Shyness can be a debilitating condition for many men, especially when it comes to dealing with women. If shyness has prevented you from meeting someone special, here are some tips to overcome your insecurities.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Don't be in a hurry
Step 1. Take a break
Don't expect to totally overcome your shyness or overcome it out of the blue. Most people you meet and talk to also feel shy under certain circumstances. This is not a straightforward feeling, but it goes along a variable line, so don't be too hard on yourself, especially if you've just embarked on your journey to overcome shyness.
- Other people try to fight it too, only you don't notice it.
- If you make a mistake, forget it. Most people are more forgiving than you think.
- Whenever you talk to someone, be proud of your attempt.
Step 2. Practice with a friend
When you can practice with someone you feel comfortable with, you have a chance to get an opinion right away and even a reward for your efforts in the form of congratulations. This support can go a long way in increasing your esteem.
- Practice looking in the eyes, but without staring, using body language that expresses confidence, making introductions, and asking questions.
- Practice smiling while engaging in conversation.
- Practice with a man or woman at first, but also in front of the mirror.
- When you're ready, practice inviting a woman on a date. For example, ask your cousin's girlfriend if she can help you hone your social skills. Practice complimenting her.
Step 3. Take baby steps
Plan a series of short-term actions and goals to overcome shyness and be able to approach a girl. Start with a smile, show everyone that you are friendly and helpful. Then say goodbye. A few days later, intervene in conversations. Continue to gradually open up to people.
Stop making excuses for your shyness. Get out of this shell and do something about it
Step 4. Try to be compassionate
Compassion is a feeling that leads to worry about the happiness of others and to focus on them. Compassionate people don't care about being the center of attention. The more you care for others, the less you will be concerned with how you are viewed. You can relax among the people and be in good company.
One way to be compassionate is to interact with someone who seems lonely. Ask him if he'd like to have coffee or eat lunch with you
Part 2 of 3: Have More Trust in Yourself
Step 1. Don't be conditioned
If you want to be successful in friendship and love, you can't take every comment or joke as a personal affront. Sometimes, people say things by meaning other and, therefore, it is possible to misunderstand them.
If you blame yourself or place too much emphasis on your mistakes, you will end up demeaning yourself and lose your chance to meet a great girl
Step 2. Learn to deal with rejection
Even the best boxers step into the ring knowing they could lose. Likewise, you cannot expect to always be successful. Nothing is 100% returned and not everyone gets along. Therefore, consider each meeting as a constructive learning experience.
- If you expose yourself and receive rejection, you will realize that it is not the end of the world.
- You will never get positive results if you don't try. If you don't take the initiative, you will never be able to have a first date!
Step 3. Try to be less embarrassed
Shyness and hesitation show up when you think about your flaws. Instead, focus all your thoughts on the girl you're talking to. You will be able to forget your nervousness and she will be flattered by your attention.
- Remember that most people you meet are too busy worrying about what others think of them to notice and judge you.
- Look around you and realize that people don't laugh at you or judge you.
Step 4. Manage your social anxiety
Overcome the fear of talking to girls by improving your confidence. Techniques that refer to cognitive-behavioral therapy are able to guide you through exercises that strengthen personal confidence. You can join a group, do one-on-one therapy, or use a mobile application to do them on your own.
- They also organize TED Talks on shyness from which you can get inspiration and tips.
- Practice in real-life situations and evaluate how shy and anxious you feel before and after an experience. You will notice that these sensations diminish as you become familiar and that your self-confidence increases.
Part 3 of 3: Becoming More Relaxed in Social Contexts
Step 1. Get out and socialize
Engage in interested activities that lead you to interact with other people, such as a team sport or an association that brings together people sharing the same hobby.
- By interacting with your teammates, you will have plenty of opportunities to learn to converse.
- Get to know your teammates over time and try to get more comfortable chatting with them.
- Try to play a role in the group, such as a timekeeper or a note taker. If you have a task to do, you will feel compelled to speak up.
Step 2. Start a conversation
Try to break the ice, perhaps by telling your interlocutor that you are taking the same biology class or that you like his or her bag.
When you go out with friends or family, try to start a conversation within the group. After some time, you will feel comfortable hooking up with people on an impromptu basis
Step 3. Talk to a girl you see alone
Chances are she'll be happy to have someone to chat with.
By helping a girl have a good time at a party she found boring, you'll not only increase your confidence, but you'll feel good because you've helped someone out
Step 4. Talk to many people
Don't be afraid to chat with everyone you meet, from the elderly lady who does the shopping to the supermarket cashier. Practice makes perfect and the more outgoing you are, the more casual you will be.
Slowly increasing your efforts to talk to new people is what psychologists call "graded exposure" and is a popular technique for overcoming fears
Step 5. Be authentic
Try to be yourself. Many girls are good at identifying braggart and vain. Know that these subjects can extinguish all kinds of enthusiasm. Girls tend to like nice guys who show themselves for who they are.
Don't be afraid to make a clever joke to open a dialogue. While they may do well on TV, in most cases girls consider pickup lines to be in bad taste. Instead, start introducing yourself by asking how your day is going
Step 6. Always be prepared
When you find yourself having a conversation within a group at school or at work, be ready for a chat. For example, someone may ask you if you are going to do something interesting over the weekend. It's a great opportunity to talk a little about yourself and, at the same time, spread the conversation to others and show interest in what some girl has to say.
- When you find yourself in a new social environment, try to have a few tricks up your sleeve to pull off, but not in a flashy way.
- Don't go over what you say. If you try to remember something you have learned verbatim during the practice phase, you risk becoming agitated and embarrassed if you forget what you were about to say.
- When in doubt, ask the girl in front of you about her. Girls like it when someone shows interest in them and really listens to them.
Step 7. Learn to listen
Don't just talk to you. Ask questions that require open answers, relax and listen. If silence falls during the conversation, have other topics ready.
- Try not to monopolize the conversation by talking about you, as the girl is likely not sharing all of your interests.
- Ask her a few questions and show her your attention by deepening what she just told you. For example, if she mentions that she will be going to their beach house next weekend with her parents, don't start talking about the beach hotel you stayed at last weekend, but instead ask her a few more questions about the house or house. his parents.
- Respond appropriately. Don't limit yourself to 20 questions. If she asks about you, answer her.
Step 8. Take her to some interesting place on your date
If you're dreading conversation time on your first date, go to the movies or do something else first so that you have a topic to discuss for the rest of the night.
