Everyone experiences moments of insecurity in the course of their life. It can happen at school, at work, in social relationships or in regards to one's physical appearance. Self-confidence often stems from low self-esteem and there are many theories as to how it develops; most of them take attachment and relationship with parents as their starting point. Low self-esteem can also originate from life events, such as being abused or suffering from depression. Whatever the reason, fight the sense of distrust by raising your self-esteem level and putting yourself first. You can achieve this important result by creating a solid support network and by considering relaxation techniques, which are useful for removing the anxieties caused by the sense of insecurity.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Improve Self-Esteem
Step 1. Frame your strengths
It is very common that one's strengths, talents, talents and abilities are not given importance. Take the time to find out and recognize which ones they are, as this will help in boosting your self-esteem. Keep them in mind: they will remind you how much you are worth and can be a valid support in all those situations where you feel insecure.
Write in a journal what your talents are, what makes you feel strong and capable. What do you do when you feel strong? What happens when you are able to recognize your strength?
Step 2. Create a “talent box” containing notes on your strengths
You will be able to consult what you write whenever you feel "down". Put inside pieces of paper on which you write down your talents, or images or objects that remind you of them.
If you are unable to recognize your talents, ask family or friends to tell you what they think they are. An external perspective can be a valuable aid
Step 3. Keep a journal in which to report your emotions
It will be useful for reorganizing thoughts and feelings, but also to understand in which moments or situations you feel insecure. It has also been shown that this tool not only promotes emotional health, but also improves the immune system and reduces stress.
-
Start writing for 10-20 minutes a day to reduce stress and increase understanding of your insecurities. If you don't know what to start with, here are some tips:
- When do I feel a feeling of insecurity? What is there, at that moment, that increases this perception in me?
- How long have I been uncertain? Have I always had them? When did they start? How have they changed over time?
Be Less Insecure Step 4 Step 4. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones
If you judge yourself negatively, you eliminate the sense of self-worth and retain the sense of insecurity. Criticism, fear of failure, and other negative thoughts will make you feel like you're not worth enough. Begin to change the way you think and learn to have more consideration and confidence in yourself. Here are some examples of how you can begin to change the way you evaluate yourself:
- For example, let's say you say to yourself, "I have nothing interesting to say, that's why people think I'm silly." When you find yourself thinking in this way, make a conscious effort to change the thought by correcting it. Try telling yourself, “Sometimes I don't have much to say and that's okay. I don't necessarily have to entertain others or take full responsibility for a conversation”.
- Replace critical thoughts with productive ones. Here is an example of critical thinking: “It is out of the question that he may meet any of them for dinner. Last time I went, I felt too embarrassed because of my misplaced comments. I'm too stupid”. Replace it with a constructive thought: “I felt very embarrassed during the last supper, but I know I made mistakes and that's okay. I'm not stupid. I just made a mistake in good faith”.
- As you gradually reverse critical thinking, you will find that it will increase your sense of self-worth and, consequently, your self-confidence.
Be Less Insecure Step 5 Step 5. Remember that your sense of insecurity is invisible
Others can't see it because it's not a visible feature, so they won't recognize you as an insecure person unless you tell them. Keep this in mind when facing new situations. If you feel insecure about going to a new school, for example, remember that your classmates won't notice.
Part 2 of 4: Putting Yourself First
Be Less Insecure Step 6 Step 1. Consider yourself first of all
Focus on what you like and what you need. When you're with friends, go to a restaurant you've always wanted to try or see a movie you want to watch.
You will not always be able to dictate your choice, but you will certainly have greater influence in ongoing activities
Be Less Insecure Step 7 Step 2. Focus on what you are able to control
We often feel insecure because we fear we are not in control of a situation or think that others are taking charge. When you are overly focused on what you cannot change, you risk increasing your insecurities; if you focus on what you can control, you become master of the situation.
For example, you may feel insecure about your way of dancing when you go out with friends. Take control of the situation and attend dance lessons. If, on the other hand, it is your physical appearance that creates uncertainty, talk to the hairdresser and get a new cut, suitable for your features
Be Less Insecure Step 8 Step 3. Avoid being critical of yourself
This attitude clears the level of self-esteem and increases the sense of insecurity. Criticizing oneself or others has been related to emotions of anger and inadequacy. Our thoughts influence perceptions and consequently also behaviors, so it is important to change critical thinking. You should avoid fostering feelings of self-doubt, as they can lead to inappropriate behavior, such as turning down invitations to public events.
- Flip negative thinking. For example, if you find yourself thinking something like “I can't believe I said this. I'm just a fool”, he rephrases his thought, telling you:“Everyone makes mistakes. Certainly no one will have noticed”.
- Another negative thought may be: "I am horrible and overweight". Reformulate the thought by telling you: "My weight is good for my body shape, I have beautiful eyes and beautiful hair".
Be Less Insecure Step 9 Step 4. Don't dwell on past mistakes
If you are tempted to retrace an event or conversation by breaking it down and pointing out all the mistakes made, know that it is absolutely unproductive. Look ahead leaving your mistakes behind and remember that every day is a new day, still to be lived. Probably no one is thinking about that conversation anymore.
Be Less Insecure Step 10 Step 5. Stop being too accommodating to others
When you feel insecure, you may tend to prioritize the needs of others over your own. Maybe you think the other person thinks more about you if you favor them. But by doing this you are sacrificing your happiness, causing you stress and anxiety. Is the other person able to recognize the effort you are making? Will he really have a higher opinion of you? Does he ever think about you? Stop being the one who always wants to please others and prioritize yourself.
Put a line between yourself and others. Feel free to decline their requests or set time limits that allow you to avoid making too many commitments
Part 3 of 4: Finding Support
Be Less Insecure Step 11 Step 1. Spend time with the people who support you
When you feel insecure, it is of no help being surrounded by people who increase this state of yours. So spend time with friends and family you feel comfortable with. These are people who always support you and don't place any conditions on your relationship with them.
Be Less Insecure Step 12 Step 2. Talk to a therapist
Talking to a mental health professional can be a valuable aid: they will help you find the reasons for your insecurities and can suggest strategies for resolving them.
Find an analyst who specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy (TCC). It is a type of specific treatment that acts on thinking, aimed at improving people's sensations and behaviors
Be Less Insecure Step 13 Step 3. Find activities that satisfy you
When you have fun you are less aware of your insecurities and more focused on the happiness of the moment. Therefore, dedicate yourself to activities that give you pleasure and fun: they can be sports, such as surfing or skating, or a hobby, such as working wood or watching birds. When you dedicate yourself to something that brings you satisfaction, you create a safe place where you know you will have relief from insecurity.
You will have greater support in overcoming uncertainties if you find people who carry out these activities with you
Part 4 of 4: Calming Anxiety
Be Less Insecure Step 14 Step 1. Learn some breathing techniques
Self-distrust sometimes causes a sense of anxiety and the psychological response manifests itself as an increased heart rate, shortness of breath, and sweating. It is important to have tools that can reduce these manifestations, especially since these sensations are unpleasant and even lead you to increase the sense of stress. By controlling your breathing, you can trigger a calming reaction by signaling your body to relax, slow your breathing and slow your heart rate.
- Breathe deeply, using your diaphragm. Count to ten and let your breath expand your entire abdomen.
- Now hold your breath for five seconds and then slowly exhale for another five seconds.
- After each diaphragmatic breath, be sure to take two breaths at your natural rhythm.
Be Less Insecure Step 15 Step 2. Practice being present with the mind
Mindfulness is a great tool, especially when you are too focused on yourself and feel insecure. You may realize that you are thinking that you are not good-looking or smart enough. In these kinds of situations, mindfulness helps you take your thoughts away from worries, criticisms and focus on the present moment. Critical thoughts or worries about what others may think about you only produce negative emotions such as sadness, embarrassment or nervousness.
- When you are nervous or anxious, the level of adrenaline in the blood tends to rise and this in turn causes the heart rate and blood pressure to rise. By experiencing this type of physical reaction, you are more aware of your level of nervousness and may feel even more insecure.
- To calm your nerves, worries or critical thoughts and let them dissolve, try practicing being focused on the present moment. This does not mean forcing them to disappear, it is about letting the thoughts flow into your mind, while you observe them without judging them. Let the worries enter the mind and then go away, that's all.
- Practice tuning the thought to your senses and ask yourself what you are feeling, smelling or perceiving of what is around you; keep your mind focused on the moment and gradually you will begin to relax. Some studies have shown that, over time, the practice of mindfulness is a valuable aid in controlling emotions and accustoms the mind to be flexible to changes.
Be Less Insecure Step 16 Step 3. Learn the technique of progressive muscle relaxation
This also helps promote a state of calm. It is a type of relaxation that reduces the tension of the muscles, sending the signal to the body to relax. By contracting and relaxing the muscles you can slowly bring the body to a state of rest.
- Contract the muscles for six seconds and then release them for another six. Pay attention to how each individual muscle relaxes.
- Start from the head and work your way up to the feet: you will notice that the body begins to relax.
Be Less Insecure Step 17 Step 4. Try to get distracted
When you realize that you are feeling insecure or worried about how you might be welcomed, distract yourself from these thoughts. Engage in some different task or dedicate yourself to your favorite hobby: these are actions that can help you get out of those thoughts that cause you insecurity, reducing the stress of the moment.
- If you feel insecure or worried while you are at home, try to do activities such as reading, walking the dog, or cleaning the apartment.
- If, on the other hand, you are overwhelmed by anxiety while in public, take a stroll, ask someone how their day went, look at the menu, dance, if that fits the situation. Any distraction that helps you "get out of your mental state" will also help you both to focus on different things and to free yourself from worries and insecurities.
