If you feel like a pervert, you may be ashamed of your erotic thoughts and sexual acts. Perhaps you are ashamed of your religious or spiritual beliefs, or your marital status (you are in a monogamous relationship or are married). Regardless of the reason, you probably feel abnormal or otherwise don't feel as you would like sexually. Remember that it is difficult to define what is "normal" in the sexual sphere, as this is based on a number of different ideas, desires and practices.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Evaluating Thoughts and Feelings
Step 1. Ask yourself how your thoughts on sex affect your life
You may be obsessed with some videos or fantasize about sex on a recurring basis for many hours a day, so much so that you can't focus on other daily activities. To what extent does your perversion prevent you from living a productive and fulfilling life? Do you hurt anyone? To what extent are your thoughts and attitudes at the origin of other problems?
- Reflect on how your thoughts and gestures affect your daily life and how it might change if they weren't there. Would you have more time at your disposal? Would you feel better about yourself? Would people have a different opinion about you?
- Remember that erotic thoughts are natural. If you have heard that thinking about sex makes you a bad person or that you will be punished for your thoughts, remember that we are all filled with similar thoughts and that they are completely natural. Especially during adolescence you will be assaulted by many erotic fantasies that represent an essential step to explore your sexuality.
Step 2. Try to better understand the concept of healthy sexuality
There are no set boundaries to define what is healthy and what is not in everyone's sex life. For example, some people are attracted to casual relationships, while others feel they are immoral; some love to masturbate while others feel embarrassed or refuse to do so. Having healthy sexuality means doing what seems healthy to you to the extent that it enriches your life. In other words, it means feeling sexually satisfied and happy without being ashamed or feeling disgusted with yourself.
Remember that human beings are sexual beings by nature and it is okay and completely normal to have erotic wishes and thoughts
Step 3. Try to come up with your own definition of healthy sexuality
As you try to curb your perverse thoughts, it is important that you also establish what you consider healthy. Don't try to eliminate sex from your life; on the contrary, try to create a healthy sexual basis for yourself in your body and mind. Remember that it is not possible to try at all costs not to have erotic thoughts or desires, however you must keep certain attitudes at bay.
- Make a list of what you think is lawful in the sexual sphere. Focus on defining healthy thoughts and gestures, how you relate to others sexually, and how you feel about yourself later on.
- Think about what makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad. What's the difference between the two?
Step 4. Face your shame
It is often caused by the preconception that certain behaviors denote perversion. If you feel that you are perverted, your shame is likely to be triggered by this belief, but remember that the sense of shame could contribute to lowering your self-esteem. Face the shame and recognize that it does not benefit your life.
- Try to identify situations that embarrass you. Does this happen to you after masturbating or watching porn videos? Or after having erotic thoughts? Take note of anything that causes you embarrassment. Then decide whether it is more appropriate not to repeat the same gesture or to remove your sense of shame. Identify your feelings triggered by that gesture, if you would feel better avoiding it or if you need to process it in order not to feel embarrassed anymore.
- Where does your shame come from? Does it depend on a value your parents passed on to you or on deeply rooted religious beliefs? Understanding the source of your shame can help you process it.
- If you are trying to overcome embarrassment, repeat to yourself: "I am able to love and express my sexuality according to my standards of pleasure and well-being. I don't have to be ashamed of my sexuality”.
Step 5. Face your guilt
Guilt can be a healthy feeling when it prompts you to review and correct your behaviors. For example, if you regret having committed a certain act, your remorse may be accompanied by guilt and help you make a different decision the next time you find yourself facing similar situations.
- If your guilt stems from your erotic thoughts, take it as an indicator and listen to it. Try to focus on interpreting your guilt, to understand where it comes from and how you could have healthy sexuality without feeling remorse.
- Ask yourself when you feel guilty. Is it provoked by your erotic actions and thoughts, your sexuality or external influences (such as religion or other beliefs)? Is your reaction justified?
- If you don't want to be ashamed of your sexuality, repeat to yourself: "I have the right to be a sexual being and to express my sexuality in a healthy way without feeling guilty."
- If you have sexually hurt someone, it is worth addressing the situation.
Step 6. Relate to your body in a healthy way
If you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your body, learn to accept yourself as you are. Accept the color of your skin, your hair, your height and your weight. If you hate your own body, you may find yourself overly fixating on others and falling into perverse psychological mechanisms. Start by accepting yourself: the more you love yourself, your body and your sexuality, the more you will live a fulfilling sex life.
- If you are ashamed of stretch marks, loose skin or scars, forget your physical appearance and learn to appreciate your body for the important functions it performs, such as digestion, the expulsion of toxins and the transformation of food into nutrients.
- You may not be proud of all parts of your body, but give yourself time to be grateful for the functions it performs and what it allows you to do.
- Your body tells a story: Your skin tone and scars encapsulate your life experiences and the story of your ancestors.
Part 2 of 3: Take action
Step 1. Delete the porn pictures and videos from your PC
Remove from all your electronic devices any content that might push you to stray from the right path. Freeing your computer and mobile phone of any temptation means creating a solid foundation that can help you achieve your goal of staving off perverse thoughts about sex.
- Use the parental control tool to avoid “accidentally” opening porn websites. If you are tempted to unlock it again, it will take you a few seconds to reconsider and focus on other things.
- If you are concerned about being addicted to pornography, check out this article.
Step 2. Get rid of the magazines and porn photos
This means that you should also remove the posters from the walls of your room or throw away any t-shirts, stickers or hats that do not fit your concept of a healthy sex life. You need to create an environment that encourages you to pursue your goals and that drives away your perverse thoughts.
Step 3. Check your sense of humor
Making sexual jokes might be your way of making comments to look funny to others, but the jokes actually denote disrespect. They are often not funny, especially when they are directed at someone in particular, and can turn out to be rude and offensive. Making fun of a person's sexuality is never appropriate, especially to gossip or hurt them. Avoid doing this.
If you think a joke is funny, but you know full well you could hurt someone, keep it to yourself
Step 4. Distract yourself
Maybe you need to get distracted from your thoughts and attitudes. When you find yourself thinking or behaving in ways you don't want to, focus your attention on other things. You might look away, start another conversation, or distance yourself from the situation.
- If you can't concentrate, take a break and go to the bathroom, take a walk or engage in something else.
- If you find yourself staring at someone inappropriately, try to control yourself and divert your attention.
- If you are about to make a joke out of place, stop and say something different.
Step 5. Interact in a respectful manner
If you have perverse thoughts about other people, be sure to treat them with esteem and respect. If you are interested in women, please address them politely. If you are attracted to men, treat them with respect. Respect everyone's sexual limits. Before attempting a sexual approach, talk to your partner about it. Set limits and communicate your preferences and wishes, not underestimating those of your partner.
Don't speak to anyone in a way that sexually belittles them
Step 6. Try not to reinforce the wrong opinion people have about you
If others think you are a pervert, there are steps you can take to avoid feeding these preconceptions. Some behaviors can even be considered sexual harassment or bullying and as such could create problems for you. Try to avoid:
- Making sexually explicit jokes or gestures;
- Talking about sex in inappropriate contexts, for example in class, while someone is telling you a story or in other situations that might make other people uncomfortable;
- Send sexual text messages or inappropriate photos;
- Touching your private parts in public
- Touching other people in an inappropriate or unwelcome way;
- Being an exhibitionist.
Part 3 of 3: Making Personal Changes
Step 1. Try to manage stress effectively
If you feel pressured, you may be more vulnerable to falling back into bad habits. Find ways to reduce and manage stress every day and not let it increase. Exercising, being socially active, and avoiding unnecessary fatigue are excellent ways to manage stress.
- Join an association of runners, practice yoga or take your dog for a walk.
- Call a friend, organize a game of cards or invite your friends for dinner.
- If you're always feeling stressed but don't know how to spot the stressors, start writing a journal to keep track of what's stressing you each day, week, or month. You may begin to recognize the stressors and subsequently address them one by one.
Step 2. Choose your friends carefully
Don't surround yourself with people who push you to think or act perverse. You may have to get away from your old friends and find others. Welcome into your life the people who support you and encourage you to live in a way that you feel is beneficial to yourself. Having good support helps you fight stress.
If there are people who exert a negative influence on you, but who you cannot push away anyway, kindly ask them to moderate their comments or attitudes or not to address certain topics in your presence
Step 3. Talk to your friends
They can help you along your path and make it easier by offering their support. Start a support network if your friends also have similar problems to yours. Send them messages of encouragement, meet for lunch and help each other.
You can also join a psycho-educational support group, both locally and online
Step 4. Talk to a therapist
If you feel that you cannot control your thoughts, emotions and attitudes and you realize that you are unable to follow the path on your own, consult a psychotherapist. He can help you deal with your thoughts, find coping strategies, and work to remove your negative erotic thoughts. Your therapist is ready to support you and help you live a happier and more fulfilling life.
