emotions that we not only don't brag about, but that we wish they would disappear. In fact, 21 million children and adults are diagnosed with depression every year. Furthermore, depression is the leading cause of malaise in people aged 15 to 44.
If negative thoughts are something you just can't fight and are causing you problems in everyday life, it's a good idea to seek help. Therapy might be for you. And remember, it's not that you're sick or need help, it's trying to get better
Advice
- Print these tips and re-read them for a few days while you are calm. So, whenever a negative emotion arises, you don't have to bother learning them as well.
- Remember this advice: "When you resist an emotion, it becomes stronger. When you recognize an emotion, it dies." So, experience every emotion to the fullest.
