To have a good relationship with an insecure person, it is necessary to behave with kindness, respect and in a reassuring manner. Insecure people often have low self-esteem or have had difficult experiences in the past. By offering them the support they need, you can help them focus on the positives in life and build their self-esteem. Avoid excessive stress by putting stakes in your relationship and helping the person find help in their community.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Enforcing Clear Rules
Step 1. Create limits that must not be exceeded
Insecure people need constant support and encouragement, which you can't always provide. Put stakes between you, so you don't feel overwhelmed or frustrated by their behavior.
- For example, if your partner is insecure, she may always want to know what you are doing and where you are. While it is important to warn her about your travels by phone or text, you should make it clear in advance that when you are away she cannot constantly nag you. Ask her to respect the agreement you found.
- Maybe you have a colleague or classmate who is constantly seeking your attention. Determine when are the best times to talk to them. You can say, "I want to be as helpful to you as possible, but I also have to work. Why don't we talk after class or at lunch?"
Step 2. Help the person channel their insecurity into something positive
Often insecure people are anxious about something or someone, perhaps because they have been hurt by their previous partners or because they have been bullied for their looks. Help them relieve anxiety and focus on positive thoughts.
- When you notice that an insecure person is focusing on the negative sides of a situation, try to make them think of something positive. For example: "I know people can be bad, but remember that you have my support and that of all your friends."
- If the conversation is only negative, change the subject, talking about a quality of the insecure person or something neutral. You can pay her a compliment or discuss a passion you share, such as cinema or sport.
Step 3. Don't spend too much time with people who drain your emotional energies
Insecure people can drain your emotional energies and make you feel tired, due to their addiction to you. Don't play the role of a caregiver and set limits on your relationship.
- Motivate the person in this state of mind to find ways to live well even when you are not around.
- Set specific times for your meetings. Instead of avoiding it altogether, make sure you find the best moments for both of you.
- Make it clear and polite that you need space, but that doesn't mean you don't care. Let her know that protecting your personal space and spending some time alone can be good for your health.
- Remind the person that you cannot be solely responsible for their well-being. It is too big a commitment for a single individual, extremely tiring from an emotional point of view and which can degenerate into an addictive relationship that requires your presence 24 hours a day.
Step 4. Address trust issues if your partner is jealous
If you have a partner who is acting jealous or insecure, expressing irrational attitudes or fears that you might leave her, reassure her and find ways to keep your relationship healthy.
- When she accuses you, reassure her and try not to get angry;
- Demonstrate your intention to keep the commitment you made with her and to remain faithful, but remind her that your relationship must be based on trust in order to function.
- Address any issues that have made your partner feel rejected, unloved, or betrayed by their exes, friends, or relatives in the past.
- Encourage your partner to feel independent. Find ways to encourage her to lead an independent life and not be obsessed with yours. Help her find personal goals that make her feel fulfilled.
Step 5. Control your emotions
Try to notice when insecure people make you feel anxious, sad, angry, or frustrated. If you feel unable to talk to someone who is insecure or help them, take a step back and consider what is best for your well-being.
- If you feel that the person is stressing you out, politely explain that you don't have time to talk and that you hope your conversation will be more productive in the future.
- Get away from the person or situation that is bothering you for a while. It may be enough to physically move away for a few minutes, until you have recovered your composure. Try saying, "I know you feel anxious, I'm here to help you. Right now I need to take a break to release the tension. I'll help you out in an hour."
Part 2 of 4: Offer Support and Reassurance
Step 1. Put yourself in his shoes
People with insecurity problems often feel anxious about their work, school, friends, relatives, and self-image. His condition may be apparently unmotivated, or it may be a consequence of negative events in the past. Keep an open mind and listen carefully.
- Listen to what is troubling the person. Things that may be of little consequence to you can be serious and profound problems for her. For example, if a friend is concerned about the shoes she is wearing, her insecurity may reflect her anxiety in social relationships with her peers.
- Do not judge. Try to understand how your interlocutor feels and what he or she needs.
- If the insecure doesn't want to talk to you, you can say a few words to show that you understand how he feels: "I'm sorry you feel this way" or "Your situation seems difficult to me."
Step 2. Be kind and respectful
Some insecure people may seem cold and rude, but when dealing with them, don't let your insecurities and prejudices emerge. Be kind, polite, and respectful. It will not be easy to always behave in an exemplary manner, but a friendly attitude will help you in the long run to better manage a person who feels insecure and underappreciated.
- Use body language to indicate that you are willing to help and listen. Look the person in the eye and give them your full attention;
- Smile and agree to talk about the things that are troubling her;
Step 3. Ask her what worries her
If you are friends with someone who is insecure, it is important to talk to them about their feelings. If, on the other hand, you are dealing with an acquaintance, you can consider other ways to be open to the conversation without making him feel uncomfortable.
- Start the conversation as you normally would, but point out that you have noticed something abnormal in his behavior. For example: "Hey, how's it going? I noticed you didn't come to soccer practice yesterday, is everything okay?".
- Accept that some people don't feel ready to talk about what's troubling them, but remember it's important to show your concern. For example: "It seems to me that you had a difficult day. If you want to talk about it, I'm here."
- If you have to interrupt the conversation, do it politely - "It was a pleasure to talk to you. Is it okay if we resume the conversation tomorrow?" or "I hope you feel better. If you wish, I have time to resume the conversation tonight."
Step 4. Look for opportunities to get to know the person better
In some cases, the insecure feel underappreciated or loved. By showing interest in them, you can make them feel better.
- If possible, spend some time alone with the insecure person. You may be able to better understand what he thinks. The insecure are rarely open and sincere in front of so many people.
- Invite her to hang out with you and your friends. Make her feel included.
Step 5. Offer empathy and reassurance
Show her that you care in words and deeds. Let her know that you really care about her feelings and problems.
- You can say, "I'm here for you and I love you", or "I know you can get over this difficult situation. You are a strong person."
- If the insecure person is a close friend, relative, or partner, hug them or otherwise show affection, within the limits of what is appropriate. Always ask for permission before hugging her, and only do so if she agrees.
- Tell her everything will be fine and things will get better. Give her hope and motivate her to succeed rather than reminding her of her misadventures.
Part 3 of 4: Increase Self-Esteem
Step 1. Encourage the insecure person to work on their self-esteem
You can try to help her with compliments and acting like a friend who supports her; however, she too must work to develop more confidence in her own means. Try to encourage her with examples that have worked for you.
For example, you can suggest that she try to assert her worth every day, saying, "When I'm going through a hard day or feeling down, I like to give myself a boost by complimenting me in front of the mirror. I start by looking at my reflection, then I find something. nice to say about me, like: "My hair is so voluminous and shiny today! I love it!"
Step 2. Notice how a person's insecurities affect them and others
There are different types of unsafe and unhealthy behaviors. In some cases they manifest themselves as jealousy, rudeness or a willingness to control others. Some insecure people don't realize that their attitude harms themselves and others. Try to understand what effect the insecure person has on you and others in the following situations:
- Relationships of couples. Do you feel like your partner is clingy, too dependent on you, trying to control you, or not trustworthy? Help her feel more independent and trust you.
- Job. Do you feel like your colleagues are trying to manipulate you? Do you think they are rude or jealous of you? Help them consider the positive aspects of their work and be friendly.
- Family and home. Do you think your family members or relatives are prejudiced, paranoid, rude or always depressed? Help reduce anxiety and stress around the home by setting a good example.
Step 3. Focus on the positives
Insecure people often focus only on the negative aspects of their life, such as a lack of love, support, money, or esteem. They have the impression of being victims (and maybe they have been in the past). Help them focus on more positive things.
- Keep the conversation positive and light. Avoid topics that can lead to excessive outbursts or other negative discussions.
- Remind the person in need of positive or encouraging things. You can make upbeat quotes, show cat videos, photos of friends or relatives, and other things that can cheer up the spirit.
- In some cases, it may be enough to say that you like his shirt, shoes, decoration on his bag, or a new electronic device he is using. Talk to her about something that makes her feel proud of herself.
Step 4. Make a comment about something the insecure person is doing well
Build her self-esteem by focusing on the things she does best and avoid reminding her of bad episodes. For the insecure it is important to feel appreciated.
- For example, you can say "The dinner you made was fantastic", "You really are a football expert" or "You are a great artist!".
- Let the insecure person know that you have noticed the little things they do. Often the most mundane daily activities can be overlooked, and a reminder reminding the person that their work is appreciated can be reassuring. For example: "Thanks for helping me understand that math problem", "Thanks for the ride" or "Your calendar is always so well organized".
Step 5. Encourage the insecure person to find activities they enjoy
The insecure may have the impression that they have everyone against them or that they have nothing to offer to others. Help the struggling person find hobbies that they love. Encourage her to seek out interests that are unique to her, instead of following what others are doing. You can propose:
- Amateur sports, fitness classes or clubs that engage in outdoor activities;
- Art or music courses;
- Volunteer with various non-profit organizations;
- Personal enrichment courses at the local university;
- Online social groups like the ones you can find on Meetup.com.
Part 4 of 4: Getting Help
Step 1. Assess whether the insecure person's mood or behavior is getting worse
If she seems increasingly angry, depressed, irritable, or anxious with each passing week, look for ways to help her by talking to people at work, school, or in your community.
- If you go to school together, talk to a teacher or school psychologist about changes in his or her behavior.
- If you work together, talk to a supervisor or colleague and ask if they can help.
- If you live together, ask family and friends for advice.
Step 2. Encourage the insecure person to talk to a psychologist
Insecure people may feel like they have no support and often don't trust the people around them. In some cases they have difficulty coping with their situation and tend to rely on unhealthy methods. Suggest that the person talk to a counselor to better deal with what is troubling them.
- Remind her that psychologists will not judge her and that they are solely focused on her recovery and the support they are able to offer.
- Help her find a psychologist through her school, her place of worship, or in the local community. Let her know that there is nothing wrong with hiring a professional.
- Look for local support groups that are suitable for the problem they face.
Step 3. Identify other types of assistance that can help the insecure person
You need to make sure she knows she is not alone. Show her that people care about her and encourage her to build closer relationships with those who love her.
- Ask for help from people who are positive and willing to help. Explain that the insecure people you know need more encouragement.
- Help the insecure person focus on choices that make them feel included. Get her to try new experiences and find people willing to accompany her so that she feels less alone and anxious.
- Find ways to encourage her to be more independent. An insecure person may feel like they can't do anything on their own. Teach her to act on her own and she will feel more confident. Keep a positive attitude and support her as she looks for ways to better cope with her predicament.
